nerves
i'm performing my solo this weekend at the departmental concert friday and saturday. i have been sick with a stomach virus type thing and today is the first day i am eating something other than toast or rice and i am feeling better. i've barely gone to classes this week and have had it lurking in my mind about my performance. i'm thankful that i am finally feeling better because its about time to do it. i am freaked out, and have been doubting alot about myself. i guess that is normal when you are sharing your work with an audience. i am honored and thankful for this opportunity and i just want to be honest in my performance. my work was nominated and selected for american college dance festival in ohio, which i've been grateful for and excited about. not many people get this opportunity. i've never been to ohio and apparently athens has mountains which will be lovely to see. i am going to ohio university, so it will be refreshing to see new surroundings and meet new dancers and artists. i really still have not fully taken in what this means to people, it caused a lot of political uproar at my department because the process for submission works through people submitting works....well i never submitted anything cause i never thought about doing anything like that. my choreography professor pulled me aside in ballet and asked me to submit my work, she spoke highly of it and all that crap. then i was honored, shocked, and scared...because i knew it was after deadline and people would get pissed. well she told the other submissions that i was nominated by her to be in the pool for selection. i got selected....i have still been feeling weird but it has been a couple months since this happened....and now its time for me to show my work to the entire department and public- all eyes ready to see my "great" dance. it really is ironic to me- now attention is given because it has some kind of association with a higher honor, therefore expectation is set high. and i think expectation is never worth anything.
the process of working by your self, as dancer and choreographer can ultimately be a pain in the ass. you drive yourself crazy and im sick of watching videos of me dancing to try and choreograph. what i am ultimately showing in performance is a reaction to music....in the moment decisions of ways i feel like moving through the explored movement ideas that i have been working through for months. its play, its exploration, and it is who i am then at that moment in time and i love that so much more then showing a 5, 6, 7, 8 dance that has specific movements on each count for every count. i want to feel and communicate more than that to people that are in the same room as me. i want to move through inspiration from the music and just be myself, really be me in a performatnce setting, and ultimately do it for myself.
the process of working by your self, as dancer and choreographer can ultimately be a pain in the ass. you drive yourself crazy and im sick of watching videos of me dancing to try and choreograph. what i am ultimately showing in performance is a reaction to music....in the moment decisions of ways i feel like moving through the explored movement ideas that i have been working through for months. its play, its exploration, and it is who i am then at that moment in time and i love that so much more then showing a 5, 6, 7, 8 dance that has specific movements on each count for every count. i want to feel and communicate more than that to people that are in the same room as me. i want to move through inspiration from the music and just be myself, really be me in a performatnce setting, and ultimately do it for myself.