Change of Heart (Chapter17/??) - AoixUruha, ByouxUruha, RukixUruha
Title: Change of Heart
Chapters: 17/??
Author: mypaperdoll1611
Genre: Yaoi, Drama, Romance, Comedy, Smut, Slice of Life
Warnings: nothing here yet
Ratings: PG-13/NC-17
Pairings/Characters: AoixUruha, ByouxUruha, RukixUruha, ReitaxRuki, ShinxIv
Band: the GazettE, Vivid, Sadie, ScReW
Summary: Uruha has the best of life. Great family, nice friends, and good at almost everything. Aoi, on the other hand, is a talented and genius young man who'll risk everything for his dreams and a chance to escape his miseries. Two opposite world collides, jealousy and hate enveloped the raven one to the other who got everything he wanted. Rivalry took place but soon they'll discover that life played on them and they must live the life of the other.
Disclaimer: I wish but I declined. Many fan girls would try to kill me^^
Comments: Sorry for the long updates~
[Act 17: The Little Girl]
“Yes, my name is Takashima Chizuru. I’m three-years old. My uncle is working here as a doctor. My mother died two years after Chizuru was born and my father has a different surname with me, grandpa, grandma, and uncle. Chizuru couldn’t understand the reason very well but Chizuru’s very sure that Shiroyama Aoi is my Daddy.”
A sudden throb hurt my heart. It’s not impossible that he has his own family. I don’t understand but I want to cry. This little girl in front of me, every word she says hurts me. We are standing at the busy crowd of the hospital, there are seats on our right for the waiting patients, nurses keep passing us, I’m hearing cries of a baby, and the sound of the moving wheel-chair. We just stand here in the middle and have our conversation but honestly I want to end this a soon as possible. Ruki come now and save me. Among all of these people surrounding us, no one knows that she’s going to devour me.
“Mister, who are you?”
“I… I am…” Uruha wasn’t able to respond to that simple question, “Who the hell are you Takashima Uruha?” He kneeled down at the child’s level and forced a smile.
“Why are you smiling, Mister? Weird… but Chizuru knows. Grandpa and Grandma talked a lot about you. Uncle said you’re a gentle and wonderful person. Now that Chizuru thinks about it, Chizuru thinks they’re all wrong. What’s so wonderful about you anyway, Mister? Chizuru couldn’t understand.”
Uruha just looked at her with sorrowful eyes. He couldn’t rebut that insult from a three-year old kid. A doctor suddenly lifted the kid like a kitten and let her sit on his shoulders, his head in between, “Oi Chizuru, who taught you to speak like that to others?”
“Don’t know. Chizuru thinks he’s weird. Why can’t he introduce himself? It seems like he doesn’t know himself.”
She hurt him again, Uruha bit his lips. His hands were tightly clenching inside his pocket. He looked at the familiar name written on the name tag of the doctor. He looked at him on the eyes. His gaze was returned with a warm smile.
“But Chizuru likes weird things, isn’t it?”
“Hmmm, not really, I hate this Mister. After all, Daddy couldn’t love Mommy because of him that’s why she died.”
“Eh? What is she talking about?” Uruha asked himself.
“Chizuru, stop it,” the doctor suddenly pulled Uruha’s arms. The other just obeyed the direction of the force as he was brought to a neatly organized office. He let the girl sat on a chair while he pulled Uruha in the bedside and closed the curtain to keep the little kid’s eyes away from what he was about to do. Suddenly, Byou kissed Uruha.
“I seriously want to rape you right now,” he held Uruha on his waist. He lifted up the other’s chin, the distance of their faces were almost an inch apart.
“Chizuru can hear you, you know. I’m going to turn the TV on!”
“That kid… she knows, right? The things about me…”
Byou sighed and let Uruha go, “You didn’t even reply to my humor. What a waste! I was expecting you to beat the hell out of me but you just go like… That kid, she knows, right? The things about me… Bla! You’re like a dead meat, silly head!” Byou brushed Uruha’s hair, just like the old days. That sensation was clear to Uruha’s mind.
“That kid is a brat but she’s smart. It’s clear for her that it’s nobody’s fault that her mother died. I just couldn’t understand her sometimes. Don’t mind her,” Byou grab a soda on his mini-refrigerator. “But I know one thing she’s aware of you right now…”
Uruha opened the can and looked at Byou as the other closed their distance again, cupping his face gently. That was when he noticed that Byou’s wearing brown contacts.
