I might be going away for a while.
That's right. I'm being charged with assault. What could be better around this time of year? Who's the helpless victim? Some girl named Debbie who claims that I assaulted her outside a night club last weekend. Did I assault a girl outside of a nightclub this weekend? Yes I did. I suppose. But this girl was asking for it. And I'm not saying that she asked for it like she was being a bitch or something and I decided to lay her out or anything like that. She was asking to be slapped. Over and over again. You might think that someone who asks to be slapped wouldn't call the police on the person after they got what they wanted. But Debbie sure will.
What happened was I was in the club walking around and dancing up a storm when this girl approached me and asked if I wanted to dance with her. I told her no thanks, I do fine on my own and she started laughing. She must have thought I was joking because she started dancing with me anyways. After seeing that she wasn't a very strong dancer I decided it was ok because she was just making me look better. We continued for a little while until she turned to me and asked, clear as day, for me to slap her.
Now I'm not just going to hull off and slap a girl just because she asks I don't care how empowering it is to some girls. It was one of those freak clubs where the girls wear Timberlands and dance to Le Tigre. So I understood how a girl would want to be slapped like she's a man because that would make her feel stronger. Still though I'm not going to do it because I'm a gentleman and it wouldn't be right. So instead of giving in to her request I simply smiled and laughed it off. This of course went right over the bitches head because she asked again right away. I decided it would be best to tell her I would later then sneak out when she wasn't paying attention. Of course she gave me the "Get over yourself" look but still, I'm not going to slap a girl just because she asked me to.
So a couple hours later I decided it was time to go and I was walking out to my car when I heard this girl from behind me shout my name. I turned and looked and it was Debbie and her friends. She approached and asked to be slapped again. This is what she said, word for word, "How about you give me those digits now?" I didn't want to offend her and her friends so I decided I'd just do it. And let me tell you something. They freaked the fuck out. I had five girls in my face the moment I finished laying one across her mouth. They all must have been in on it or something you know? Like they have to get a man in trouble to make themselves feel better or something. It's total bullshit. I'm not worried though because I'm just going to explain this all to the judge and he's totally going to throw them in jail instead.
What happened was I was in the club walking around and dancing up a storm when this girl approached me and asked if I wanted to dance with her. I told her no thanks, I do fine on my own and she started laughing. She must have thought I was joking because she started dancing with me anyways. After seeing that she wasn't a very strong dancer I decided it was ok because she was just making me look better. We continued for a little while until she turned to me and asked, clear as day, for me to slap her.
Now I'm not just going to hull off and slap a girl just because she asks I don't care how empowering it is to some girls. It was one of those freak clubs where the girls wear Timberlands and dance to Le Tigre. So I understood how a girl would want to be slapped like she's a man because that would make her feel stronger. Still though I'm not going to do it because I'm a gentleman and it wouldn't be right. So instead of giving in to her request I simply smiled and laughed it off. This of course went right over the bitches head because she asked again right away. I decided it would be best to tell her I would later then sneak out when she wasn't paying attention. Of course she gave me the "Get over yourself" look but still, I'm not going to slap a girl just because she asked me to.
So a couple hours later I decided it was time to go and I was walking out to my car when I heard this girl from behind me shout my name. I turned and looked and it was Debbie and her friends. She approached and asked to be slapped again. This is what she said, word for word, "How about you give me those digits now?" I didn't want to offend her and her friends so I decided I'd just do it. And let me tell you something. They freaked the fuck out. I had five girls in my face the moment I finished laying one across her mouth. They all must have been in on it or something you know? Like they have to get a man in trouble to make themselves feel better or something. It's total bullshit. I'm not worried though because I'm just going to explain this all to the judge and he's totally going to throw them in jail instead.