(no subject)
Yesterday, I had my final play critiqued for my play writing class. Surprisingly, the people in my class did not set me on fire. I have about 20something critiques in my folder, most of them a grammatical mess. My play was mostly about a guy on a couch. He doesn't leave the couch to the very end of the play and winds up getting back on the couch at the end. Robert is on the couch. He has just been dumped and refuses to leave his couch for days, ignoring most people and watches TVLAND all day. His best friend, Mark, is kind of a douche but a caring douche and tries to cheer Robert up. Robert's sister, Jen, and his roommate, Casey are frustrated with Robert and both want him to get up and move on. They are really close. Or maybe, a bit too close. "The Boys" are a group of young men who pick up Robert's couch and move him to where the other characters want him to go. Clubbin'!
That was my basic premise. It is odd. Some of my classmates enjoyed it but had trouble reading it because it was in the wrong format. This is how I had it
Robert: his lines.
When it should have been like this
Robert
His lines.
And the time frame was off. I had characters complaining about Robert being on his couch for six months.
Overall, the response was better than I thought it would be. And now I have everything I need for the rewrite. And one person got angry because some lines were seen as racist. For example, Mark says "We have a black President now." Robert says nothing. Then Mark says "That Pixies song is about dating a black dude, how funny is that?" Obviously, this guy has never listened to the Pixies. It's actually a funny song when you listen to the lyrics "Gigantic gigantic gigantic, our BIG BIG LOVE...What a big black mess, what a hunk of love" I forgot to add that last line in. And two of the characters are lesbians and it would have seemed OK except that the last line of the play is pretty much Robert walking in on them in his bedroom and he completely freaks out, goes back on the couch. It pretty much makes homosexuality a punchline, something I really didn't want to do, but couldn't think of a way to get Robert back on the couch.
That was my basic premise. It is odd. Some of my classmates enjoyed it but had trouble reading it because it was in the wrong format. This is how I had it
Robert: his lines.
When it should have been like this
Robert
His lines.
And the time frame was off. I had characters complaining about Robert being on his couch for six months.
Overall, the response was better than I thought it would be. And now I have everything I need for the rewrite. And one person got angry because some lines were seen as racist. For example, Mark says "We have a black President now." Robert says nothing. Then Mark says "That Pixies song is about dating a black dude, how funny is that?" Obviously, this guy has never listened to the Pixies. It's actually a funny song when you listen to the lyrics "Gigantic gigantic gigantic, our BIG BIG LOVE...What a big black mess, what a hunk of love" I forgot to add that last line in. And two of the characters are lesbians and it would have seemed OK except that the last line of the play is pretty much Robert walking in on them in his bedroom and he completely freaks out, goes back on the couch. It pretty much makes homosexuality a punchline, something I really didn't want to do, but couldn't think of a way to get Robert back on the couch.