“What… makes you scared? Your true self won’t come out if you’re scared of it. Chizuru probably noticed that,” Byou damped a brief kiss to the other.
Uruha wiped his lips, his face looked annoyed, “Why do you have to kiss me every time, you reply Hentai-niisan?” Byou distanced himself and laughed.
“That’s it! That’s it! Good reaction,” Byou took a camera.
“Ah, stop it! Anyway, I’m not scared! I want it! The truth…”
“Oh, do you really wish for it?” Byou sat away from Uruha and crossed his arms then pretended he’s reading something really important. “That guy you are with, ah… Ruki, if I remember his name correctly, often visits here to check his heart condition. I think he’s having complications. This is going to be critical in the future. Ah but I don’t care, I just care if you have sex with him, do you Uruha?”
“Wha- How can you ask something vulgar like that? He’s my lover that’s why we…” Uruha pouted. “Don’t talk about him like that. He’s important to me.”
“Oh…” Byou sounded teasingly, he pulled the curtains and there he was the topic of their discussion. “Ruki-san, I guess.”
“Whatever crap you’re feeding his brain, I don’t give a damn. Just let us go home, I pulled some wire of that sleeping patient you have on the next room. He might be dying now.”
“Manabu won’t die even if you pull his oxygen. He might be comatose in four years but he’s alive. I better check him thou,” Byou looked at Uruha, “Lucky are those people who are asleep and have the chance to wake up. Manabu, still haven’t had that opportunity but you… when will you open your eyes, little sleeping princess?”
“Don’t speak like you know every thing…” Ruki’s voice was deep into Uruha’s ears. If he didn’t do anything, Uruha knows that any minute, Ruki’s going to burst out of anger.
“Of course I do! Are you kidding me? I am… after all… his brother!” Laughing, Byou walked to the exit passing through Ruki. He tapped the other’s shoulders and whispered, “Little midget, you don’t stand a chance when I get angry. Though I like to see how interesting your plans are and how Aoi’s reacting to it, I don’t like the idea of letting you keep my cute little Uruchin.”
Chizuru followed his uncle but before she disappeared she looked back, “Mister, I don’t really hate you. Can I call you Uruha-chan from now on?”
Uruha came nearer to the girl and wore a comforting smile, “Yes sure, Chizuru-chan. You’re still a kid but you talk a lot. You’re a smart little princess.”
“Hmmm, weird,” Chizuru cupped Uruha’s face. “I will forgive you. For everything, I will forgive you just tell me you love my father and I won’t care if among everything in this world, my father loves you the most.”
That moment widened my eyes and let me see things clearer and more vivid than before. My heart runs and wishes that what I just heard isn’t just a delusion of my covered ears. Wrapping my heart into a dark black cloth, I knew there’s something hiding in there. For whom this heart beat? Her words gave me happiness. Knowing that Aoi loves me, what does it make for me? I let a tear slides into my eyes. I know now how her words hurt me a lot. It’s all meaningful, might be all true. I suddenly felt a furious envy on my heart.
I envy this three-year old girl who knows everything.
“I am Uruha’s lover. Your father doesn’t mean anything to him at all.” Ruki pulled Uruha to stand up.
“Hmmm… weird, then why won’t Uruha-chan looked at you?” Chizuru left hopping like a girl walking to an amusing park.
“Brat,” Ruki gritted his teeth, fist were closed tightly.
“Ruki, it’s just a kid, just ignore her,” Uruha turned to face him. He’s fixing Ruki’s sort of distorted collar.
It was silent. They went off from the hospital without a single word to escape from Ruki or Uruha’s lips. Uruha was about to open the car when Ruki just continued to walk. He doesn’t seem to space out or something so Uruha just followed him and closed the car’s door. After miles of walking, Uruha saw the ocean. He never thought that there’s an ocean near the hospital. There was a stair connecting the road and the sand touching the sea. Ruki slowly stepped downstairs and stop in the middle. Uruha did the same but he was a single step down to Ruki, making the latter taller.
“It’s the sea!” Uruha stretched his arm. “Too bad it’s winter!”
