christmas songs suck...
so i decided that they started playing christmas songs way too early this year...that's what that's all about...anyway, the rest of this is going to have absolutely nothing to do with that first statement...so what i've decided is that people need to learn how to keep their fucking mouths shut...especially since i personally know a lot about a lot of different people that could get them in some serious trouble...if you expect someone to keep your secrets, then you best be prepared to keep theirs...or at least don't make shit up...that's just stupid...and all it does is make you look like an untrustworthy ass...seriously...focus on your life and once that's perfect you can start commenting on mine and discussing whatever you want to about me...i'm sick and tired of thinking that people are capable of being adults and acting in a mature manner and then discovering that they are in fact still children...people, we're all (for the most part) 20 and older...let's act like it...anyway, on to bigger and better things...kind of...so this past week i went down to brown county with miss amanda cuz she had an appointment with joanie...and after amanda's little chat with her, joanie asked me how i was doing and if i was seeing anyone...now we all know that the answer to that is, of course, no...joanie asked me if i was dissatisfied with this and i replied, "Yes." because, let's face it, i am...and she seemed surprised...i'll be honest though, i think i surprised myself as well...because i really am happy...it's not as if i'm desparately seeking someone or my life is incomplete without another person in my life...however, it still kind of sucks that after all this time i'm still all by my lonesome...you would think that by this point in my life i would have some experience with all that business, but no...now i'm not real sure what this means...does that mean that i'm so utterly repulsive that no guy wants anything to do with me? does it mean that i'm meant to be alone forever? does it mean that when i do meet someone it will be the greatest thing that's happened to me? i don't know, i don't know...all i know is that i'm sick and tired of this waiting around thing...but i think we all know that i will never be the kind of girl who just puts herself out there and is aggressive and bold and the whatnot...that's just not my style...argh...sometimes i get so frustrated with myself...no matter how badly i may want some things in life i know there is absolutely no way that i will initiate anything...and i guess that doesn't just apply to guys...there are a lot of categories that my lack of action filter in to...and sometimes i'm okay with it and sometimes i'm not...it varies from day to day...for example, today i may really be wishing that i wasn't single, but tomorrow i could be jumping for joy that i'm not attached...now i don't necessarily believe that that will be the case, however you don't know...you can't predict everything in life...that's what makes it exciting, or at least tolerable..."In order to really smile you have to shed some tears."