PICSPAM: 5x01 Dying Changes Everything
5x01 - DYING CHANGES EVERYTHING
Writer: Eli Attie
Director: Deran Sarafian
Original Airdate: Sept. 16, 2008
Eight weeks after the death of his girlfriend, Amber, Wilson is still mourning her death, and his relationship with his best friend House is shattered. Cuddy attempts to salvage the irreparable rift between House and Wilson.
I. Gotta remember to close the blinds
[Cuddy walks into Coma Guy’s room and sees House playing video games]
Cuddy: Wilson’s back. You gonna say- My show is back! And so are these confusing feelings pertaining to my sexuality!
House: He’s been gone two months. He can wait ‘til I finish slaying a guy in a skullcap and a pair of tights. But can I just take this moment to mention how annoyed I was that they skipped ahead 2 months? Especially when they said they'd be picking up right where the finale left off? 2 MONTHS LATER =/= RIGHT AFTER!
Cuddy: On a video game you stole from the pediatric ward?
House: On advice of counsel, I assert my privilege pursuant to the fifth. Oh, our ship! With all its cutesy legal jargon foreplay! "Perjurer!"/"I plead the fifth!"
[Cuddy unplugs the game.]
Cuddy: When was the last time you talked to him?
House: Uhh, I think it was after… when did his girlfriend die?
House: He wanted time alone. I considered being a horrendous pain in the ass, but I didn’t want to tread on your turf.
[Foreman walks by, looking for House. And is as disappointed as the rest of us that House and Cuddy really are "just talking."]
Foreman: We got a case.
House: I gotta remember to close the blinds. I just want to point out that Cuddy's got some bitchin' shades in her office. Just for future reference I hope.
Foreman: Just got a call from Patty Michener, from Women’s Majority, the women’s rights-
Cuddy: We know who she is.
House: I dated her. Well, not really dated her; more metaphorically raped her by having a penis. [To Foreman] You did, too.
Foreman: Her assistant flipped out. Ripped off her clothes in front of a room full of businessmen.
House: Well either she cracked under the whip, or she started to realize that her evolutionary purpose is to arouse men, not to castrate them. Send her to psychiatric.
Foreman: Anemia, bradycardia, and abdominal pain aren’t psychiatric symptoms.
House: Then it’s the latter. Send her to my apartment.
[House reaches for the case file but Cuddy swipes it first.]
Cuddy: I’ll give it to Segal.
Foreman: House actually wants a case and you’re saying no?
Cuddy: House has more important things to do. I'm sorry, this one's just too easy. And even House's mind went right to Cuddy's genitals.
House: Sorry, can’t help you. You need a specialist to remove those kind of warts. I didn't say it was in the most romantic of contexts!
House: Preferably one with experience spelunking. You may start to notice that I cheat when it comes to picspamming. Sure, two caps per line is a reasonable guideline, but then the eyesex comes in. Before you know it, I'm splitting up every single sentence and abolishing the two cap rule, replacing it instead with the kindly even-numbered 4 caps/line rule. I cannot be stopped!
[House takes the file and leaves with Foreman. Cuddy spots House’s makeshift cup holder and takes his cup out of Coma Guy’s hand.]
- - - - - - - - - -
II. Find some meaning
[House walks into Cuddy’s office as she’s hanging up the phone.]
House: You have to stop Wilson from committing career malpractice.
Cuddy: Talk to him.
House: Already talked to him twice. He threw me out.
Cuddy: Mocking him and insulting him - let’s see. Yes, technically those are categories of conversation. I'm with Kinsey. It's so totally a continuum. Very fluid. Very much so. And damn the man! We've got legs! 4 caps, 4 caps!
House: Block his references to other hospitals. Tell him he can’t hand off his cases until-
Cuddy: Talk to him.
Cuddy: Deal with his grief. Talk to him about what he’s going through. I know, I'm shameless. And when our episode comes -- you know, THE ONE -- you can rest assured I (or ellixian) will be splitting up every. grunted. syllable.
