dreaming...
so i just woke myself up (kinda) from this really weird awesome dream experience.. im super tired and dont wanna be writing this... but i know i'll lose it if i dont. im so weirded out by my subconscious right now.
so i was in the dream... and i knew i was in it. at first it was like something i recognized from maybe dreaming before. i was flying.. well, actually I wasnt flying, whatever i was sitting on was. ive never had a dream where i could fly. anyway... so this chair was flying and knew i was dreaming because it was flying.... but like i think ive dreamt... weird, dreamt isnt a word? see now i keep doubting whether im really awake cause of little things like words i couldve sworn were real. oh i guess the autospell was just momentarily being weird... or maybe i imagined them being weird. eek! subconscious, are you a part of me or am i a part of you?? weeeeirded out
anyway... in the dream... the chair started doing flips and stuff and i was afraid id fall... i never do... but its that feeling that i will... that 'almost'. so i realized i was dreaming and was like "oh, what do i do about this?" and my mom was there all of a sudden so i started talking to her about it. of course, she started trying to help me and i was so very amazed. i said to her "wow, see... youre not real, you know that right, ive made you up in my head" and she was like "yes" and i replied "but youre STILL standing here helping me figure out what to do in this dream... and whether or not i should wake up.. eliminating you, my vision." i dont know if she replied... but she understood and was very sweet about it :-)
anyway... so i decided to wake myself.. and i went back and remembered all the tricks that are supposed to work. first i just tried to will it... and i thought it was working, so i got up and grogilly made my way to the door in my room to the rest of the apartment... but i couldnt shake the dream and it was all still in my head. i tried talking to get myself out of it... screaming for sydney and stuff, but i couldnt scream or even talk it all just came out a rasp. then i went back into my room and andy came in.. or was there or something... and i was SO RELIEVED! still obviously knowing i was dreaming i just wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, but like my mom, i kept talkign to him as if he was really there and himself... i kept asking him why, keeping my voice raspy because suddenly i didnt want to wake myself up, and was a little scared i might accidentally .. i dont know which 'why' i was asking him... but he knew... i guess thats why i didnt have to get specific... it was an all encompassing why and he gave me a silent answer. he kept kissing me and it was so terribly melancholy... but like i said, at that point i really appreciated the fact that i was dreaming so i could have this moment... i didnt want it to go away... i didnt want to wake up. but suddenly he was gone. first i got bummed and then frustrated... i couldnt wake myself up and whats the point of dreaming when things you want to happen randomly disappear. so, still in the calm melancholy space, i thought "ok... well what happens if i just lie down on my bed like in real life and close my eyes... cant really fall asleep in a dream... so i did, i laid down and kinda laughed at myself for being so... me. trying to fall asleep in a dream... who do i think i am? hahaha. i closed my eyes and when i opened them i thought maybe i was awake because i opened them because i heard a meow... and saw scarlet in my room. i thought to myself "i didnt leave my door open... did i?" she snuck under my blanket which was on the floor and (ok, SNUCK isnt a word now??).. and again, i realized that simple real life things like "moving" were difficult... so i thought.. ok this must be hard because im waking up... i'll THROW myself into the movement and itll wake me up completely! so i thrust forward, rolled myself off the bed... and onto the blanket that scarlet was under... i heard her meow. i thought "ok, im still not awake because im on top of my roommates cat and im pretty sure i closed the door in real life... i BETTER have closed my door and not be awake and not be squooshing my roommates cat!!" i wasnt awake. and scarlet (even in the dream) was fine.
so i got back on my bed, feeling like a bit of a failure, especially after many more opening your eyes and looking up as far as you can tricks that are supposed to work.. and just laid down again. (oh i forget where... but somewhere in the dream... i also went out into my apartment and started smashing random unimportant things. and at some point i also thought to myself "im finally getting some hard core sleep.. im obviously sleeping heavily enough to not be able to wake up... i OBVIOUSLY need this. but it was still frustrating. so i kept trying to wake myself up.) so... when i laid down, i heard a hairdryer sound coming from my fan. at this point the randomness of the dream was flat out annoying to me so i turned to my fan and said "WHAT?!?!?" and it stopped. so i was like "oh. cool. i can control things just by saying them? sweeeet." i said "i wanna hear some music" something started playing. i said "how about some 'owen'" and owen started playing instead... so i laid down on my bed again, thinking "ok, cool, i cant wake myself up? thts fine. i can hang out in my dream commanding things with my voice and listening to owen."
i woke up immediately.
so... subconscious... you win this weird twisted round... i hear you loud and clear-- "you wake up when I DECIDE you wake up.. you will have nothing to do with it! slavegirl body!"
