(no subject)
i usually feel imposed on by people, which is why i try to keep my distance. i think i need to try immersing myself in them a bit more, but fighting back with the force of my own personality - push the equilibrium back the other way a bit. this might be something that only applies to certain personalities though - have to watch that.
i know that a lot of people look to me for guidance or opinion or something for whatever reason - or at least listen to me. i need to stop running from that and make it a positive thing. i can't succeed if i keep being afraid of people expecting more from me. i just need to start expecting better of myself too. living up to mine and others' expectations is always the problem. my expectations are so high that they intimidate me, and those of others i perceive too strongly, which is also intimidating, but more of a question of that interpersonal balance. i guess i should break my ideals down a bit which is kind of frustrating - i don't like having to focus on details. i guess i'm not entirely confident i have the ability to make several pieces come together at once yet. i am still focused on getting that one giant thing to slowly come into focus and outshine everything around.
not sure how i will gather the energy to deal with this and start/continue to take GOOD care of myself, my surroundings, and the few responsibilities i actually have. it's been a bit too long since my last serious upswing, so i'm resolved to create another one. interesting article today in the wall street journal about cognitive therapy, stress, and medicine - apparently thinking yourself _____ is more accepted than i thought. luckily i am a pro - at least when i keep up with it.
been thinking a good deal about abstract concepts like love, fear, time, money, race lately. i'm wondering how i can balance people's interactions with them.
i know that a lot of people look to me for guidance or opinion or something for whatever reason - or at least listen to me. i need to stop running from that and make it a positive thing. i can't succeed if i keep being afraid of people expecting more from me. i just need to start expecting better of myself too. living up to mine and others' expectations is always the problem. my expectations are so high that they intimidate me, and those of others i perceive too strongly, which is also intimidating, but more of a question of that interpersonal balance. i guess i should break my ideals down a bit which is kind of frustrating - i don't like having to focus on details. i guess i'm not entirely confident i have the ability to make several pieces come together at once yet. i am still focused on getting that one giant thing to slowly come into focus and outshine everything around.
not sure how i will gather the energy to deal with this and start/continue to take GOOD care of myself, my surroundings, and the few responsibilities i actually have. it's been a bit too long since my last serious upswing, so i'm resolved to create another one. interesting article today in the wall street journal about cognitive therapy, stress, and medicine - apparently thinking yourself _____ is more accepted than i thought. luckily i am a pro - at least when i keep up with it.
been thinking a good deal about abstract concepts like love, fear, time, money, race lately. i'm wondering how i can balance people's interactions with them.