House: That’s a brilliant idea. I’ll take him out for a beer. That’ll make up for the fact that Amber’s in a pine box. That there’s randomness and chaos in the universe. Yes, I do feel terrible, musing on genital warts and how gay I am for Cuddy, amidst this Real Serious Stuff. But House is my role model, and when he deflects, I, too, deflect. Because, you know, like repression, deflection is gaining quite a bit of support in the psych literature these days.
Cuddy: Tell him you’re sorry.
House: I didn’t kill her.
Cuddy: You were drunk, and-
House: Yeah. If her daddy hadn’t been drunk, she might never have been born, so.
Cuddy: You called her up in the middle of the night. She was on the bus because of you.
House: I didn’t ask her to come out. I wasn’t driving the bus. I wasn’t driving the garbage truck that hit the bus. And I did not prescribe her the flu meds that killed her.
Cuddy: Yes, I know, that’s all true, but…
[Cuddy pauses, House shifts around. Hugh Fucking Laurie, way to be amazing.]
Cuddy: You really don’t feel any sense of guilt? Is that a bit of envy I detect, amidst confusion, in Lisa "Guilt Factory" Cuddy? I think so.
[Cuddy sighs, exchanges glances with House]
Cuddy: You want to keep him, he needs to know he’s not alone. Just, tell him you feel like crap.
House: It’d be meaningless.
Cuddy: Well, then, find some meaning. And do something.
[House leaves, Cuddy watches]
- - - - - - - - - -
III. Cuddy demonstrates her confidence-inspiring abilities
[Cuddy’s in House’s office with Foreman, Kutner, Taub, and Thirteen]
Cuddy: Status. We decided that Lisas Cuddy and Edelstein have so thoroughly stolen our heterosexuality, that Cuddy scenes -- independent of House -- will also be represented in these picspams.
Foreman: Her heart’s stabilized. We have a pacing wire in her, but the bradycardia is not getting any better.
Kutner: House is bluffing.
Taub: I called him three times. He’s not picking up. [to Cuddy] What do you want us to do?
Cuddy: The same thing you’d do if he was here.
Taub: If he was here we’d be asking him what to do. ILU Taub! But, someone, please. Go get Chase and Cameron or something.
Cuddy: What are the usual suspects?
Foreman: There aren’t any. She had a vitamin deficiency and we corrected it, an ectopic pregnancy, we removed it.
Kutner: But her heart problem won’t go away, and now something’s wrong with her brain.
Cuddy: [unconvincingly] I have complete confidence in you guys. [She leaves. The team continues with the DDX. The audience is all, LOLZ XD]
- - - - - - - - - -
IV. Mind if I come in?
[House’s Apartment: Cuddy knocks on the door, House answers.]
Cuddy: Mind if I come in? I think I had this dream once...
House: Not at all. You mind if I leave? Except this part didn't happen in mine.
[Cuddy crosses her arms and remains in the doorway.]
Cuddy: I told you not to take that case specifically so you could deal with Wilson.
House: And the two ended up dovetailing rather nicely, don’t you think? I'm sorry, I lost my thought looking at that second cap.
Cuddy: Is this how you show your friendship? By bludgeoning him with guilt? It's how he shows his loooove, too, Cuddy. Love is dropping your pants and guilting the one you love into injecting morphine into your spine. And never having to say you're sorry for swapping it with a placebo.
House: Because he’s my friend, I know what works on him.
Cuddy: Well, I can’t let you walk away from a patient.
House: Then fire me.
Cuddy: You’re willing to risk your career, but you’re not willing to say you’re sorry.
House: I told him I’m sorry. He didn’t believe it.
Cuddy: Well, make him believe it.
House: I don’t believe it.
Cuddy: [Anger in her tone building by the second] You don’t wanna believe it! Because if you tell Wilson how you actually feel, about him, about what happened to Amber, about your part in what happened, and he walks out the door anyway… WARNING: SHAMELESSNESS APPROACHING DANGEROUS LEVELS!
Cuddy: If you make yourself vulnerable for once in your nerve-deadening, emotionally obliterating-
[House slams the door shut, Cuddy continues through the door.]
Cuddy: (off-screen) You’re doing the same thing he is. You’re running away. Only he’s not killing anyone in the process.