“I… I’m tired…” arms came from behind hugging Uruha on his shoulders. Uruha could see how those words exactly escaped Ruki’s lips. “It’s enough.”
“What’s wrong Ruki? Is there something wrong with the result of the examination? You know, I’m worried. You’re often having attacks lately.”
“Remember it. Don’t force yourself to forget. Remember it. Even it comes to the point of you hating me, remember it.”
“Ruki, I… There’s something really wrong with you. I cannot possibly hate you. You take care of me and my family. You support me. You love me. How can I possibly hate you? I just can’t remember a thing, that’s it. Ruki did nothing wrong.”
“Enough!” Ruki sighed and smiled. “I won’t force you anymore. You can be with whatever you wanted to be. Listen here,” Ruki turned Uruha to face him. “Isn’t it funny how I took possession of you? I want you to be with me, to choose me. I might have been suffocated you with these feelings of mine that’s why you decided to escape and jump from that window. That’s when you lost your memories Uruha. You wanted to see Aoi that much because you love him.”
Uruha had a flashed of the past. Tears fell like shooting stars for both of them. Uruha remembered how Ruki treated him, raped him, forced the things Ruki wished to him and how Ruki tried to kill Uruha’s feelings for Aoi. He never had a good memory on New York. That’s what he thought when suddenly, a flashed of Ruki’s smile appeared before his memory. One, then two, then more of Ruki’s smiling and gentle face appeared before him.
Smile, why is it Ruki’s smiling that time? That time, that moment, every single memory of him smiling, I wonder what’s the reason behind it. Ah, I remember. It was when I first cooked breakfast for him because he promised that we’re going to visit my mother at the hospital. It was when we first dated at a classy restaurant after Iv was brought out the mental institute. It was when I say “thank you” to him when he let me talked to Shin and the other friends I used to have. It was when I took care of him when he had a cold because of looking for me when I got lost in New York. Everything he smiles for, it’s all because of me.
“Ruki, I sort of understand what Ruki feels…” Uruha bit his lips trying to stop the raging tears that was about to fall harder, “But even I understand that, I can’t bring myself to return the same feelings for Ruki. It’s so cruel that I can’t forget about Aoi.”
Yeah, the memories are flowing on me like a river in the midst of storm. It’s full of strength and excruciating. That time, that painful night, Ruki locked me inside my room. He caught me when I was about to dial Aoi’s number. I can’t handle the bereavement I had for him. I want to touch him, to feel him, to hug him, to kiss him, to love him. I looked at the proud moon shining on me across that glass window that I have. Amusingly, there is a flower fluttering in the wind. My body responded on its own, reaching for it, wishing that these feelings would flow with the wind. I know Ruki’s crying at that moment he locked me. He’s hurt even I was the one who’s caged. I whispered a wish upon falling from that window, a wish to forget everything just be the man who’s not going to hurt Ruki anymore. Everything is my wish.
“No, it wasn’t your fault,” Ruki wiped the other’s tears even his own was falling too, “I’m always getting betrayed by the people I trusted and loved the most. I just couldn’t seem to get over with these feelings. I just wanted to at least, to have someone whom I can hold, whom I can posses, whom I can be assure that won’t betray me. And you know what, that’s when you came in the picture. Thank you Uruha for letting me carry those feelings to you,”
“Then why are you doing this? It’s okay. I hate to see Ruki like this. Why are you letting me go now?”
Ruki laughed, “Maybe a sudden change of heart? I’m sick of being the antagonist of your life. I finally see life in 360 degrees,” Ruki pinched Uruha’s cheeks. “Honestly, I don’t want to do this but I might end up hurting you in the end. Uruha…” Ruki sighed again but this time deeper and took a long pause.
“I don’t want to go to Aoi and leave Ruki alone. I couldn’t be happy like that! Besides, Aoi was married. He could live without me but Ruki…”
“URUHA!!!” Ruki’s voice shaken Uruha. “Shut up. You see, I…” Uruha fell on his knees as Ruki suddenly became mute on his ears but his eyes didn’t fail to read the message from his lips. Ruki bowed his head, still holding one hand to Uruha who kneeled on the stairs. Their cries resonated with the waves of the ocean.
“Uruha, I might be dying soon.”
