Since I've been lovin' you......
Got the urge to write.
Reflection. Time for reflection.
Life is crazy. It’s constantly changing - evolving. Constantly.
I can’t believe that it’s almost time to register for classes next semester, damn. And this whole getting dark at like 5:45 is still throwing me for a loop. I’m always sad for some classes to end, my favorites, but at the same time I can’t wait for the ones I fucking hate to be done with.
……….
I can’t stop thinking about this boy. I’m seriously just so fucking boy crazy, it’s ridiculous. And I’m also the worst speller, spell check is my savior.
It’s been a little while since I’ve seen him because he left for Florida about a week ago. But he should be back either tomorrow or Tuesday.
It’s just crazy how masked I seem to get. I guess scores of people are like that, but I mean when I think back to like how I felt about Ajay I’m just like - What the fuck was I thinking? Because fuck that sketchy ass - But at the time I was just so …… masked.
It’s just like - this one… He’s just always been in a different place, I can’t really describe it. He is so full of life, so full. And he is so real. He’s young though too, but he seems so much older, he even seems older than me a lot of the time.
I’m just anxious for him to get back and to see how things are between us when he gets back. We kissed and I’ll spare you the rest of the details the day before he left. And there was soo much tension there, so much tension that was built up between us, sexual tension. When we finally kissed, it was so passionate, it was so much alive. The way he was with me, just felt so right.
URGGHHG:SALKIH)(@!*ER+)(QSJS{WJF and then this other part of me starts thinking and I just feel so like I know how I get and I should just know that it’s not going to amount to anything, because it never does, and that I should just be like fuck it, fuck it, and not think about it like I do, BUT I JUST CAN’T HELP IT!
I can’t have a relationship with him, I’m not ready, I just can’t see it working… But there’s no denying the connection that exists between us, no denying. I just want to be by him, touched by him, kissed by him, that’s what I want.
(Will this ever end?)