- - - - - - - - - -
V. Cuddy gets off on being withholding
[Cuddy’s Office: House storms in as Cuddy’s on her couch reading a magazine. By the way, Pole To Pole? Got my dirty OT3 wheels turning.]
House: You had my cable disconnected! OMG! House, the fangirls are on your side and we feel your pain! Here are your options: You can stream missed episodes on the network's website; you can figure out torrents; you can YouTube; you can read transcripts with offbeat and sometimes disturbing commentary dispersed throughout...
Cuddy: Well, that’s quite a leap. [Nonchalantly] Just because I happen to have a 31-person maintenance department - Pathetic! Hyphenated breaks between clauses? Have I no shame??
Cuddy: Each of whom you’ve personally abused at some point-
House: Why? [Cuddy smiles]
Cuddy: Did you think I’m okay with letting someone die, but I’m gonna fold if I can’t watch Celebrity Bowling? I'm starting the rumor that House totally Tivos Celebrity Bowling to watch with Chase on Guys Night In
Cuddy: That is not an unreasonable theory.
Cuddy: Especially with only 10 minutes ‘til your favorite soap.
[Cuddy “finds” the remote control.]
Cuddy: Oh, gee, is this the remote from the doctors’ lounge?
[House moves closer and tries to grab the remote, Cuddy pulls it away.]
Cuddy: Ehh-
[Wilson enters Cuddy’s office - the trap has worked! But continue the mental movie in which House wrestles the remote from Cuddy. Shorter episode, but double your pleasure. Triple if Wilson comes in, forgets everything, and joins in on the fun!]
Wilson: This is your 911? Goodbye. [Turns to leave.]
Cuddy: Stop. [He does. Because dominant!Cuddy fics exist FOR A REASON.]
(And this cap is here just for my OT3-loving amusement.
Cuddy: I’m withholding your salary history from every hospital in the tri-state area.
House: You go, girl.
Cuddy: [turns to House] And I’m permanently setting every TV in this building to the pottery channel unless you both sit down. You know you have a problem when your mind immediately leaps to Ghost fantasies.
[Cuddy sits. House and Wilson exchange glares, neither budges.]
Cuddy: Welcome to couples counseling.
- - - - - - - - - -
VI. Couples counseling
[House and Wilson are both sitting on Cuddy’s couch now, staring straight ahead.]
House: [to Cuddy] So what do you want to tell us?
Cuddy: Nothing. Nothing I say is gonna change anything. You guys need to talk.
House: Actually, you should just read the psych literature. Repression’s gaining a lot of fans. What you don’t face can’t crush you.
Cuddy: Talk to each other.
House: [sighs, turns to Wilson] How you doing? Good?
Wilson: Fine, thanks.
[They both begin to get up and leave.]
Cuddy: EH, EH, EHH, EHH.
Cuddy: SIT.
[They look at Cuddy, then both sit back down.]
Cuddy: See, the two of you are friends. Look how you both-
House: Think you’re an idiot.
House: We both also eat with forks. That doesn’t really prove-
Cuddy: Talk to him! Tell him how you feel about what he’s doing. (I've just checked back in from the Ghost fantasy part -- am I actually in a smutty OT3 fic right now?)
House: I told him he’s an idiot.
Cuddy: Tell him what you think about him leaving.
House: I think he’s an idiot.
Cuddy: [frustrated] You’re an idiot, he’s in pain. And your response is to just emotionally blackmail him.
House: You told me what your position is on that one. You’re against it, right? (Fic?)
Wilson: She hasn’t told you in front of me.
[Uh oh. Cuddy’s annoyed]
Wilson: [to House] She needs to prove she’s on my side.
Cuddy: Go to hell. AND I LOVE CUDDY FOR THIS. It might not have been the best timing, but Wilson really does need to be told to go to hell once in awhile. I love him, but the self-righteousness gets old. ...But I AM really sorry your girlfriend is dead, Wilson.
House: So much for that theory.
Cuddy: [to Wilson] I’m sorry you lost Amber. I cannot imagine what it is you’re going through.
[Wilson starts to leave.]
Cuddy: But it will not get better by you walking away from everyone that cares about you.
[Wilson stops at the door, his back to Cuddy and House.]
