A real update!
Well I highly doubt anyone at all reads this any more, but if per chance someone does, you're about to be treated (?) to a real update! In other words, not a link to another Guam update page, but a rare glimpse into the mind of Andy. I guess... lol
So what's on my mind these days? Well, besides looking all over Guam for the 2005 baseball "scouting notebook" to get data from to continue my silly project of hacking the old RBI baseball game? If you spent much time around this lj, you'd know what tends to be on my mind when I post here. But I know, you don't spend time here, so I'd better tell you! No, not wondering why I've played piano for church every week this month even though it's not "my" month to play. Not planning when I'm going to take diving classes, although hopefully that will be soon! Not even the fact that my legs are gonna be deathly sore tomorrow from running the 5k this morning (28:20 in my second 5k of the past two weeks... or of my life, whichever you prefer!) Nope, none of that. I'll give you a hint though, it's a 'her'.
Of course, Chrystal! She's been back from India for like a month now. (If you didn't know she had to come back from India early, then you don't talk to me enough. If you didn't know she ever went to India, you really don't talk to me enough. If you don't know who Chrystal is, you must be totally lost here.) As I mentioned here a while ago, we broke up, 'again', a few months ago, before she left for India. But we've still been talking all the time, especially since she's been back. Hardly a day passes that we don't talk at least once, either on the computer or on the phone, and our conversations are barely different from how they would be if we were 'dating'. She was really mad at me when we broke up, and pretty much went overboard trying to put me out of her life.. apparently she flirted with almost any guy who would give her attention... but a strange thing seemed to have happened - while she was in India, she realized that she was still in love with me. And that's really obvious now. She misses me just like you would miss your boyfriend if he were 8,000 miles away for another five months. She still loves me, and says so quite often. She's even jealous of a few of my other female friends that I talk to often. In short, in her mind I'm practically still her boyfriend. But how do I feel about all that? Well, to put it simply, I'm still in love with her, too. (Although it is still annoying that every other girl I talk to is to her automatically a girl I must be 'interested in'...) I guess you could say it's like we just can't get over each other. And that's good; I mean, it's always good to be loved, especially by an amazing girl like her, and it's a pretty good sign that when I get back home, we may start 'officially' dating again, which would definitely make me happy. The only thing is... what's going to prevent the same thing that kept happening before from messing up our relationship again? We aren't any more 'right for each other' now than we have been before, are we? It's so confusing; I love her so much more than anyone else, but yet I can look at some other friend and think, "man, she seems so much more right for me than Chrystal". But she loves me and I love her, which is more than can be said for any other girl who might seem more like my type. It wouldn't bother me so much getting back into a relationship with her if it wasn't that all along I've been saying that as long as we both love each other, it shouldn't matter if we're not exactly right for each other, but yet our experience up to now, and even her opinion, seem to say otherwise.
But I still do love her, and I miss her. And I'm still gonna call her later tonight when it'll be morning there. It'll all work out eventually, right? Right?? Well, regardless of whether you think so or not, you should leave me a comment! ;-)
"You never need to doubt it / I'll make you so sure about it..."