(no subject)
Metaphysicians, Feminists, Midwives and Radicals
Hello, strangers. I feel like my inability to consistently journal about my life comes from being totally in disbelief of all that is happening for me. Let's make this whole scarce communication thing a trend, shall we? I've come to this page and began to write so many times in the last few months, and then after half of a paragraph is constructed, I decide that I am nowhere close to articulating the phenomenon I am living in. Perhaps it's because these things are inarticulable in their entirety. Maybe I just need more practice discussing the impossible.
I'm living dangerously close to the edge. When actually trying to visualize that line today, I realized that recently I've really hung over that line and even oozed out onto the ground on the other side a little. My bravery and ambition sort of ran into this fence of human limit. While limits used to be something I kept out of my periphery until recently. With my mental, spiritual, and physical health on the line, I realized it's time to make some cuts. Resultingly, I've re-drafted my wants, needs, and cares. It's all seemed to have evolved in the process of these discoveries, pushing me somewhere unknown very fast: the future.
Am I making any sense? This is turning out so messy.... I feel like theres something so formulaic about what I'm trying to reiterate and I'm just not getting to it.
OK, let's start over. What am I doing?
Currently enrolled in Performance Art Laboratories at The Evergreen State College, I am a full-time student. I've embarked on a solo project involving the violence of sensuality and the control a body can have over me. Theres something absolutely unbelievable about the inability to control emotions when you're in love. That insecurity is matched by my inherent bravery. There's this battle of acceptance/coordination between darkness and light inside of me going on. My performances have reflected this darkness that has brought a lot of thought upon me... some thoughts so heavy that I can hardly bare to hold them. It's something I'm learning to work with right now. I'm trying to balence it out with gay discotheque video projects and songs. Best thing about it all is not knowing exactly what is going to come out of all of it.
I would mention my personal life but it's going too amazingly that I'm afraid I'll jinx it.
I work two jobs. The first of which is at The Writing Center where I am a tutor. Writers come in and we discuss everything from hedonistic calculus to social stigmas about mental illness. These small segments of Evergreens programs make a beautiful appearance in my process of education. Learning is better than ever. My second job is producing Cross-Cultural Poetics, a radio program that airs on KAOS Olympia radio. I balance tracks, add in music and commercials, and disperse copies of the hour-long show weekly to Penn State and KAOS.
Slightly West was an annual publication produced by students. With my friend Meghan McNealy as editor, and myself as co-editor, We've turned SW into a nebulous writing community. We lead creative writing workshops, hold experimental readings/performances, and infiltrate the public with our subversive alteration of the textual mind.
Press: Activism in the Avant-Garde is a language holiday in the process of creation. It can be called a literary conference, but it really is more special then that. We are organizing writers, publishers, editors, and artists together for a two-day conglomeration of readings, workshops, lectures, and partying in the celebration of language (or anti-language).
I'm also working on a lot of songs//performance-based music show, a dance with my friends Melanie and Heather who make beautiful pop music. I've recorded with Everett Darling in a gay pop duo called Tablecloth Lightning that is currently on hiatus, as Everett is in Estonia, and I am in a disorient state. I'm also doing a collaboration with the co-ispirational Ian Picco, the other young male avant-garde-ist. We work magically together.
Seeing as my health and ability to be a human being and support myself is faltering, I'm going to have to make some cuts so I can have more than one waking hour to myself each week. Luckily I've been making almost weekly vacations to seattle for all sorts of healing, including sexual.
Life lessons on the following have made a very prominent appearance:
Healing, insecurity/security, balance, darkness/light, responsibility of: body, mind, friendship, family, accepting challenges, denying challenges, what I need, what I want, what I have, ability/inability, support, love, control, and so much more.
I'm moving very fast in a direction I cannot clearly see; taking risks with all I do. I'm working on building a thicker skin while still taking care of myself. Balancing it out, you know? Coming from this place of not knowing is beautiful and horrifying. The results breed amazing things. Keep your eyes peeled for me... the future holds moving to Berlin and getting my name put in newspaper headlines.
