a two three four and
& why not?
I still can't sleep.
The other day I had a conversation with Alex.
Before we were wise enough to shift subjects,
I was sitting around crying and typing things I can't believe I'd say.
& of course, it's all gone now. It's all erased. Like my computer knows what I want to save & purposely hides it from me.
Oh, you magnificent bastard, you.
something that made me smile:
my robotic heart : I am possibly sleeping with Luke.
my robotic heart : This does not make me happy.
my robotic heart : But I can't stop it.
o alexcore o : I understand.
& then I think I said something about "why didn't he love me? why couldn't he? what was wrong with me? he would say how much he wants to be friends, and how fun and pretty I am...but how can this be true when he chose someone else?".
Insert crying here.
Now I'm talking to Aaron on AIM.
Who is depressed.
Who isn't?
It's killing me. I'm trying to invest all this energy in making people I care about happy...only they all seem to be in situations I have no power to affect.
& Bryan and I spoke on the phone for an hour tonight.
He said that when Gen told him what happened with Hai, she'd alluded to there being "a whole other side to things"?
What-fucking-ever.
The worst parts are:
Someone I trusted did this to me.
You tried to turn this into my fault.
Tuesday I have to go and see Noel.
I don't know how I feel about this.
I feel empty :(.
Right now I want to go lie in bed with a boy I actually hold emotions for.
I think.
I still can't sleep.
The other day I had a conversation with Alex.
Before we were wise enough to shift subjects,
I was sitting around crying and typing things I can't believe I'd say.
& of course, it's all gone now. It's all erased. Like my computer knows what I want to save & purposely hides it from me.
Oh, you magnificent bastard, you.
something that made me smile:
my robotic heart : I am possibly sleeping with Luke.
my robotic heart : This does not make me happy.
my robotic heart : But I can't stop it.
o alexcore o : I understand.
& then I think I said something about "why didn't he love me? why couldn't he? what was wrong with me? he would say how much he wants to be friends, and how fun and pretty I am...but how can this be true when he chose someone else?".
Insert crying here.
Now I'm talking to Aaron on AIM.
Who is depressed.
Who isn't?
It's killing me. I'm trying to invest all this energy in making people I care about happy...only they all seem to be in situations I have no power to affect.
& Bryan and I spoke on the phone for an hour tonight.
He said that when Gen told him what happened with Hai, she'd alluded to there being "a whole other side to things"?
What-fucking-ever.
The worst parts are:
Someone I trusted did this to me.
You tried to turn this into my fault.
Tuesday I have to go and see Noel.
I don't know how I feel about this.
I feel empty :(.
Right now I want to go lie in bed with a boy I actually hold emotions for.
I think.