(no subject)
for all the times i mean to post here, it just doesn't happen. the thing about negative feedback is that it is a lot easier to remember than anything positive due to basic adaptive behavior. even perceived negative response can be a block - this is why i usually yammer about interpersonal balance... in hopes that shit doesn't get to me as quickly.
been soaking up the alone time, but i am still kind of in a place where i can get away with not making choices/decisions, so it's not really being that productive. really lazy with keeping track of chores, food, cleaning etc.
i have an awful time getting motivated - at work i had to push myself to the furthest edge of possible job loss just so i would be forced to be completely perfect all the time. doing it isn't the problem, but going through all the extra effort is a bit ridiculous. i play it off as mind games, and it is interesting to see how people react to change/stress, but at the end of the day i do have to pay to play.
the thing is i do respect my boss for what he does, its just that his focus is so limited. just a very physical/mechanical/logical mentality, quick to see flaws and identify any impediments to progress. he just ends up forming very sharp dividing lines wherever he goes, and makes himself in the right by keying into the documentation/details/specifics. i guess not everyone can coerce people into joining them to do whatever, so i should take that and roll with it, but it is just hard to relate to people who force others to do things in general.
and my way is pretty much the opposite of formalized power, so i guess i need to think about the areas that would influence. its obvious he is in the place he can have the maximum amount of influence, i just need to follow suit.
but don't get me wrong, i absolutely love the personal challenge he poses, there's just so little chance to access it without severe consequences. it is always like that when i interact with traditionalists and even just judgers in general, but him being an introvert and an intuitive makes it a lot easier to piece that mindset together.
i'm hoping that if i am able to get more creative about my un-power, i can just be in the middle of whatever that is and stop being drawn to these types of personalities. i'd probably have to be a lot more interactive with strangers, they would be the most logical resource.
been soaking up the alone time, but i am still kind of in a place where i can get away with not making choices/decisions, so it's not really being that productive. really lazy with keeping track of chores, food, cleaning etc.
i have an awful time getting motivated - at work i had to push myself to the furthest edge of possible job loss just so i would be forced to be completely perfect all the time. doing it isn't the problem, but going through all the extra effort is a bit ridiculous. i play it off as mind games, and it is interesting to see how people react to change/stress, but at the end of the day i do have to pay to play.
the thing is i do respect my boss for what he does, its just that his focus is so limited. just a very physical/mechanical/logical mentality, quick to see flaws and identify any impediments to progress. he just ends up forming very sharp dividing lines wherever he goes, and makes himself in the right by keying into the documentation/details/specifics. i guess not everyone can coerce people into joining them to do whatever, so i should take that and roll with it, but it is just hard to relate to people who force others to do things in general.
and my way is pretty much the opposite of formalized power, so i guess i need to think about the areas that would influence. its obvious he is in the place he can have the maximum amount of influence, i just need to follow suit.
but don't get me wrong, i absolutely love the personal challenge he poses, there's just so little chance to access it without severe consequences. it is always like that when i interact with traditionalists and even just judgers in general, but him being an introvert and an intuitive makes it a lot easier to piece that mindset together.
i'm hoping that if i am able to get more creative about my un-power, i can just be in the middle of whatever that is and stop being drawn to these types of personalities. i'd probably have to be a lot more interactive with strangers, they would be the most logical resource.