'tis the season
I woke up this morning in bed at mums house and omg it has got to be the best, douchiest sleep I've had in a long, long time! And the thing is I woke up quite early, which was good cos the day actually lasted a while.
Went to Bluewater and bought Joe & Suzy's xmas presents. Bought Joe a Mr. Tickle t-shirt from Topman and a funny phone thing. Then got Suz a hello kitty teddy, mini etch-a-sketch and a giant silver piggy bank!
I've been proper generous this year cos bought Dad 2 tickets to see Madness at the o2 and Mum a luxury spa thingy.
Went into Lush while was at Bluewater to see Suzy and Rachel Douche Head was in there and I always get the feeling she's being really fake with me, its weird, I dunno if its me being all paranoid and shit or if she genuinely feels she's gotta make conversation with me, which sucks if that's the case cos I think she's real cool, she's one of the very few people I would class as a funny, cool, interesting person. She does have everything, she's nice and constantly has interesting stuff to talk about which doesn't bore me. Our trip to Wales to see Suzy was really good, was just me and her and I didn't feel like I had to compete with anyone, it was pure stoned conversation for 5 hours straight. I loved it, was a sick road trip.
Annyyywayyy got a bit sidetracked there! I saw James in David & Goliath, and he didn't even come and say hello, I am starting to think that im a shit boring person, hence the fact I only have suzy as a friend and NO ONE from school has even attempted to make contact with me since I've been back from Tenerife. Mainly because of Harriet Im guessing?!
I did used to be someone that everyone got on with and I could make people laugh naturally, but I think im so conscious of the way I act and the things I say now I've just lost all personality cos im so damn paranoid of what people are thinking/saying about me. Even though I know they're still saying it.
Two big things have happened really recently to make me think how much I hate myself. One, after the Christmas party Flora said 'why are you trying to pretend that you're not gay', that well and truly pissed me off, but like I do I just pretended I didn't hear and carried on talking. Then when I went out with Suzy for Laurens birthday, apparently I was being really loud and annoying and offending people. Just.like.mother. Which is one of the things I've been trying not to become.
But anyway, im making things change, life is going to be different and mentally easier. I just wish that I could find it easy to trust someone to talk to, but I can't I have serious trust issues, again relating back to me being so fucking concerned with what OTHER people think about me, why?
But ranting over, im gonna get back to watching this 'interesting' film with my 'interesting' Dad.
Went to Bluewater and bought Joe & Suzy's xmas presents. Bought Joe a Mr. Tickle t-shirt from Topman and a funny phone thing. Then got Suz a hello kitty teddy, mini etch-a-sketch and a giant silver piggy bank!
I've been proper generous this year cos bought Dad 2 tickets to see Madness at the o2 and Mum a luxury spa thingy.
Went into Lush while was at Bluewater to see Suzy and Rachel Douche Head was in there and I always get the feeling she's being really fake with me, its weird, I dunno if its me being all paranoid and shit or if she genuinely feels she's gotta make conversation with me, which sucks if that's the case cos I think she's real cool, she's one of the very few people I would class as a funny, cool, interesting person. She does have everything, she's nice and constantly has interesting stuff to talk about which doesn't bore me. Our trip to Wales to see Suzy was really good, was just me and her and I didn't feel like I had to compete with anyone, it was pure stoned conversation for 5 hours straight. I loved it, was a sick road trip.
Annyyywayyy got a bit sidetracked there! I saw James in David & Goliath, and he didn't even come and say hello, I am starting to think that im a shit boring person, hence the fact I only have suzy as a friend and NO ONE from school has even attempted to make contact with me since I've been back from Tenerife. Mainly because of Harriet Im guessing?!
I did used to be someone that everyone got on with and I could make people laugh naturally, but I think im so conscious of the way I act and the things I say now I've just lost all personality cos im so damn paranoid of what people are thinking/saying about me. Even though I know they're still saying it.
Two big things have happened really recently to make me think how much I hate myself. One, after the Christmas party Flora said 'why are you trying to pretend that you're not gay', that well and truly pissed me off, but like I do I just pretended I didn't hear and carried on talking. Then when I went out with Suzy for Laurens birthday, apparently I was being really loud and annoying and offending people. Just.like.mother. Which is one of the things I've been trying not to become.
But anyway, im making things change, life is going to be different and mentally easier. I just wish that I could find it easy to trust someone to talk to, but I can't I have serious trust issues, again relating back to me being so fucking concerned with what OTHER people think about me, why?
But ranting over, im gonna get back to watching this 'interesting' film with my 'interesting' Dad.