*Disclaimer
I took Jessica out for "a drink" tonight in celebration of her passing her occupational therapy licensing exam and it struck me how glad I am to have her back in my life after all these years. And then it struck me how almost all the closest women in my life right now are women from my childhood. I think it says something about the purity of friendships formed in early years. Before you care about boys, before you know what you want to be when you grow up, before there is any sense of competition to see who will get married first, have a baby first, get divorced first. Before the bullshit of life comes up and bites us all in our collective ass.
Jessica and I were really good friends our senior year of high school. Obviously we cared about boys by then, thought we knew what we wanted to be when we grew up and were slightly competitive, but comparatively to now it was nothing. And I'm really happy she's my friend again after all these years. I'm even a little surprised how easily we slid back into our friendship. You wouldn't think after 12 years it would be so easy, but it was. Looking back, neither of us can even figure out why we lost touch. Certainly there was no "Church!Sarah went crazy and ostracized all her friends" moment like there was between the K's and I. It was just a fizzle, I guess.
Anyway, we've taken very different paths in our lives and have ended up in almost the same exact spot. Isn't that so funny? She even has the same boy pattern I do... as soon as she starts to care they drop her like a hot potato, too.
So it occurred to me how precious in life friends are. Friends who you can rely on. Friends who love you, no matter what. Friends who tell you the truth about yourself. Friends who stick up for you, protect you, forgive you, and love you. These are the types of people I want in my life. If the last year has taught me anything, it has taught me not to waste time or energy on people who aren't worth it. I didn't spend enough time or energy on my mom, and now she's gone. I'll never have the opportunity to fix any of the stuff I messed up, I'll never be able to ask her to forgive me, or tell her that I love her (now, then and always). I wonder, what time did I waste on other people when I could have spent it with her? And the time I spent with her, how much of it was I resentful of, wishing I was spending it with someone else. Was that person worth it? Worth precious moments with my mom, never again to return? Probably not.
Life is fleeting. Love is slippery. I've seen both slide through my fingers. I don't want that to happen anymore. I desire to live a purposeful life, where I set my mind to appreciate the people who contribute to me, and I to them. A life where I set my mind to becoming the person my mom always saw me as; the person I rarely was while she was alive. It's a tall order, I know. But wherever she might be, whatever the afterlife holds for us (if anything), I want her to be proud of me.
*one bottle of wine, excuse the sentimentality.
Jessica and I were really good friends our senior year of high school. Obviously we cared about boys by then, thought we knew what we wanted to be when we grew up and were slightly competitive, but comparatively to now it was nothing. And I'm really happy she's my friend again after all these years. I'm even a little surprised how easily we slid back into our friendship. You wouldn't think after 12 years it would be so easy, but it was. Looking back, neither of us can even figure out why we lost touch. Certainly there was no "Church!Sarah went crazy and ostracized all her friends" moment like there was between the K's and I. It was just a fizzle, I guess.
Anyway, we've taken very different paths in our lives and have ended up in almost the same exact spot. Isn't that so funny? She even has the same boy pattern I do... as soon as she starts to care they drop her like a hot potato, too.
So it occurred to me how precious in life friends are. Friends who you can rely on. Friends who love you, no matter what. Friends who tell you the truth about yourself. Friends who stick up for you, protect you, forgive you, and love you. These are the types of people I want in my life. If the last year has taught me anything, it has taught me not to waste time or energy on people who aren't worth it. I didn't spend enough time or energy on my mom, and now she's gone. I'll never have the opportunity to fix any of the stuff I messed up, I'll never be able to ask her to forgive me, or tell her that I love her (now, then and always). I wonder, what time did I waste on other people when I could have spent it with her? And the time I spent with her, how much of it was I resentful of, wishing I was spending it with someone else. Was that person worth it? Worth precious moments with my mom, never again to return? Probably not.
Life is fleeting. Love is slippery. I've seen both slide through my fingers. I don't want that to happen anymore. I desire to live a purposeful life, where I set my mind to appreciate the people who contribute to me, and I to them. A life where I set my mind to becoming the person my mom always saw me as; the person I rarely was while she was alive. It's a tall order, I know. But wherever she might be, whatever the afterlife holds for us (if anything), I want her to be proud of me.
*one bottle of wine, excuse the sentimentality.