A/N: Ya~ho~ Still here? Then I shall thank you for waiting and supporting this fic. Thank you so much.
Chapters: 17/??
Author: mypaperdoll1611
Genre: Yaoi, Drama, Romance, Comedy, Smut, Slice of Life
Warnings: nothing here yet
Ratings: PG-13/NC-17
Pairings/Characters: AoixUruha, ByouxUruha, RukixUruha, ReitaxRuki, ShinxIv
Band: the GazettE, Vivid, Sadie, ScReW
Summary: Uruha has the best of life. Great family, nice friends, and good at almost everything. Aoi, on the other hand, is a talented and genius young man who'll risk everything for his dreams and a chance to escape his miseries. Two opposite world collides, jealousy and hate enveloped the raven one to the other who got everything he wanted. Rivalry took place but soon they'll discover that life played on them and they must live the life of the other.
Disclaimer: I wish but I declined. Many fan girls would try to kill me^^
Comments: Sorry for the long updates~
[Act 17: The Little Girl]
“Yes, my name is Takashima Chizuru. I’m three-years old. My uncle is working here as a doctor. My mother died two years after Chizuru was born and my father has a different surname with me, grandpa, grandma, and uncle. Chizuru couldn’t understand the reason very well but Chizuru’s very sure that Shiroyama Aoi is my Daddy.”
A sudden throb hurt my heart. It’s not impossible that he has his own family. I don’t understand but I want to cry. This little girl in front of me, every word she says hurts me. We are standing at the busy crowd of the hospital, there are seats on our right for the waiting patients, nurses keep passing us, I’m hearing cries of a baby, and the sound of the moving wheel-chair. We just stand here in the middle and have our conversation but honestly I want to end this a soon as possible. Ruki come now and save me. Among all of these people surrounding us, no one knows that she’s going to devour me.
“Mister, who are you?”
“I… I am…” Uruha wasn’t able to respond to that simple question, “Who the hell are you Takashima Uruha?” He kneeled down at the child’s level and forced a smile.
“Why are you smiling, Mister? Weird… but Chizuru knows. Grandpa and Grandma talked a lot about you. Uncle said you’re a gentle and wonderful person. Now that Chizuru thinks about it, Chizuru thinks they’re all wrong. What’s so wonderful about you anyway, Mister? Chizuru couldn’t understand.”
Uruha just looked at her with sorrowful eyes. He couldn’t rebut that insult from a three-year old kid. A doctor suddenly lifted the kid like a kitten and let her sit on his shoulders, his head in between, “Oi Chizuru, who taught you to speak like that to others?”
“Don’t know. Chizuru thinks he’s weird. Why can’t he introduce himself? It seems like he doesn’t know himself.”
She hurt him again, Uruha bit his lips. His hands were tightly clenching inside his pocket. He looked at the familiar name written on the name tag of the doctor. He looked at him on the eyes. His gaze was returned with a warm smile.
“But Chizuru likes weird things, isn’t it?”
“Hmmm, not really, I hate this Mister. After all, Daddy couldn’t love Mommy because of him that’s why she died.”
“Eh? What is she talking about?” Uruha asked himself.
“Chizuru, stop it,” the doctor suddenly pulled Uruha’s arms. The other just obeyed the direction of the force as he was brought to a neatly organized office. He let the girl sat on a chair while he pulled Uruha in the bedside and closed the curtain to keep the little kid’s eyes away from what he was about to do. Suddenly, Byou kissed Uruha.
“I seriously want to rape you right now,” he held Uruha on his waist. He lifted up the other’s chin, the distance of their faces were almost an inch apart.
“Chizuru can hear you, you know. I’m going to turn the TV on!”
“That kid… she knows, right? The things about me…”
Byou sighed and let Uruha go, “You didn’t even reply to my humor. What a waste! I was expecting you to beat the hell out of me but you just go like… That kid, she knows, right? The things about me… Bla! You’re like a dead meat, silly head!” Byou brushed Uruha’s hair, just like the old days. That sensation was clear to Uruha’s mind.
“That kid is a brat but she’s smart. It’s clear for her that it’s nobody’s fault that her mother died. I just couldn’t understand her sometimes. Don’t mind her,” Byou grab a soda on his mini-refrigerator. “But I know one thing she’s aware of you right now…”
Uruha opened the can and looked at Byou as the other closed their distance again, cupping his face gently. That was when he noticed that Byou’s wearing brown contacts.
