(no subject)
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaahh
my eyes were cemented shut when i woke up... that was pretty interesting.
well my blood tests finally came back, everything seems to be normal
except this whole flu thing im going through. ive never has a sore throat this friggen bad before
i cant talk or swallow anything... except ice cream. so imma get fatter ><
oh well, atleast i probably dont have cancer...
i got antibiotics FINALLY so i should be getting better soon.
though i am still anemic and have practically no energy...
my mom keeps telling me to go for walks and stuff, i say no because im too weak.
cliff listens to her for some reason and drags me out for a walk. i almost passed out.
walking back i threw up a little. my moms a genius.
i dont get why he listens to her. he thinks she knows best somehow...
i guess its just burned into his skull from his own childhood.
she doesnt know what im going through, and she's not a doctor.
the doctors told me i needed to rest. they know best. not her.
but no one listens to meeeeeeeeee. yaaaaaaaay.
ive been going through nothing but shit for months now, physically i mean.
and these people around me now expect me to be all sunshine and buttercups
despite how much it hurts to just fucking move my arms let alone sit up or walk.
its always been like this though, my parents never ever take me seriously when im sick.
they think im faking it or exaggerating.
sorry but finding out you might have cancer cant really be exagerated.
none of this can be.
no ones messaged.
no ones called.
no ones come to see me.
though, amanda has commented, offerring to visit.
i hope she can find her way down here, even though i havent spoken to her like two years.
im hoping the worst is over.
i dont remember what it feels like to be comfortable.
i havent been for a very, very long time.
i cant even say that im happy emotionally because everything just hurts.
i want to say im happy with cliff, but im not happy.
when we're living on our own away from family i'll be happy with cliff.
im still tortured over what has happened with cliff's family,
and being her with mine is only making me feel worthless again.
i feel trapped. if i leave i'll be homeless and starve, but...
if i stay...
im not sure how it will effect me mentally...
oh well. we get to put up christmas decorations this weekend.
that'll make me feel better.
unless my mom decides to get in a huge fight...
over where some stupid little fucking piece of crap goes...
then im just going to shove it down her throat and push her down the stairs.
the end.
my eyes were cemented shut when i woke up... that was pretty interesting.
well my blood tests finally came back, everything seems to be normal
except this whole flu thing im going through. ive never has a sore throat this friggen bad before
i cant talk or swallow anything... except ice cream. so imma get fatter ><
oh well, atleast i probably dont have cancer...
i got antibiotics FINALLY so i should be getting better soon.
though i am still anemic and have practically no energy...
my mom keeps telling me to go for walks and stuff, i say no because im too weak.
cliff listens to her for some reason and drags me out for a walk. i almost passed out.
walking back i threw up a little. my moms a genius.
i dont get why he listens to her. he thinks she knows best somehow...
i guess its just burned into his skull from his own childhood.
she doesnt know what im going through, and she's not a doctor.
the doctors told me i needed to rest. they know best. not her.
but no one listens to meeeeeeeeee. yaaaaaaaay.
ive been going through nothing but shit for months now, physically i mean.
and these people around me now expect me to be all sunshine and buttercups
despite how much it hurts to just fucking move my arms let alone sit up or walk.
its always been like this though, my parents never ever take me seriously when im sick.
they think im faking it or exaggerating.
sorry but finding out you might have cancer cant really be exagerated.
none of this can be.
no ones messaged.
no ones called.
no ones come to see me.
though, amanda has commented, offerring to visit.
i hope she can find her way down here, even though i havent spoken to her like two years.
im hoping the worst is over.
i dont remember what it feels like to be comfortable.
i havent been for a very, very long time.
i cant even say that im happy emotionally because everything just hurts.
i want to say im happy with cliff, but im not happy.
when we're living on our own away from family i'll be happy with cliff.
im still tortured over what has happened with cliff's family,
and being her with mine is only making me feel worthless again.
i feel trapped. if i leave i'll be homeless and starve, but...
if i stay...
im not sure how it will effect me mentally...
oh well. we get to put up christmas decorations this weekend.
that'll make me feel better.
unless my mom decides to get in a huge fight...
over where some stupid little fucking piece of crap goes...
then im just going to shove it down her throat and push her down the stairs.
the end.