i remember...
..when i was in 10th grade and savannah and I would eat 1 cup of cheerios a day. a coffee cup full of black coffee and we'd always have a fucking water bottle in our hands. We loved our power. We had it all summer. Control started going away and binges were introduced into our lives. What was this? bingeing? ha ha our control fell from our grip. What i find facinating is that we both did this together. We never said let's get sick and warp our minds we didn't even think the concept of starvation or anorexia was an option... our goal wasn't to be perfect at first. In our honest minds to us this was a normal way to get thin. End of story.
We weren't wannarexic's. i didnt even know what that was back then ha ha (i do now i see them/hear them live amongst me in my everyday life) but it's no joke.
Now I'm almost 20 and this mess comes and goes in waves. well now that i think of it i first started starving myself in 8th grade. I don't feel sad about it. It's been with me for awhile now.
I just don't know.
This is me.
I either count every single calorie and limit.
or I go out of control.
there is no such thing as a middle ground.
i just want the control back.
i want noooo chances of a binge, ever.
at least like the perfect summers
We weren't wannarexic's. i didnt even know what that was back then ha ha (i do now i see them/hear them live amongst me in my everyday life) but it's no joke.
Now I'm almost 20 and this mess comes and goes in waves. well now that i think of it i first started starving myself in 8th grade. I don't feel sad about it. It's been with me for awhile now.
I just don't know.
This is me.
I either count every single calorie and limit.
or I go out of control.
there is no such thing as a middle ground.
i just want the control back.
i want noooo chances of a binge, ever.
at least like the perfect summers