(no subject)
WELL its been kinda stress full the past little while me and my dad arent talking we got in a huge fight about my tatoo and me not seeing him on his time heaven forbid id have a life and have to chang plans or somghing ooooh .... anyway im done complaining about that latley ive been spending alot of time with britney and shane its nice to hang out with others ive been a little stressed last week i almos did somthing realy stupid by sitting in my car in my garage with it running and then this week i ended up scratching my wrist ya i know its dumb but at the time i felt it would be easyer to end life then deal with all the problems ive been off work all week the doctor gave me some time off and increased my meds well as far as me and darren were not doing as good as i hopped were fightign so much and he seems more attracted to everyone else than to me plus he started smoking and his reason was if people see how harmfull it is to him they will stop ARGG what a retard thats not how it works so that realy sucks our relationship seems to be going down hill he never wants to talk money is prety tight as ive been off work and darrens been going to the bar every weekend so who knows im going to try in the next couple of months to try and figure out my finances and see if i cant do it on my own the only this is darren helps with my car insurance so id be paying on my own $490.00 just for car and insuance plus $80 for my cell that doesnt leave much when i make $650 a paychekc ish sometimes more but thats a guess plus i drive to work i pay for gass and parking so ya im fucked unless i can find somone who would roomate i know lynn would let me live in her house she has an appartment like thing she only wants i thin 450 rent that covers everything and meals so i dont know maybe ill have to look for a better paying job cause i also pay for school right now ant thats 55 a month and ive had no time to work on it i dono i guess its just eating me up with no one realy to talk to i dont want to bug gabe cause shes been having a hard time with jammie and i thougt about talking to shane but i dont think thats a good plan cause hes with brit and brit and darren are realy close i dont know what to do any more im running out of options i might pick up smoking hey everyone else does and there fine im not big on the whole livign anyway so why not right the worst it could do is kill me and thats ok for me right now i feel so alone latley darren doesnt want to talk about any of my problems and thats ok but who else do i have and damn i havent had sex in so long the only time we have it is like maybe if im lucky once a month thats not normal im 19 yrs old i should be having sex all the time im just so stressed out right now i dont know what to do i thoguth about seeing a counsolor but i cant afford one i can barly afford the bills i have plus christmas is comming and i still havent bought darrens preasent so argg who knows what will happen my life is so fucked up i could write a book!