Cuddy: Do you think Amber would want you to walk away? Oh, Cuddy. You really did have me up to the point you played this card. Actually, you so completely have me anyway. Oh well, it was a solid effort in defiance.
Wilson: Nobody at this hospital even liked Amber.
[He stops to aim a pointed glare in House’s direction, then leaves. House gets up, stops as he’s walking by Cuddy]
House: Same time next week?
- - - - - - - - - -
VII. How many times do I have to use the word ‘idiot’?
[Cuddy’s at the nurses’ station looking at a chart.]
House: (off-screen) It’s almost four. [Cuddy looks up.] Soap time.
[House reaches down behind the desk (startling Cuddy) and grabs the remote. Although Cuddy's gasp suggests that was not the remote. I rank this moment up there with the WTF?FLYZIP in the finale.]
House: Nurses’ remote. Works in the in the doctors’ lounge. [He turns to walk away.]
Cuddy: Why do you think Wilson’s leaving?
House: How many times do I have to use the word “idiot?”
Cuddy: And that’s a good enough answer for you?
Cuddy: Whenever anyone does anything out of the norm, you have to tell them what screwed-up process is really at work in their head.
Cuddy: That is why I locked the two of you in a room; so you would say something stupid and insensitive and maybe with a little bit of truth.
Cuddy: But, you didn’t. So I can only assume that you don’t want to know the reason.
Cuddy: You’re afraid to know.
[House has been staring off into the POTW’s room. Cuddy realizes this and deadpans--]
Cuddy: You’re not listening to me, are you? He's listening, Cuddy. Because you're actually pretty awesome in this episode, particularly regarding your understanding of House. It's just that... I don't know how to tell you this... The truth is, this is only the first episode of the season, and House and Wilson have to remain on the outs for a few more episodes, at least. It's nothing YOU did; it's just that we rabid fans have been complaining about the lack of follow-through with finale-planted-plots, and if TPTB don't give us some drama, the most rabid among us might just hurt someone. And nobody wants things to get violent. I guess what I'm saying is... it's not YOU, it's everyone else. ♥
House: Try it sometime. You’ll see why.
[He leaves the remote with Cuddy and heads to the patient’s room.]
Writer: Eli Attie
Director: Deran Sarafian
Original Airdate: Sept. 16, 2008
Eight weeks after the death of his girlfriend, Amber, Wilson is still mourning her death, and his relationship with his best friend House is shattered. Cuddy attempts to salvage the irreparable rift between House and Wilson.
I. Gotta remember to close the blinds
[Cuddy walks into Coma Guy’s room and sees House playing video games]
Cuddy: Wilson’s back. You gonna say- My show is back! And so are these confusing feelings pertaining to my sexuality!
House: He’s been gone two months. He can wait ‘til I finish slaying a guy in a skullcap and a pair of tights. But can I just take this moment to mention how annoyed I was that they skipped ahead 2 months? Especially when they said they'd be picking up right where the finale left off? 2 MONTHS LATER =/= RIGHT AFTER!
Cuddy: On a video game you stole from the pediatric ward?
House: On advice of counsel, I assert my privilege pursuant to the fifth. Oh, our ship! With all its cutesy legal jargon foreplay! "Perjurer!"/"I plead the fifth!"
[Cuddy unplugs the game.]
Cuddy: When was the last time you talked to him?
House: Uhh, I think it was after… when did his girlfriend die?
House: He wanted time alone. I considered being a horrendous pain in the ass, but I didn’t want to tread on your turf.
[Foreman walks by, looking for House. And is as disappointed as the rest of us that House and Cuddy really are "just talking."]
Foreman: We got a case.
House: I gotta remember to close the blinds. I just want to point out that Cuddy's got some bitchin' shades in her office. Just for future reference I hope.
Foreman: Just got a call from Patty Michener, from Women’s Majority, the women’s rights-
Cuddy: We know who she is.
House: I dated her. Well, not really dated her; more metaphorically raped her by having a penis. [To Foreman] You did, too.
Foreman: Her assistant flipped out. Ripped off her clothes in front of a room full of businessmen.
House: Well either she cracked under the whip, or she started to realize that her evolutionary purpose is to arouse men, not to castrate them. Send her to psychiatric.
