5x04 - BIRTHMARKS
Writers: David Foster & Doris Egan
Director: David Platt
Original Airdate: Oct. 14, 2008
While en route to his father's funeral, House must help the team with a differential diagnosis on a young Chinese girl who has collapsed under mysterious circumstances.
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I. The Reverse "Who's Your Daddy"
[Cuddy enters House's office]
Cuddy: Sorry about your father.
House: I'm not. Are we done emoting now?
Cuddy: If there's anything I can do, just--
House: You know, you're right. I don't think I can sleep alone tonight.
[Cuddy pulls a syringe out of her labcoat and walks toward House.]
House: You can tell me that's liquid vicodin.
Cuddy: We're giving Ig shots to everyone who came in in contact with your patient. Shockingly, none of the nurses volunteered to administer yours.
[House starts to roll up his shirt sleeve]
Cuddy: Goes better in a large muscle. Drop your pants.
House: You know, I usually pay tens of dollars to hear that.
[House unzips his pants and leans on his desk. Cuddy smiles, yanks his pants down a bit, and gives him the shot.]
Cuddy: Funeral's tomorrow.
House: [turns back towards Cuddy] My mom called you?
Cuddy: There is a 3:40 flight out of Newark. If you leave now, you can be in Lexington tonight. [Cuddy sighs] Your mother wants you to deliver a eulogy.
House: "Eulogy," from the Greek for "good word." Now, if she asked me to deliver a bastardogy, I'd be happy to--
Cuddy: Then be a grown-up. Call your mother back, and tell her that you're sick with grief, but you're too busy to be there.
House: She knows when I'm lying.
Cuddy: Then start writing. [Cuddy leaves]
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I.5. Wait for it...
[House's office: House stands up, stumbles and collapses on the floor.]
[CUT: We see House in a car, opening his eyes, disoriented. He turns to his left and sees Wilson driving.]
Wilson: I am not doing this because I care. [House smiles]
[CUT: House and Wilson are on the road.]
House: Cuddy drugged me. [House starts to put the pieces together.]