chips and salsa. (please read guys)
I'm here at my desk eating my chips and salsa.:
These past couple of days have been really really bad. I don't know where to begin but I need to get this off my chest. Most people don't know but my parents have been going through this really nasty divorce since late June. To begin with, I've never been close to my father because he is a sack of shit. Alcoholic, wife beater, and all around asshole. This is all going to be very disorganized so just bear with me. So like I said my parents have been going through this divorce and I implicitly made things worse by siding with my mom. My dad was the main source of income so this divorce is making things really hard on my mom. My dad is staying with the house and my mom has to move out so she's in the process of finding a new home and she needs our help more than ever. I'm not complaining about helping her because she has done so much for me, but it sucks that things have to be his way. My sister called me yesterday and told me that I needed to find a job fast because I needed to start helping out. It's just so weird going from not having to pay for anything to having to help support somebody. I'd rather be dirt poor than take a cent from that piece of horse shit. Anyways, working during the semester is so unhealthy. I dedicate so much time to my academics and I find it really hard to squeeze a job in my schedule. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I wish things hadn't begun or ended so ugly. The last half of my summer was hell. I was staying at my house since I was on break and it was like a battle zone when I was there. I don't wanna sound like I'm complaining but I find it easier to write it than talk to somebody about it. Unless somebody wanted and was willing to hear it out, but I don't think anybody cares. It's sad and the divorce did bother me. I tried acting like it didn't and it showed in my attitude. I probably was an asshole to people I cared about and it's probably why some of those people don't talk to me as much.
Example: I remember being super cool and super close with Val and then when all this stuff was going down and I started being ugly to her. She was changing her whole thing and meeting new people and I got scared and I felt like I was gonna be replaced or whatever. So I just figured I would end a friendship. Since I didn't want anybody to see how vulnerable I was I acted more tough and the way I acted with val was a product of trying to cover up my vulnerability.
It's no excuse. I'm trying to just focus on school as much as I can while not making my mom's situation a huge deal. I take it one step at a time. 1)Do your school work. 2)Find a job. 3)Social Life (not likely). I don't wanna grow bitter so I'm gonna take this as a life lesson and grow from it. I find it more rewarding working for my life than having somebody I hate support me. He says he's sorry but I don't wanna hear it. I told him I want nothing to do with him.
I feel better already. lol. I decided to share this with the public because I wanted anybody who knows me to know why I haven't been myself lately, or for that matter, a while. I wanna try to open up and stop being this robot who doesn't have feelings.
well yea. and if you read this entire thing...thanks. it means a lot.
good riddance big ball of internal mess.
ta-ta,
michael
These past couple of days have been really really bad. I don't know where to begin but I need to get this off my chest. Most people don't know but my parents have been going through this really nasty divorce since late June. To begin with, I've never been close to my father because he is a sack of shit. Alcoholic, wife beater, and all around asshole. This is all going to be very disorganized so just bear with me. So like I said my parents have been going through this divorce and I implicitly made things worse by siding with my mom. My dad was the main source of income so this divorce is making things really hard on my mom. My dad is staying with the house and my mom has to move out so she's in the process of finding a new home and she needs our help more than ever. I'm not complaining about helping her because she has done so much for me, but it sucks that things have to be his way. My sister called me yesterday and told me that I needed to find a job fast because I needed to start helping out. It's just so weird going from not having to pay for anything to having to help support somebody. I'd rather be dirt poor than take a cent from that piece of horse shit. Anyways, working during the semester is so unhealthy. I dedicate so much time to my academics and I find it really hard to squeeze a job in my schedule. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I wish things hadn't begun or ended so ugly. The last half of my summer was hell. I was staying at my house since I was on break and it was like a battle zone when I was there. I don't wanna sound like I'm complaining but I find it easier to write it than talk to somebody about it. Unless somebody wanted and was willing to hear it out, but I don't think anybody cares. It's sad and the divorce did bother me. I tried acting like it didn't and it showed in my attitude. I probably was an asshole to people I cared about and it's probably why some of those people don't talk to me as much.
Example: I remember being super cool and super close with Val and then when all this stuff was going down and I started being ugly to her. She was changing her whole thing and meeting new people and I got scared and I felt like I was gonna be replaced or whatever. So I just figured I would end a friendship. Since I didn't want anybody to see how vulnerable I was I acted more tough and the way I acted with val was a product of trying to cover up my vulnerability.
It's no excuse. I'm trying to just focus on school as much as I can while not making my mom's situation a huge deal. I take it one step at a time. 1)Do your school work. 2)Find a job. 3)Social Life (not likely). I don't wanna grow bitter so I'm gonna take this as a life lesson and grow from it. I find it more rewarding working for my life than having somebody I hate support me. He says he's sorry but I don't wanna hear it. I told him I want nothing to do with him.
I feel better already. lol. I decided to share this with the public because I wanted anybody who knows me to know why I haven't been myself lately, or for that matter, a while. I wanna try to open up and stop being this robot who doesn't have feelings.
well yea. and if you read this entire thing...thanks. it means a lot.
good riddance big ball of internal mess.
ta-ta,
michael