Foreman: Anemia, bradycardia, and abdominal pain aren’t psychiatric symptoms.
House: Then it’s the latter. Send her to my apartment.
[House reaches for the case file but Cuddy swipes it first.]
Cuddy: I’ll give it to Segal.
Foreman: House actually wants a case and you’re saying no?
Cuddy: House has more important things to do. I'm sorry, this one's just too easy. And even House's mind went right to Cuddy's genitals.
House: Sorry, can’t help you. You need a specialist to remove those kind of warts. I didn't say it was in the most romantic of contexts!
House: Preferably one with experience spelunking. You may start to notice that I cheat when it comes to picspamming. Sure, two caps per line is a reasonable guideline, but then the eyesex comes in. Before you know it, I'm splitting up every single sentence and abolishing the two cap rule, replacing it instead with the kindly even-numbered 4 caps/line rule. I cannot be stopped!
[House takes the file and leaves with Foreman. Cuddy spots House’s makeshift cup holder and takes his cup out of Coma Guy’s hand.]
- - - - - - - - - -
II. Find some meaning
[House walks into Cuddy’s office as she’s hanging up the phone.]
House: You have to stop Wilson from committing career malpractice.
Cuddy: Talk to him.
House: Already talked to him twice. He threw me out.
Cuddy: Mocking him and insulting him - let’s see. Yes, technically those are categories of conversation. I'm with Kinsey. It's so totally a continuum. Very fluid. Very much so. And damn the man! We've got legs! 4 caps, 4 caps!
House: Block his references to other hospitals. Tell him he can’t hand off his cases until-
Cuddy: Talk to him.
Cuddy: Deal with his grief. Talk to him about what he’s going through. I know, I'm shameless. And when our episode comes -- you know, THE ONE -- you can rest assured I (or ellixian) will be splitting up every. grunted. syllable.
House: That’s a brilliant idea. I’ll take him out for a beer. That’ll make up for the fact that Amber’s in a pine box. That there’s randomness and chaos in the universe. Yes, I do feel terrible, musing on genital warts and how gay I am for Cuddy, amidst this Real Serious Stuff. But House is my role model, and when he deflects, I, too, deflect. Because, you know, like repression, deflection is gaining quite a bit of support in the psych literature these days.
Cuddy: Tell him you’re sorry.
House: I didn’t kill her.
Cuddy: You were drunk, and-
House: Yeah. If her daddy hadn’t been drunk, she might never have been born, so.
Cuddy: You called her up in the middle of the night. She was on the bus because of you.
House: I didn’t ask her to come out. I wasn’t driving the bus. I wasn’t driving the garbage truck that hit the bus. And I did not prescribe her the flu meds that killed her.
Cuddy: Yes, I know, that’s all true, but…
[Cuddy pauses, House shifts around. Hugh Fucking Laurie, way to be amazing.]
Cuddy: You really don’t feel any sense of guilt? Is that a bit of envy I detect, amidst confusion, in Lisa "Guilt Factory" Cuddy? I think so.
[Cuddy sighs, exchanges glances with House]
Cuddy: You want to keep him, he needs to know he’s not alone. Just, tell him you feel like crap.
House: It’d be meaningless.
Cuddy: Well, then, find some meaning. And do something.
[House leaves, Cuddy watches]
- - - - - - - - - -
III. Cuddy demonstrates her confidence-inspiring abilities
[Cuddy’s in House’s office with Foreman, Kutner, Taub, and Thirteen]
Cuddy: Status. We decided that Lisas Cuddy and Edelstein have so thoroughly stolen our heterosexuality, that Cuddy scenes -- independent of House -- will also be represented in these picspams.
Foreman: Her heart’s stabilized. We have a pacing wire in her, but the bradycardia is not getting any better.
Kutner: House is bluffing.
Taub: I called him three times. He’s not picking up. [to Cuddy] What do you want us to do?
Cuddy: The same thing you’d do if he was here.
Taub: If he was here we’d be asking him what to do. ILU Taub! But, someone, please. Go get Chase and Cameron or something.
Cuddy: What are the usual suspects?
Foreman: There aren’t any. She had a vitamin deficiency and we corrected it, an ectopic pregnancy, we removed it.
