No Reflection

[my_name_is_tin]

I think I'm just going through one of those periods in time where I really have no clue who I am. It's so cliche, but it's true. Last year, I had this picture of who I was, or at least who I wanted to be. The years before that I didn't really care. It's as though everything is changing: the people around me, the world's expectations, everyone's outlook on life, people's morals, and I'm generally becoming this cynical person I didn't know I could be. It really sucks. It's as though I look into a pool of water, but the water's moving too fast to see a reflection. I feel like I've lost my anchor in life, and in some ways I think I might have. Maybe it's just desperation and stress, but I feel as though no matter where or how hard I look I'm never going to find another anchor. And I can't get back the one I lost because it sunk awhile ago. I would like something, some kind of support, to center myself around. This sounds really terrible like "ME ME ME listen to ME cry," and I don't want it to; however, I've felt this way for awhile.

How can I find out who I am? Is it different from the person you precieve me to be? Who do I want myself to become? Why do I feel like a rope with frayed ends? Why do I feel like diving to the bottom of the ocean to retrieve my anchor, when I know I probably won't even be able to pick it back up?

^^ These are the questions going through my mind lately.
-- Oh well.

And Sahil: Thanks so freakin much for this weekend, you truly are a pretty amazing kid. I don't want to think what I'd have done without you there for me. I owe you bigtime buddy.