(no subject)
Can’t find the answers
I’ve been crawling on my knees
Looking for anything
To keep me from drowning
Promises have been turned to lies
Can’t even be honest inside
Now I’m running backward
Watching my life wave me goodbye
Running blind
I’m running blind
Somebody help me see I’m running blind
Searching for nothing
Wondering if I’ll change
I’m trying everything
But everything still stays the same
I thought if I showed you I could fly
Wouldn’t need anyone by my side
Now I’m running backward
With broken wings I know I’ll die
Todays a really bad day..as if it matters though at this point..
cant help but feel helpless and hopeless..
i ended up gettin mad at amanda today and talking to her today..the sad thing was it was over something..i guess pointless now since it doesnt matter how tight i hold on..things will never be the same and hell never b mine again..but all she seemed to care about throughout the entire thing was making sure shed get to hang out w/ him..not that i was hurt...not that id b hurt...the other day i was reading my old live journal loser24 an it was pretty much mostly all about last summer and me and hers good times..and it made me miss those days..and hurts to see now how much those people were my universe and i spent every moment with them and now..its as though..its all gone..im not one to let the past go..or people i cared about go..they could hurt me more than anyone could imagine and id still miss the good times w/ them...
Ashley walked out when i couldnt have been worse..and its the second time and i cant help but be hurt..i never walked out on her when she was down...i never signed offline no matter how much she wasnt listening 2 me..i never hung up on her..and for her to just leave...it just hurts more than id think..but maybe i should be used to it cz for the longest time i held everything in..dealing with it alone..
I feel like a horrible friend..the close friends ive had recently..i seem to just somehow push out of my life..i always seem to hurt them even though it is unintentional...Steve..we chill and i know from the events that happen hurt him..so my choices are either not chill w/ him...or there be a possibility that every time we chill the events occur and i jus hurt him..either way..kills me..ashley..uggh..i just feel i just hurt every1 i care about the most..like its a curse i carry along with me
Cz of this "curse" i feel i carry around..i wanna to push every1 i care about away..carry on w/ my life alone..afraid if i get close to them ill just do something to hurt them..cz so far..ive done that with every1...
I called billy..and he just kept telling me he was busy and had 2 go..since he picked up the phone after the first ring..i knew he was on it..and hurts to know hell never care as much as he did before..ill never b to him what i was before..maybe..its time i just let go..or seem ive let go..cz if ne1 knows they know its not true.
I’ve been crawling on my knees
Looking for anything
To keep me from drowning
Promises have been turned to lies
Can’t even be honest inside
Now I’m running backward
Watching my life wave me goodbye
Running blind
I’m running blind
Somebody help me see I’m running blind
Searching for nothing
Wondering if I’ll change
I’m trying everything
But everything still stays the same
I thought if I showed you I could fly
Wouldn’t need anyone by my side
Now I’m running backward
With broken wings I know I’ll die
Todays a really bad day..as if it matters though at this point..
cant help but feel helpless and hopeless..
i ended up gettin mad at amanda today and talking to her today..the sad thing was it was over something..i guess pointless now since it doesnt matter how tight i hold on..things will never be the same and hell never b mine again..but all she seemed to care about throughout the entire thing was making sure shed get to hang out w/ him..not that i was hurt...not that id b hurt...the other day i was reading my old live journal loser24 an it was pretty much mostly all about last summer and me and hers good times..and it made me miss those days..and hurts to see now how much those people were my universe and i spent every moment with them and now..its as though..its all gone..im not one to let the past go..or people i cared about go..they could hurt me more than anyone could imagine and id still miss the good times w/ them...
Ashley walked out when i couldnt have been worse..and its the second time and i cant help but be hurt..i never walked out on her when she was down...i never signed offline no matter how much she wasnt listening 2 me..i never hung up on her..and for her to just leave...it just hurts more than id think..but maybe i should be used to it cz for the longest time i held everything in..dealing with it alone..
I feel like a horrible friend..the close friends ive had recently..i seem to just somehow push out of my life..i always seem to hurt them even though it is unintentional...Steve..we chill and i know from the events that happen hurt him..so my choices are either not chill w/ him...or there be a possibility that every time we chill the events occur and i jus hurt him..either way..kills me..ashley..uggh..i just feel i just hurt every1 i care about the most..like its a curse i carry along with me
Cz of this "curse" i feel i carry around..i wanna to push every1 i care about away..carry on w/ my life alone..afraid if i get close to them ill just do something to hurt them..cz so far..ive done that with every1...
I called billy..and he just kept telling me he was busy and had 2 go..since he picked up the phone after the first ring..i knew he was on it..and hurts to know hell never care as much as he did before..ill never b to him what i was before..maybe..its time i just let go..or seem ive let go..cz if ne1 knows they know its not true.