Kutner: But her heart problem won’t go away, and now something’s wrong with her brain.
Cuddy: [unconvincingly] I have complete confidence in you guys. [She leaves. The team continues with the DDX. The audience is all, LOLZ XD]
- - - - - - - - - -
IV. Mind if I come in?
[House’s Apartment: Cuddy knocks on the door, House answers.]
Cuddy: Mind if I come in? I think I had this dream once...
House: Not at all. You mind if I leave? Except this part didn't happen in mine.
[Cuddy crosses her arms and remains in the doorway.]
Cuddy: I told you not to take that case specifically so you could deal with Wilson.
House: And the two ended up dovetailing rather nicely, don’t you think? I'm sorry, I lost my thought looking at that second cap.
Cuddy: Is this how you show your friendship? By bludgeoning him with guilt? It's how he shows his loooove, too, Cuddy. Love is dropping your pants and guilting the one you love into injecting morphine into your spine. And never having to say you're sorry for swapping it with a placebo.
House: Because he’s my friend, I know what works on him.
Cuddy: Well, I can’t let you walk away from a patient.
House: Then fire me.
Cuddy: You’re willing to risk your career, but you’re not willing to say you’re sorry.
House: I told him I’m sorry. He didn’t believe it.
Cuddy: Well, make him believe it.
House: I don’t believe it.
Cuddy: [Anger in her tone building by the second] You don’t wanna believe it! Because if you tell Wilson how you actually feel, about him, about what happened to Amber, about your part in what happened, and he walks out the door anyway… WARNING: SHAMELESSNESS APPROACHING DANGEROUS LEVELS!
Cuddy: If you make yourself vulnerable for once in your nerve-deadening, emotionally obliterating-
[House slams the door shut, Cuddy continues through the door.]
Cuddy: (off-screen) You’re doing the same thing he is. You’re running away. Only he’s not killing anyone in the process.
- - - - - - - - - -
V. Cuddy gets off on being withholding
[Cuddy’s Office: House storms in as Cuddy’s on her couch reading a magazine. By the way, Pole To Pole? Got my dirty OT3 wheels turning.]
House: You had my cable disconnected! OMG! House, the fangirls are on your side and we feel your pain! Here are your options: You can stream missed episodes on the network's website; you can figure out torrents; you can YouTube; you can read transcripts with offbeat and sometimes disturbing commentary dispersed throughout...
Cuddy: Well, that’s quite a leap. [Nonchalantly] Just because I happen to have a 31-person maintenance department - Pathetic! Hyphenated breaks between clauses? Have I no shame??
Cuddy: Each of whom you’ve personally abused at some point-
House: Why? [Cuddy smiles]
Cuddy: Did you think I’m okay with letting someone die, but I’m gonna fold if I can’t watch Celebrity Bowling? I'm starting the rumor that House totally Tivos Celebrity Bowling to watch with Chase on Guys Night In
Cuddy: That is not an unreasonable theory.
Cuddy: Especially with only 10 minutes ‘til your favorite soap.
[Cuddy “finds” the remote control.]
Cuddy: Oh, gee, is this the remote from the doctors’ lounge?
[House moves closer and tries to grab the remote, Cuddy pulls it away.]
Cuddy: Ehh-
[Wilson enters Cuddy’s office - the trap has worked! But continue the mental movie in which House wrestles the remote from Cuddy. Shorter episode, but double your pleasure. Triple if Wilson comes in, forgets everything, and joins in on the fun!]
Wilson: This is your 911? Goodbye. [Turns to leave.]
Cuddy: Stop. [He does. Because dominant!Cuddy fics exist FOR A REASON.]
(And this cap is here just for my OT3-loving amusement.
Cuddy: I’m withholding your salary history from every hospital in the tri-state area.
House: You go, girl.
Cuddy: [turns to House] And I’m permanently setting every TV in this building to the pottery channel unless you both sit down. You know you have a problem when your mind immediately leaps to Ghost fantasies.
[Cuddy sits. House and Wilson exchange glares, neither budges.]
Cuddy: Welcome to couples counseling.
