SHIT!!!
OMG!! im in a shitload of trouble! ryans mom called my mom, acually she called my aunt, and my aunt called my mom, so my mom called his mom, but she wasnt there, so ryans sister gave my mom, his moms cell number, and my mom left a message on his moms phone. (wow, i used the word "mom" a lot, haha) anyways, im grounded for like EVER! and i have to go striaght over to work right after school. i cant hang out no more! and my mom is gonna try to get a hold of ryans mom, to see what all was said. i dont know what to do. im in so much trouble. i pretty much know, ill be grounded till im 18. and IM FREAKIN OUT! at one pont, i dont even care, im like o well screw it, what are they gonna do to me? but then im like, OMG!! IM GONNA DIE! im so confused, and lost. and now i wont get to hang out with ryan. OMG! NOW IM REALLY GONNA DIE! im so effing stupid, if it wasnt for me insisting to go over there, none of this would have happened. and i guess ryans mom dont want me over there ever agian, cuz she effing hates me, well i effing hate her too! she ruined my life. now my life sux even more ass. now i really wont be able to go NO WHERE, or talk to NO ONE! maybe by the time we move in our new house, things will be better agian, then i can see ryan more. IM SO STUPID! when chris said he didnt wanna walk woth me, i should have just said ok, well just go after school. but no, i HAD to go THEN! and it sux cuz my mom is all like, you hang out with all these guys by yourself?! i was like, WERE JUST FRIENDS!!! but i dont know. i dont know what to do. i wish i could leave and not have to go home ever. but after me and my mom talked about it, she was bein nice to me. its like she cant be mean for so long. but this weekend is really REALLY gonna suck...my dad comes home. OMG< i swear im gonna fuckin kill myself before he gets here, ill save him the trouble. maybe i should pack up some things, and fuckin leave tonight. ill just go out my window. i could find someone to stay with. i feel so unreal. i was telling my mom how i felt, and she was like, thats not normal. i dont know, im fuckin crazy. i feel like i could fall right off the earth, its like im spinning, and i lost touch with reality. its like a dream that i cant ever wake up from. I HATE IT! i need xanax's. i feel so helpless right now. and i cant even talk to ryan! omg, i just got in trouble for bein on the computer, i cant even get on my journal no more at work i guess. fuck it, i dont care anymore. i hate my fuckin life. i hope something happens, and i die REAL soon. im sick of this life. guess i gotta go. I MISS RYAN!!!
:'(
:'(