“What… makes you scared? Your true self won’t come out if you’re scared of it. Chizuru probably noticed that,” Byou damped a brief kiss to the other.
Uruha wiped his lips, his face looked annoyed, “Why do you have to kiss me every time, you reply Hentai-niisan?” Byou distanced himself and laughed.
“That’s it! That’s it! Good reaction,” Byou took a camera.
“Ah, stop it! Anyway, I’m not scared! I want it! The truth…”
“Oh, do you really wish for it?” Byou sat away from Uruha and crossed his arms then pretended he’s reading something really important. “That guy you are with, ah… Ruki, if I remember his name correctly, often visits here to check his heart condition. I think he’s having complications. This is going to be critical in the future. Ah but I don’t care, I just care if you have sex with him, do you Uruha?”
“Wha- How can you ask something vulgar like that? He’s my lover that’s why we…” Uruha pouted. “Don’t talk about him like that. He’s important to me.”
“Oh…” Byou sounded teasingly, he pulled the curtains and there he was the topic of their discussion. “Ruki-san, I guess.”
“Whatever crap you’re feeding his brain, I don’t give a damn. Just let us go home, I pulled some wire of that sleeping patient you have on the next room. He might be dying now.”
“Manabu won’t die even if you pull his oxygen. He might be comatose in four years but he’s alive. I better check him thou,” Byou looked at Uruha, “Lucky are those people who are asleep and have the chance to wake up. Manabu, still haven’t had that opportunity but you… when will you open your eyes, little sleeping princess?”
“Don’t speak like you know every thing…” Ruki’s voice was deep into Uruha’s ears. If he didn’t do anything, Uruha knows that any minute, Ruki’s going to burst out of anger.
“Of course I do! Are you kidding me? I am… after all… his brother!” Laughing, Byou walked to the exit passing through Ruki. He tapped the other’s shoulders and whispered, “Little midget, you don’t stand a chance when I get angry. Though I like to see how interesting your plans are and how Aoi’s reacting to it, I don’t like the idea of letting you keep my cute little Uruchin.”
Chizuru followed his uncle but before she disappeared she looked back, “Mister, I don’t really hate you. Can I call you Uruha-chan from now on?”
Uruha came nearer to the girl and wore a comforting smile, “Yes sure, Chizuru-chan. You’re still a kid but you talk a lot. You’re a smart little princess.”
“Hmmm, weird,” Chizuru cupped Uruha’s face. “I will forgive you. For everything, I will forgive you just tell me you love my father and I won’t care if among everything in this world, my father loves you the most.”
That moment widened my eyes and let me see things clearer and more vivid than before. My heart runs and wishes that what I just heard isn’t just a delusion of my covered ears. Wrapping my heart into a dark black cloth, I knew there’s something hiding in there. For whom this heart beat? Her words gave me happiness. Knowing that Aoi loves me, what does it make for me? I let a tear slides into my eyes. I know now how her words hurt me a lot. It’s all meaningful, might be all true. I suddenly felt a furious envy on my heart.
I envy this three-year old girl who knows everything.
“I am Uruha’s lover. Your father doesn’t mean anything to him at all.” Ruki pulled Uruha to stand up.
“Hmmm… weird, then why won’t Uruha-chan looked at you?” Chizuru left hopping like a girl walking to an amusing park.
“Brat,” Ruki gritted his teeth, fist were closed tightly.
“Ruki, it’s just a kid, just ignore her,” Uruha turned to face him. He’s fixing Ruki’s sort of distorted collar.
It was silent. They went off from the hospital without a single word to escape from Ruki or Uruha’s lips. Uruha was about to open the car when Ruki just continued to walk. He doesn’t seem to space out or something so Uruha just followed him and closed the car’s door. After miles of walking, Uruha saw the ocean. He never thought that there’s an ocean near the hospital. There was a stair connecting the road and the sand touching the sea. Ruki slowly stepped downstairs and stop in the middle. Uruha did the same but he was a single step down to Ruki, making the latter taller.
“It’s the sea!” Uruha stretched his arm. “Too bad it’s winter!”