im going back to sleep. i DO need it. i wonder if this entry will really be here when i wake up "again" :-D
so i was in the dream... and i knew i was in it. at first it was like something i recognized from maybe dreaming before. i was flying.. well, actually I wasnt flying, whatever i was sitting on was. ive never had a dream where i could fly. anyway... so this chair was flying and knew i was dreaming because it was flying.... but like i think ive dreamt... weird, dreamt isnt a word? see now i keep doubting whether im really awake cause of little things like words i couldve sworn were real. oh i guess the autospell was just momentarily being weird... or maybe i imagined them being weird. eek! subconscious, are you a part of me or am i a part of you?? weeeeirded out
anyway... in the dream... the chair started doing flips and stuff and i was afraid id fall... i never do... but its that feeling that i will... that 'almost'. so i realized i was dreaming and was like "oh, what do i do about this?" and my mom was there all of a sudden so i started talking to her about it. of course, she started trying to help me and i was so very amazed. i said to her "wow, see... youre not real, you know that right, ive made you up in my head" and she was like "yes" and i replied "but youre STILL standing here helping me figure out what to do in this dream... and whether or not i should wake up.. eliminating you, my vision." i dont know if she replied... but she understood and was very sweet about it :-)
anyway... so i decided to wake myself.. and i went back and remembered all the tricks that are supposed to work. first i just tried to will it... and i thought it was working, so i got up and grogilly made my way to the door in my room to the rest of the apartment... but i couldnt shake the dream and it was all still in my head. i tried talking to get myself out of it... screaming for sydney and stuff, but i couldnt scream or even talk it all just came out a rasp. then i went back into my room and andy came in.. or was there or something... and i was SO RELIEVED! still obviously knowing i was dreaming i just wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, but like my mom, i kept talkign to him as if he was really there and himself... i kept asking him why, keeping my voice raspy because suddenly i didnt want to wake myself up, and was a little scared i might accidentally .. i dont know which 'why' i was asking him... but he knew... i guess thats why i didnt have to get specific... it was an all encompassing why and he gave me a silent answer. he kept kissing me and it was so terribly melancholy... but like i said, at that point i really appreciated the fact that i was dreaming so i could have this moment... i didnt want it to go away... i didnt want to wake up. but suddenly he was gone. first i got bummed and then frustrated... i couldnt wake myself up and whats the point of dreaming when things you want to happen randomly disappear. so, still in the calm melancholy space, i thought "ok... well what happens if i just lie down on my bed like in real life and close my eyes... cant really fall asleep in a dream... so i did, i laid down and kinda laughed at myself for being so... me. trying to fall asleep in a dream... who do i think i am? hahaha. i closed my eyes and when i opened them i thought maybe i was awake because i opened them because i heard a meow... and saw scarlet in my room. i thought to myself "i didnt leave my door open... did i?" she snuck under my blanket which was on the floor and (ok, SNUCK isnt a word now??).. and again, i realized that simple real life things like "moving" were difficult... so i thought.. ok this must be hard because im waking up... i'll THROW myself into the movement and itll wake me up completely! so i thrust forward, rolled myself off the bed... and onto the blanket that scarlet was under... i heard her meow. i thought "ok, im still not awake because im on top of my roommates cat and im pretty sure i closed the door in real life... i BETTER have closed my door and not be awake and not be squooshing my roommates cat!!" i wasnt awake. and scarlet (even in the dream) was fine.
so i got back on my bed, feeling like a bit of a failure, especially after many more opening your eyes and looking up as far as you can tricks that are supposed to work.. and just laid down again. (oh i forget where... but somewhere in the dream... i also went out into my apartment and started smashing random unimportant things. and at some point i also thought to myself "im finally getting some hard core sleep.. im obviously sleeping heavily enough to not be able to wake up... i OBVIOUSLY need this. but it was still frustrating. so i kept trying to wake myself up.) so... when i laid down, i heard a hairdryer sound coming from my fan. at this point the randomness of the dream was flat out annoying to me so i turned to my fan and said "WHAT?!?!?" and it stopped. so i was like "oh. cool. i can control things just by saying them? sweeeet." i said "i wanna hear some music" something started playing. i said "how about some 'owen'" and owen started playing instead... so i laid down on my bed again, thinking "ok, cool, i cant wake myself up? thts fine. i can hang out in my dream commanding things with my voice and listening to owen."
i woke up immediately.
so... subconscious... you win this weird twisted round... i hear you loud and clear-- "you wake up when I DECIDE you wake up.. you will have nothing to do with it! slavegirl body!"
im going back to sleep. i DO need it. i wonder if this entry will really be here when i wake up "again" :-D