couldnt sleep

Mar 30, 2005 22:42

So I went through and deleted all the past entries. it was insane to see all the times I wrote "its over" and about "how sad" I was and blahdy blah.

a lot has changed I guess. with me. Im with him now. as many times as I wrote I was done, Im with him now. and he tells me hes in love with me and I reply with "Im in love with you too" and its all very comforting. but I still question myself on if hes doing this out of pity. to get me off his back or something because Im annoying maybe? or maybe its true, maybe he really does like me. I kind of feel like Im in a grey area and Black and White will never be distinguished but I can only hope for the best on this.

for four nights straight now I have thought about, for unknown reasons, what I would do if something happened to him. like if something bad happened to him. and then I sit up and cry because it honestly scares me to death to think about things like that. Ive never done that with anyone, thought about what I would do if they werent around, its only came to mind after everything with them is done and over with. Its funny to look back and see how many times I wrote "Im done" or "its over" about him when in reality it had never even started.

I guess I just wish he knew how much I adore him, because tonight he told me he thought I didnt want to come and see him. and everytime I say "I love you" back he says "yeah yeah, whatev." Maybe it was just something thats been on my mind, and thats my reasoning for not being able to sleep..or maybe its something I need to look further into. who knows.
I guess I really want him to know how much I need him and how he has every last bit of me.
this is the most pathetic post EVER.
the end.

<3
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