Stuff

Mar 28, 2006 18:12

Still with Jon, still a Troll, still on a diet, which basically means I've been hungry and angry for the last few weeks. The Jon part isn't so bad. Admittedly this is the most tumultuous relationship I've had in terms of stress and insecurity, but it's also been the first time I've genuinely felt like I had any control in things. Chances are within three weeks I'll have turned into an utter control freak, keeping him locked in my closet, etc, but right now I'm just happy. Plus I've learnt for the first time that it IS possible for people to resolve their differences, that first impressions don't necessarily damn you forever, and that despite expectations, two remarkably insecure and introverted people can actually make a very complementary couple. So it would appear that Spring 2006 is the season for learning new and exciting things.

It's ironic really. I spent a year wallowing in excess time, thinking "I can't wait to get out of here and go hundreds of miles away to Exeter for three years". Then by the time I actually find a reason to stay I've got time pissing out of the holes in the side of the SS Kay like it just hit the fucking Titanic iceberg. I'm still going, but I'm starting to see a lot of downsides to university education that I didn't before. It's a lot of money and a long time out of the job market for potentially no payoff. Getting a degree does NOT mean I will get a job, it just means that I become part of the system that makes it more difficult for people without one to do so. I'll probably take the teaching course simultaneous to my second year if I've got the time so that I've at least got some profession to land on when I head out of there to fund the therapy training.

Even so, there's a part of my cynicism that is still healthy, and I'm looking forward to it. Looking forward to being able to live outside the family nest, get my head together, get my identities sorted out.

Looking into buying a new computer at the moment, so I'll probably be offline for a couple of days once I've got the thing and am busy setting it up. Thinking of hanging up the Lj bitch hat anyway. All I actually do on it is bitch, and for once things seem to be turning around. I don't want to start a new epoch of my life with the same old incessant bitching. Maybe some things are best left with an open ending.
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