EPIC.
Spring Break is not supposed to be cold. Perhaps I was expecting too much from the whole episode. Let me explain that phrasing, if I may. I use the term "episode" because of my tendency to live my life as if it was a sitcom. A noble goal, if you ask me- I like the sitcom life because theres not a problem that can't be resolved in less than 30 minutes (With commercials, mind you). I swear to God, no matter what happens, everything is hunky-dory at the end of the episode and we've all learned a lesson. Even if someone's pregnant, by the end of the episode, they've fallen down the stairs, and everyone's learned the importance of guardrails. So I use the term episode. Spring Break was supposed to be the best episode to date. To quote Jake, it was supposed to be "epic". I suppose that in some ways, it was epic. It was long and boring, and large portions had to be translated from Greek.
"So what did you do that made this break so epic, Logan?", you must be pondering. Well, I awnser. I watched every goddamn movie in Blockbusters, with the exception of "The Boy With Green Hair" and "Blood Gnome", which I someday intend to see. I have high hopes for it. I mean, goddamn. It's a gnome, and it's out for BLOOD. The ironic thing about this is that the malovolent force in this film is a gnome, which ranks only several steps above midgets on the scariness meter. Back to Spring Break. We watched a ton of movies. I use "ton" in a strictly literal sense here, for I am postive that if you were to compile all the movies we watched in one place, it would equal, if not exceed two thousand pounds. Some of my personal favorites were "Donnie Darko", a darkly humorous time-travel romp, "K-PAX", a movie about Kevin Spacey as an alien (I could make a joke here, but it's way to easy), and "Dinosaurs, Volume 7". Some of you might remember the TV show Dinosaurs. It was a brilliant, short lived outing, full of child abuse and subtle shots at MTV. In the episode I watched, an old lady had her wheelchair stolen. See why I like it? My personal favorite movie we watched was, without a doubt, "Bubba Ho-tep", a fabulous, hilarious tale of Elvis and a black man who is convinced he is John F. Kennedy fighting a cowboy-flavored, soul-sucking mummy in a southern retirement home. There are quite a few dick jokes, but when you see the pictograph equivalent of "Eat the dog-dick of Anubis, you asswipe", you will understand my fervor for this film. See it, you'll love yourself. And me, but you'd all love me anyways, because I have soft hair and big blue eyes.
Another brilliant break in the epicness of this Spring Break was the sudden creative spark that lead us to create a pinata. There must be a primal urge to create, which is why I find it tragically ironic that we created a pinata, which we would soon destroy in a joyous shower of candy and glitter. I can't say much more on the topic of the pinata, for it is a surprise for someone, and my journal is so widely read that terrorists would invariably hear about the event and then try to sabotage it. Secrecy is vital. So just know that there was a pinata, and it was awesome.
One good thing about Spring Break was that I learned a lot about my friends. For instance, Savanah has small ears and her mother hates her feet. I will commit these facts to memory, for fear that they will someday be on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". Reese, I lerned, has mystical powers over deer. During a friendly game of CRIP, I found that Jake is from the hood, dropping to his knees and covering his head at the sound of a pool ball hitting a window. He must have thought it was a drive-by, or something. It was awesome, even though no one got shot.
We also set shit on fire. It was only wood, though. Drat.
One of the weeks most common actions was missing Derek. He gets back tonight. It's all cool. Hope he had a good time in Florida, and I hope he TPed New Kid. I imagine he had a better time there then we did here. I imagined him on the beach, applying suntan lotion to supermodels. I imagined him burying a little kid in sand, then leaving him there. I imagined him riding a sea turtle as a personal taxi cab around the sea. I imagined him doing all the things I would do, had I been somewhere tropical. If he didn't do all of these, I will be severly upset. I also greatly missed someone else, but no names there, they probably know who they are.
And now it's Easter. Easter is a lot less fun when your parents are godless barbarians. Right now, they're upstairs sacrificing a goat and cavorting around a maypole. Okay, that may or may not be an exageration. Either way, it's epic.
From Logan with Love
"So what did you do that made this break so epic, Logan?", you must be pondering. Well, I awnser. I watched every goddamn movie in Blockbusters, with the exception of "The Boy With Green Hair" and "Blood Gnome", which I someday intend to see. I have high hopes for it. I mean, goddamn. It's a gnome, and it's out for BLOOD. The ironic thing about this is that the malovolent force in this film is a gnome, which ranks only several steps above midgets on the scariness meter. Back to Spring Break. We watched a ton of movies. I use "ton" in a strictly literal sense here, for I am postive that if you were to compile all the movies we watched in one place, it would equal, if not exceed two thousand pounds. Some of my personal favorites were "Donnie Darko", a darkly humorous time-travel romp, "K-PAX", a movie about Kevin Spacey as an alien (I could make a joke here, but it's way to easy), and "Dinosaurs, Volume 7". Some of you might remember the TV show Dinosaurs. It was a brilliant, short lived outing, full of child abuse and subtle shots at MTV. In the episode I watched, an old lady had her wheelchair stolen. See why I like it? My personal favorite movie we watched was, without a doubt, "Bubba Ho-tep", a fabulous, hilarious tale of Elvis and a black man who is convinced he is John F. Kennedy fighting a cowboy-flavored, soul-sucking mummy in a southern retirement home. There are quite a few dick jokes, but when you see the pictograph equivalent of "Eat the dog-dick of Anubis, you asswipe", you will understand my fervor for this film. See it, you'll love yourself. And me, but you'd all love me anyways, because I have soft hair and big blue eyes.
Another brilliant break in the epicness of this Spring Break was the sudden creative spark that lead us to create a pinata. There must be a primal urge to create, which is why I find it tragically ironic that we created a pinata, which we would soon destroy in a joyous shower of candy and glitter. I can't say much more on the topic of the pinata, for it is a surprise for someone, and my journal is so widely read that terrorists would invariably hear about the event and then try to sabotage it. Secrecy is vital. So just know that there was a pinata, and it was awesome.
One good thing about Spring Break was that I learned a lot about my friends. For instance, Savanah has small ears and her mother hates her feet. I will commit these facts to memory, for fear that they will someday be on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". Reese, I lerned, has mystical powers over deer. During a friendly game of CRIP, I found that Jake is from the hood, dropping to his knees and covering his head at the sound of a pool ball hitting a window. He must have thought it was a drive-by, or something. It was awesome, even though no one got shot.
We also set shit on fire. It was only wood, though. Drat.
One of the weeks most common actions was missing Derek. He gets back tonight. It's all cool. Hope he had a good time in Florida, and I hope he TPed New Kid. I imagine he had a better time there then we did here. I imagined him on the beach, applying suntan lotion to supermodels. I imagined him burying a little kid in sand, then leaving him there. I imagined him riding a sea turtle as a personal taxi cab around the sea. I imagined him doing all the things I would do, had I been somewhere tropical. If he didn't do all of these, I will be severly upset. I also greatly missed someone else, but no names there, they probably know who they are.
And now it's Easter. Easter is a lot less fun when your parents are godless barbarians. Right now, they're upstairs sacrificing a goat and cavorting around a maypole. Okay, that may or may not be an exageration. Either way, it's epic.
From Logan with Love