WHY are we SO FAR away????
yeah well I don't care about what I think I should be or believe right now. I am hurting, angry, confused, and yet head-hung-low trusting in God about this topic:
Why are all the people I spent so much time and effort to get to know, grow with, become real with, have fun with, and attached to really far away?!?!?!?
I hate this. I read people talk online about their lives, dreams, ambitions,and relationships, and I get excited till I realize I can't join in (tries not to tear up). Of course I am happy for them. Of course their lives are not centered around me in the least...that would be creepy. But here I am in WV, with a wonderful husband, family, church, and 3-4 friends, granted, but away from what I gave my life to for 4-5 years.
Other friends from my college experience are going through this same thing too. But atleast half or a little over half are still in the MI/OH area. They are all living and working in a place where if my husband and I lived in southern MI or Northern OH, we would be withing 2 hours of SO many people we love including his family. Yes I would be away from MY immediate family, but I have less of a need to see them on a regular basis and if we did move up there, they have the resources and money to come visit more than a lot of the other above mentioned people. I would miss them. I would hurt for anything that happened to my home church. But I....do not want to be here.
I want Josh and I to have a place of our own instead of living with my parents (who are wonderful enough to let us do so, btw), me find a church to minister too and become a part of, josh finding his calling and what course of training and education to get there, and a community of people to have access to within a 2 1/2 hour radius. Then move all the other people who are too far away back to that area and have them too.
Well guess what? there are many details in that "plan" that cannot or will not happen. Our lives may be pretty fluid right now, but josh nor I are in control of any of this considering we gave our lives to God gladly who makes the perfect plan for us and we cannot hire ourselves to whatever jobs we want. They kinda have to hire us. Who'da thunk it.
My mind and soul know that Josh and I will be ok. Heck we will be more than wonderful with what God says we are supposed to do. But my feelings aint ok. Sadly not only do I not know exactly what that is, I have strong longings and feelings towards a plan of my own that has not been happening or confirmed to be right. Josh wants all this too, btw.
So what do I do with these feelings? What do I do about feeling depressed or longing for a life I do not have? These do not have to be answered by anyone, really, but I got to get this out somehow.
Well this is where I am. I am either missing many people who used to be in my life or aching over specific losses I have experienced with a few friends who HAVE been in my life in the past 1 1/2 years. ok things change, great, but there seem to be more and more things I do not know what to do with that are still inside of me.
If anyone does want to respond to this, I BEG you to pray sincerely about it first. Of course this is a sensitive topic for me so careful responses are appreciated. I will not lash out or be dumb with anyone's response, but it would be a little easier on me if I knew people put a lot of thought into this before speaking so that all aching feelings I get from said responses could be more of God trying to get to me than someone being insensitive. But whatever, you all can do what you want.
If no one replies, that's cool too. Atleast I got myself to finally write about it.
Why are all the people I spent so much time and effort to get to know, grow with, become real with, have fun with, and attached to really far away?!?!?!?
I hate this. I read people talk online about their lives, dreams, ambitions,and relationships, and I get excited till I realize I can't join in (tries not to tear up). Of course I am happy for them. Of course their lives are not centered around me in the least...that would be creepy. But here I am in WV, with a wonderful husband, family, church, and 3-4 friends, granted, but away from what I gave my life to for 4-5 years.
Other friends from my college experience are going through this same thing too. But atleast half or a little over half are still in the MI/OH area. They are all living and working in a place where if my husband and I lived in southern MI or Northern OH, we would be withing 2 hours of SO many people we love including his family. Yes I would be away from MY immediate family, but I have less of a need to see them on a regular basis and if we did move up there, they have the resources and money to come visit more than a lot of the other above mentioned people. I would miss them. I would hurt for anything that happened to my home church. But I....do not want to be here.
I want Josh and I to have a place of our own instead of living with my parents (who are wonderful enough to let us do so, btw), me find a church to minister too and become a part of, josh finding his calling and what course of training and education to get there, and a community of people to have access to within a 2 1/2 hour radius. Then move all the other people who are too far away back to that area and have them too.
Well guess what? there are many details in that "plan" that cannot or will not happen. Our lives may be pretty fluid right now, but josh nor I are in control of any of this considering we gave our lives to God gladly who makes the perfect plan for us and we cannot hire ourselves to whatever jobs we want. They kinda have to hire us. Who'da thunk it.
My mind and soul know that Josh and I will be ok. Heck we will be more than wonderful with what God says we are supposed to do. But my feelings aint ok. Sadly not only do I not know exactly what that is, I have strong longings and feelings towards a plan of my own that has not been happening or confirmed to be right. Josh wants all this too, btw.
So what do I do with these feelings? What do I do about feeling depressed or longing for a life I do not have? These do not have to be answered by anyone, really, but I got to get this out somehow.
Well this is where I am. I am either missing many people who used to be in my life or aching over specific losses I have experienced with a few friends who HAVE been in my life in the past 1 1/2 years. ok things change, great, but there seem to be more and more things I do not know what to do with that are still inside of me.
If anyone does want to respond to this, I BEG you to pray sincerely about it first. Of course this is a sensitive topic for me so careful responses are appreciated. I will not lash out or be dumb with anyone's response, but it would be a little easier on me if I knew people put a lot of thought into this before speaking so that all aching feelings I get from said responses could be more of God trying to get to me than someone being insensitive. But whatever, you all can do what you want.
If no one replies, that's cool too. Atleast I got myself to finally write about it.