(no subject)
well lifes ok a little confusing now yesterday i went out with gabe and did her christmas shopping and then we had lunch and hung out it was nice later on i went to the harry potter movie with shawn which was awsome to have some tiem just with him i dono im so confused me and gabe were taking yesterday and i realized what a predicamin i put my self in i dont know which one ill end up with and im scared to think about it i still care about darren but i realy care about shawn and ya i know i can have 2 relationships but can they have me with other men i dono what to do well i was talking to gabe looking at my finances i could move out on my own but without a roomate that would be hard to do but it would make things easyer i could see them both and not have to worry about the other but if i move out of darrens house that might end it with him and then if shawn doesnt realy care that way id be alone and honestly id rather be unhappy than alone i dont kno what to do i feel so strongly about shawn i dont know if i have a chance at a relationship thought he is a little older but to me i dont care its just i worry that it might make a difference to him i feel so safe with him and i could se my self being with him romaticaly if hed let me but i dono i dont want to make all the moves i guess its so confusing to me i dont know how i feel about eithere of them and it scares the living shit out of me so bad i want to curl up and cry into a corner it would make life so much eazyer i dont want to hide things from anyone but i want to be with shawn and i dont know why its jsut this thing int he bottom of my stomach that makes me want to be near him talk to him anything maybe im obsessed who knows no one understands its such new teritory for me im not saying i want to be with them both forever but im not saying i dont either it sucks so much i hate feeling this confused it hurts inside not knowing how they feel or how i feel i think shawn cares about me which keeps me going and not giving up but i could be viewing everything the way i want to or ARGG i dont know it all sucks damn it well ill write again later