- - - - - - - - - -
VI. Couples counseling
[House and Wilson are both sitting on Cuddy’s couch now, staring straight ahead.]
House: [to Cuddy] So what do you want to tell us?
Cuddy: Nothing. Nothing I say is gonna change anything. You guys need to talk.
House: Actually, you should just read the psych literature. Repression’s gaining a lot of fans. What you don’t face can’t crush you.
Cuddy: Talk to each other.
House: [sighs, turns to Wilson] How you doing? Good?
Wilson: Fine, thanks.
[They both begin to get up and leave.]
Cuddy: EH, EH, EHH, EHH.
Cuddy: SIT.
[They look at Cuddy, then both sit back down.]
Cuddy: See, the two of you are friends. Look how you both-
House: Think you’re an idiot.
House: We both also eat with forks. That doesn’t really prove-
Cuddy: Talk to him! Tell him how you feel about what he’s doing. (I've just checked back in from the Ghost fantasy part -- am I actually in a smutty OT3 fic right now?)
House: I told him he’s an idiot.
Cuddy: Tell him what you think about him leaving.
House: I think he’s an idiot.
Cuddy: [frustrated] You’re an idiot, he’s in pain. And your response is to just emotionally blackmail him.
House: You told me what your position is on that one. You’re against it, right? (Fic?)
Wilson: She hasn’t told you in front of me.
[Uh oh. Cuddy’s annoyed]
Wilson: [to House] She needs to prove she’s on my side.
Cuddy: Go to hell. AND I LOVE CUDDY FOR THIS. It might not have been the best timing, but Wilson really does need to be told to go to hell once in awhile. I love him, but the self-righteousness gets old. ...But I AM really sorry your girlfriend is dead, Wilson.
House: So much for that theory.
Cuddy: [to Wilson] I’m sorry you lost Amber. I cannot imagine what it is you’re going through.
[Wilson starts to leave.]
Cuddy: But it will not get better by you walking away from everyone that cares about you.
[Wilson stops at the door, his back to Cuddy and House.]
Cuddy: Do you think Amber would want you to walk away? Oh, Cuddy. You really did have me up to the point you played this card. Actually, you so completely have me anyway. Oh well, it was a solid effort in defiance.
Wilson: Nobody at this hospital even liked Amber.
[He stops to aim a pointed glare in House’s direction, then leaves. House gets up, stops as he’s walking by Cuddy]
House: Same time next week?
- - - - - - - - - -
VII. How many times do I have to use the word ‘idiot’?
[Cuddy’s at the nurses’ station looking at a chart.]
House: (off-screen) It’s almost four. [Cuddy looks up.] Soap time.
[House reaches down behind the desk (startling Cuddy) and grabs the remote. Although Cuddy's gasp suggests that was not the remote. I rank this moment up there with the WTF?FLYZIP in the finale.]
House: Nurses’ remote. Works in the in the doctors’ lounge. [He turns to walk away.]
Cuddy: Why do you think Wilson’s leaving?
House: How many times do I have to use the word “idiot?”
Cuddy: And that’s a good enough answer for you?
Cuddy: Whenever anyone does anything out of the norm, you have to tell them what screwed-up process is really at work in their head.
Cuddy: That is why I locked the two of you in a room; so you would say something stupid and insensitive and maybe with a little bit of truth.
Cuddy: But, you didn’t. So I can only assume that you don’t want to know the reason.
Cuddy: You’re afraid to know.
[House has been staring off into the POTW’s room. Cuddy realizes this and deadpans--]
Cuddy: You’re not listening to me, are you? He's listening, Cuddy. Because you're actually pretty awesome in this episode, particularly regarding your understanding of House. It's just that... I don't know how to tell you this... The truth is, this is only the first episode of the season, and House and Wilson have to remain on the outs for a few more episodes, at least. It's nothing YOU did; it's just that we rabid fans have been complaining about the lack of follow-through with finale-planted-plots, and if TPTB don't give us some drama, the most rabid among us might just hurt someone. And nobody wants things to get violent. I guess what I'm saying is... it's not YOU, it's everyone else. ♥
House: Try it sometime. You’ll see why.
[He leaves the remote with Cuddy and heads to the patient’s room.]