Hello, strangers. I feel like my inability to consistently journal about my life comes from being totally in disbelief of all that is happening for me. Let's make this whole scarce communication thing a trend, shall we? I've come to this page and began to write so many times in the last few months, and then after half of a paragraph is constructed, I decide that I am nowhere close to articulating the phenomenon I am living in. Perhaps it's because these things are inarticulable in their entirety. Maybe I just need more practice discussing the impossible.
I'm living dangerously close to the edge. When actually trying to visualize that line today, I realized that recently I've really hung over that line and even oozed out onto the ground on the other side a little. My bravery and ambition sort of ran into this fence of human limit. While limits used to be something I kept out of my periphery until recently. With my mental, spiritual, and physical health on the line, I realized it's time to make some cuts. Resultingly, I've re-drafted my wants, needs, and cares. It's all seemed to have evolved in the process of these discoveries, pushing me somewhere unknown very fast: the future.
Am I making any sense? This is turning out so messy.... I feel like theres something so formulaic about what I'm trying to reiterate and I'm just not getting to it.
OK, let's start over. What am I doing?
Currently enrolled in Performance Art Laboratories at The Evergreen State College, I am a full-time student. I've embarked on a solo project involving the violence of sensuality and the control a body can have over me. Theres something absolutely unbelievable about the inability to control emotions when you're in love. That insecurity is matched by my inherent bravery. There's this battle of acceptance/coordination between darkness and light inside of me going on. My performances have reflected this darkness that has brought a lot of thought upon me... some thoughts so heavy that I can hardly bare to hold them. It's something I'm learning to work with right now. I'm trying to balence it out with gay discotheque video projects and songs. Best thing about it all is not knowing exactly what is going to come out of all of it.
I would mention my personal life but it's going too amazingly that I'm afraid I'll jinx it.
I work two jobs. The first of which is at The Writing Center where I am a tutor. Writers come in and we discuss everything from hedonistic calculus to social stigmas about mental illness. These small segments of Evergreens programs make a beautiful appearance in my process of education. Learning is better than ever. My second job is producing Cross-Cultural Poetics, a radio program that airs on KAOS Olympia radio. I balance tracks, add in music and commercials, and disperse copies of the hour-long show weekly to Penn State and KAOS.
Slightly West was an annual publication produced by students. With my friend Meghan McNealy as editor, and myself as co-editor, We've turned SW into a nebulous writing community. We lead creative writing workshops, hold experimental readings/performances, and infiltrate the public with our subversive alteration of the textual mind.
Press: Activism in the Avant-Garde is a language holiday in the process of creation. It can be called a literary conference, but it really is more special then that. We are organizing writers, publishers, editors, and artists together for a two-day conglomeration of readings, workshops, lectures, and partying in the celebration of language (or anti-language).
I'm also working on a lot of songs//performance-based music show, a dance with my friends Melanie and Heather who make beautiful pop music. I've recorded with Everett Darling in a gay pop duo called Tablecloth Lightning that is currently on hiatus, as Everett is in Estonia, and I am in a disorient state. I'm also doing a collaboration with the co-ispirational Ian Picco, the other young male avant-garde-ist. We work magically together.
Seeing as my health and ability to be a human being and support myself is faltering, I'm going to have to make some cuts so I can have more than one waking hour to myself each week. Luckily I've been making almost weekly vacations to seattle for all sorts of healing, including sexual.
Life lessons on the following have made a very prominent appearance:
Healing, insecurity/security, balance, darkness/light, responsibility of: body, mind, friendship, family, accepting challenges, denying challenges, what I need, what I want, what I have, ability/inability, support, love, control, and so much more.
I'm moving very fast in a direction I cannot clearly see; taking risks with all I do. I'm working on building a thicker skin while still taking care of myself. Balancing it out, you know? Coming from this place of not knowing is beautiful and horrifying. The results breed amazing things. Keep your eyes peeled for me... the future holds moving to Berlin and getting my name put in newspaper headlines.