To Continue, my Chameleon
The groups I chill with, which are supposedly "open-minded" and "nonjudgemental," lately seem very selectively permeable. To begin with, we have those who are generally known as "the wall group." They are the big thinkers, the ones seated above the immaturity of their lower peers. Typically, they are the epitome of apathy and care not about who happens to be joining their mealtime endevours. However, in such cases as mine, I feel myself to be under the weight of their critical stares. I feel unworthy, even though I haven't done anything to them. Continuing with our somewhat hostile lunch surroundings is the "left wall group." This group consists of the most "normal" of all the usual crowds. I would absolutely love to be able to penetrate their wall, because, frankly, I think they are great. However, there is one tiny aspect: I think they hate me. I spilled my milk the other day while getting up to put my tray in the trash. It didn't get on anyone, didn't kill anything, and it was outside on concrete for goodness sake. And yet, some unnamed person sitting next to me decided that it merited her calling me an asshole. Whatever. So much for being "noncritical." That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. I guess the hipocrisy of it all just gets to me. The very same kind of hipocrisy that they make a point of scorning. How lame. I mean, everyone's supposed to be "open" in this group. I guess even open now has limits. I just don't seem to meet the standard. Moving on, we have the "immiture, under-the-tree people." These kids are just that. -- Kids. They just like to hae fun. However, this is very frusterating. You cannot talk to these people because they simply do not listen and if they did they would'nt understand or help. It's all just loud, foolish playing. There just isn't any sort of level of maturity, no lines drawn in the sand. This is overwhelming and, to a point, embarrassing. Unfortunately, though, I turn the tables when I say all this, and that truly eats at me. I hate admitting the fact that we who seem to dine together in harmony have created a cacophony of tangible social levels, just once again forming the type of ostracizing that turned us away from the other masses of teenage society in the first place.
All of this is just another contributing factor as to why I feel so lost lately. Many other people have felt this "Great Schism" forming in our group as well. Nobody likes it, nobody does anything. I hope not to offend anyone by this posting; my only intention is to put the facts out there. I don't think that I am alone in my discomfort concerning all of this. I hope that no one else has felt so completely lost in the midst of the situation.
Hats off to those who see this and wish to make a change.
*Note, I really don't mean anything by just pointing out the flaws in these groups, and I'm sorry I left it to that. I agree with Monica's comment that we need to find a balance because neither extreme will be foolproof 110% of the time.
Check out the comments for further disscussion.
All of this is just another contributing factor as to why I feel so lost lately. Many other people have felt this "Great Schism" forming in our group as well. Nobody likes it, nobody does anything. I hope not to offend anyone by this posting; my only intention is to put the facts out there. I don't think that I am alone in my discomfort concerning all of this. I hope that no one else has felt so completely lost in the midst of the situation.
Hats off to those who see this and wish to make a change.
*Note, I really don't mean anything by just pointing out the flaws in these groups, and I'm sorry I left it to that. I agree with Monica's comment that we need to find a balance because neither extreme will be foolproof 110% of the time.
Check out the comments for further disscussion.