“I… I’m tired…” arms came from behind hugging Uruha on his shoulders. Uruha could see how those words exactly escaped Ruki’s lips. “It’s enough.”
“What’s wrong Ruki? Is there something wrong with the result of the examination? You know, I’m worried. You’re often having attacks lately.”
“Remember it. Don’t force yourself to forget. Remember it. Even it comes to the point of you hating me, remember it.”
“Ruki, I… There’s something really wrong with you. I cannot possibly hate you. You take care of me and my family. You support me. You love me. How can I possibly hate you? I just can’t remember a thing, that’s it. Ruki did nothing wrong.”
“Enough!” Ruki sighed and smiled. “I won’t force you anymore. You can be with whatever you wanted to be. Listen here,” Ruki turned Uruha to face him. “Isn’t it funny how I took possession of you? I want you to be with me, to choose me. I might have been suffocated you with these feelings of mine that’s why you decided to escape and jump from that window. That’s when you lost your memories Uruha. You wanted to see Aoi that much because you love him.”
Uruha had a flashed of the past. Tears fell like shooting stars for both of them. Uruha remembered how Ruki treated him, raped him, forced the things Ruki wished to him and how Ruki tried to kill Uruha’s feelings for Aoi. He never had a good memory on New York. That’s what he thought when suddenly, a flashed of Ruki’s smile appeared before his memory. One, then two, then more of Ruki’s smiling and gentle face appeared before him.
Smile, why is it Ruki’s smiling that time? That time, that moment, every single memory of him smiling, I wonder what’s the reason behind it. Ah, I remember. It was when I first cooked breakfast for him because he promised that we’re going to visit my mother at the hospital. It was when we first dated at a classy restaurant after Iv was brought out the mental institute. It was when I say “thank you” to him when he let me talked to Shin and the other friends I used to have. It was when I took care of him when he had a cold because of looking for me when I got lost in New York. Everything he smiles for, it’s all because of me.
“Ruki, I sort of understand what Ruki feels…” Uruha bit his lips trying to stop the raging tears that was about to fall harder, “But even I understand that, I can’t bring myself to return the same feelings for Ruki. It’s so cruel that I can’t forget about Aoi.”
Yeah, the memories are flowing on me like a river in the midst of storm. It’s full of strength and excruciating. That time, that painful night, Ruki locked me inside my room. He caught me when I was about to dial Aoi’s number. I can’t handle the bereavement I had for him. I want to touch him, to feel him, to hug him, to kiss him, to love him. I looked at the proud moon shining on me across that glass window that I have. Amusingly, there is a flower fluttering in the wind. My body responded on its own, reaching for it, wishing that these feelings would flow with the wind. I know Ruki’s crying at that moment he locked me. He’s hurt even I was the one who’s caged. I whispered a wish upon falling from that window, a wish to forget everything just be the man who’s not going to hurt Ruki anymore. Everything is my wish.
“No, it wasn’t your fault,” Ruki wiped the other’s tears even his own was falling too, “I’m always getting betrayed by the people I trusted and loved the most. I just couldn’t seem to get over with these feelings. I just wanted to at least, to have someone whom I can hold, whom I can posses, whom I can be assure that won’t betray me. And you know what, that’s when you came in the picture. Thank you Uruha for letting me carry those feelings to you,”
“Then why are you doing this? It’s okay. I hate to see Ruki like this. Why are you letting me go now?”
Ruki laughed, “Maybe a sudden change of heart? I’m sick of being the antagonist of your life. I finally see life in 360 degrees,” Ruki pinched Uruha’s cheeks. “Honestly, I don’t want to do this but I might end up hurting you in the end. Uruha…” Ruki sighed again but this time deeper and took a long pause.
“I don’t want to go to Aoi and leave Ruki alone. I couldn’t be happy like that! Besides, Aoi was married. He could live without me but Ruki…”
“URUHA!!!” Ruki’s voice shaken Uruha. “Shut up. You see, I…” Uruha fell on his knees as Ruki suddenly became mute on his ears but his eyes didn’t fail to read the message from his lips. Ruki bowed his head, still holding one hand to Uruha who kneeled on the stairs. Their cries resonated with the waves of the ocean.
“Uruha, I might be dying soon.”
A/N: Ya~ho~ Still here? Then I shall thank you for waiting and supporting this fic. Thank you so much.