it never stops....
im getting pretty fucking tired of life...
from april to june i was on bc that made my entire system fuck itself over, causing my womanly parts to endure more pain that ive ever felt in my life.
around mid-july i got in a huge fight with my former best friend, then another huge fight with my parents.
then, in august i think, i got mono.
edit: *THENNN our 5 month old kitten, ZoSo, she stopped moving around and would just lie in one spot in a puddle of her own shiz. i took her to the vet and they said she'd be fine, jut make sure she's eating and drinking and moving around. a day or two goes by and her skin turned yellow, when i called the vet they said she wasnt going to live through the night. she was diagnosed with a terminal liver disease, and we had to put her to sleep. she died in my arms.*
september my best friend ends up in the hospital, but his former friend, KC, calls me and tells me he died, because she's jealous of the friendship randy and i have. she did this before in january, by telling me he overdosed.
october was the start of my six and a half week long period which caused me to become dangerously anemic and have some asshole of a doctor shove his hands inside me without me being anywhere near ready.
also, throughout october, cliff and i got in a massive epic war with his family and i still feel like shit about that because its all my fucking fault because im bisexual, and they hate me for that and some other shit they just made up on their own, considering the only one i've had a conversation with, EVER, was his sister, whom i no longer trust for fear of her telling the rest of them some twisted fucked up version of everything i say.
in the midst of all this, cliff and i moved from PA to MA to crash with my parents while we try to get our lives back to normal. that was the most stressful thing ever because we couldnt fit all of our stuff in the van and car that we had. some of my things are still sitting in that shitty ass appartment and im never going to see them again.
then, in the beginning of november, the doctors told me i might have cancer in my uterus.
theennnn i got stood up by a friend on wednesday, speaking of which i have barely seen any of my friends cause they apparently dont have time for me.
aaannnndddd i feel pretty pissed off all the time without any solid reason for me to grasp on to, so i get even more angry cause i dont know why im pissed off, then i end up pushing the people i love away, and there is never a release for my agression.
and now, because of unsteril equipment used by the GYN, i have a UTI. which means i get to piss blood now.
plus, ive got either the flu or food poisoning cause i havent stopped throwing up since 5am, and it never gives any warning so i've also been cleaning since 5am.
i have a fever and a soar throat as well.
my stomach is killing me, but i cant eat or take any meds because i'll just throw them up.
and if it gets worse i have to go back to those douchebag urgent care doctors who treat me like shit cause i dont have health insurance, considering i just moved and dont have a job. despite the fact i have the money to pay them full price and beyond because my parents are helping me.
i havent been healthy physically, emotionally, or mentally, since about six months ago.
even then it was rare, short bursts of comfort.
i miss smiling.
is it just me, or does all that seem like kind of a lot to deal with?
i mean, am i being selfish by bitching about it like this?
i feel so bitter and pissed off, and i dont know what to do...
when one illness ends another begins, or some horrid drama flies my way, or someone dies...
i think what im most concerned about is cliff...
because he has to sit there, completely helpless and confused, as he watches me go through all this, without being able to stop it.
its just one thing piled on top of the other...
and its so pretty outside today...
but i can't enjoy it.
my day will consist of vomitting, pissing blood, headaches, hunger, and daytime television.
yeah, it'd be pretty nice if someone called or came to visit...
but i'd rather stab myself in the eye than get my hopes up.
thanks for nothing, asshole.
from april to june i was on bc that made my entire system fuck itself over, causing my womanly parts to endure more pain that ive ever felt in my life.
around mid-july i got in a huge fight with my former best friend, then another huge fight with my parents.
then, in august i think, i got mono.
edit: *THENNN our 5 month old kitten, ZoSo, she stopped moving around and would just lie in one spot in a puddle of her own shiz. i took her to the vet and they said she'd be fine, jut make sure she's eating and drinking and moving around. a day or two goes by and her skin turned yellow, when i called the vet they said she wasnt going to live through the night. she was diagnosed with a terminal liver disease, and we had to put her to sleep. she died in my arms.*
september my best friend ends up in the hospital, but his former friend, KC, calls me and tells me he died, because she's jealous of the friendship randy and i have. she did this before in january, by telling me he overdosed.
october was the start of my six and a half week long period which caused me to become dangerously anemic and have some asshole of a doctor shove his hands inside me without me being anywhere near ready.
also, throughout october, cliff and i got in a massive epic war with his family and i still feel like shit about that because its all my fucking fault because im bisexual, and they hate me for that and some other shit they just made up on their own, considering the only one i've had a conversation with, EVER, was his sister, whom i no longer trust for fear of her telling the rest of them some twisted fucked up version of everything i say.
in the midst of all this, cliff and i moved from PA to MA to crash with my parents while we try to get our lives back to normal. that was the most stressful thing ever because we couldnt fit all of our stuff in the van and car that we had. some of my things are still sitting in that shitty ass appartment and im never going to see them again.
then, in the beginning of november, the doctors told me i might have cancer in my uterus.
theennnn i got stood up by a friend on wednesday, speaking of which i have barely seen any of my friends cause they apparently dont have time for me.
aaannnndddd i feel pretty pissed off all the time without any solid reason for me to grasp on to, so i get even more angry cause i dont know why im pissed off, then i end up pushing the people i love away, and there is never a release for my agression.
and now, because of unsteril equipment used by the GYN, i have a UTI. which means i get to piss blood now.
plus, ive got either the flu or food poisoning cause i havent stopped throwing up since 5am, and it never gives any warning so i've also been cleaning since 5am.
i have a fever and a soar throat as well.
my stomach is killing me, but i cant eat or take any meds because i'll just throw them up.
and if it gets worse i have to go back to those douchebag urgent care doctors who treat me like shit cause i dont have health insurance, considering i just moved and dont have a job. despite the fact i have the money to pay them full price and beyond because my parents are helping me.
i havent been healthy physically, emotionally, or mentally, since about six months ago.
even then it was rare, short bursts of comfort.
i miss smiling.
is it just me, or does all that seem like kind of a lot to deal with?
i mean, am i being selfish by bitching about it like this?
i feel so bitter and pissed off, and i dont know what to do...
when one illness ends another begins, or some horrid drama flies my way, or someone dies...
i think what im most concerned about is cliff...
because he has to sit there, completely helpless and confused, as he watches me go through all this, without being able to stop it.
its just one thing piled on top of the other...
and its so pretty outside today...
but i can't enjoy it.
my day will consist of vomitting, pissing blood, headaches, hunger, and daytime television.
yeah, it'd be pretty nice if someone called or came to visit...
but i'd rather stab myself in the eye than get my hopes up.
thanks for nothing, asshole.