(no subject)
Work has picked up some, im coaching lil kids football, and trying to keep my head in one place while my angel 1000 miles away goes through shit that I cant be there with her to help her through. Normally I really dont care about myself all too much, but right now..life eh....business is taking over me. My schitsoness is picking up a lot. It sucks. Last time this happened I woke up in a hospital with really really really big red blood marks on my arms. Im trying to turn my life around, but am I trying to do too much at once? I almost believe I've quit doing drugs. I wont count pills as drugs. I bought some for the first time in a long time the other day and I hate myself for it. My next step is to quit smoking. It will be hard because I will be able to buy them in 2 months. This is something I have to do because I dont want any way I could fuck up when I am with Shevon. I want to be as close to perfect for her as I can be. It feels as if I'm at war with myself right now. "Theres a war inside my head, if it dont take a day off I'll be dead" All three personalities are conflicting in my head, and I fucking head it. Im trying my best to get better, time without talking to Shevon isnt helping, but that is mostly beyond my control. I work 5pm-1am tonight, ill talk more later...I love you shevon..