fuckinyuckage.
i can feel the pmsage coming on. i hate this time of month, especially the week before. migraines, emotional hijacking, fat food cravage. i guess it's time to hop my ass down to the Y and bust a cap on that treadmill.
i just realized that today is our anniversary. i don't know what it is with me and the 23rd, the date just gets me excited. even at two years i get "tehe" at another month. i'm sure he won't remember. that only stings a little bit since it isn't important, but i did remind him earlier in the week.
i hate myspace. i like it as a communication tool because i find people i haven't talked to/seen in ages and from there we can get back in touch through aim and exchange numbers and shit, like just last night i found my two mormon friends from freshman year. what a trip. the thing i don't like is that everytime i let myself peruse too much, i get jealous and feel like life hasn't been enough. today i was looking at ryans myspace, and i don't know how to describe how it made me feel. jealous that i never got to spend enough time with him before he left, maybe. jealous that tim and jessica get to hear from him and all about how he's doing. he's the kind of guy who has always fascinated me and he makes me want to know more about him. not in a sexual, attracted, i-like-him kind of way, just in a way that he's a good friend and i wish time wasn't limited. it seems like no one else really wonders about this shit, which is weird because i'm as distant from him as could be, but i really get scared thinking something might happen to him getting deployed. at first it was because i couldn't imagine how skott would handle it, or jessica or tim, and his family, and i wouldn't want anyone to go through that, but now i almost feel like i would be just as upset. i guess the few days i talked to him this week kind of scared me. i know he joined the army because he needed it, hell he was a tweaking smoking crackpiped out motherfucker and the army whipped him into shape. still, i miss old times and i wish i had more time with him.
i don't know. i wonder why i'm this kind of person. why do i always value people so much? even the people i'm not close to, i value. and i can't go without telling someone that. i guess i've learned from my cousin. after she lost her dad, she realized that she wanted to be the kind of person who made sure everyone knew how she felt about them, in case she lost them without a moment's notice, because it's possible. i've learned to live like that too. i just wish everyone else could be the same way because some people seem so shy of expression.
well, this is the end of my indulgence. i'm sure i bored you but that's okay.
i just realized that today is our anniversary. i don't know what it is with me and the 23rd, the date just gets me excited. even at two years i get "tehe" at another month. i'm sure he won't remember. that only stings a little bit since it isn't important, but i did remind him earlier in the week.
i hate myspace. i like it as a communication tool because i find people i haven't talked to/seen in ages and from there we can get back in touch through aim and exchange numbers and shit, like just last night i found my two mormon friends from freshman year. what a trip. the thing i don't like is that everytime i let myself peruse too much, i get jealous and feel like life hasn't been enough. today i was looking at ryans myspace, and i don't know how to describe how it made me feel. jealous that i never got to spend enough time with him before he left, maybe. jealous that tim and jessica get to hear from him and all about how he's doing. he's the kind of guy who has always fascinated me and he makes me want to know more about him. not in a sexual, attracted, i-like-him kind of way, just in a way that he's a good friend and i wish time wasn't limited. it seems like no one else really wonders about this shit, which is weird because i'm as distant from him as could be, but i really get scared thinking something might happen to him getting deployed. at first it was because i couldn't imagine how skott would handle it, or jessica or tim, and his family, and i wouldn't want anyone to go through that, but now i almost feel like i would be just as upset. i guess the few days i talked to him this week kind of scared me. i know he joined the army because he needed it, hell he was a tweaking smoking crackpiped out motherfucker and the army whipped him into shape. still, i miss old times and i wish i had more time with him.
i don't know. i wonder why i'm this kind of person. why do i always value people so much? even the people i'm not close to, i value. and i can't go without telling someone that. i guess i've learned from my cousin. after she lost her dad, she realized that she wanted to be the kind of person who made sure everyone knew how she felt about them, in case she lost them without a moment's notice, because it's possible. i've learned to live like that too. i just wish everyone else could be the same way because some people seem so shy of expression.
well, this is the end of my indulgence. i'm sure i bored you but that's okay.