Sex Rant
Yes.
I'm pissed.
It started when I was discussing with my mother about what to wear to dinner tonight. I took off my sweatshirt so she could approve my shirt. She freaked.
"You can't wear those pants!! They have a playboy bunny on them!!"
She then started discussing coloring the white bunny head with black marker.
Then she told me I should just cut a circle where it is and safety pin it together.
"But Mom, you won't let me wear these pants out of the house if I do that!"
"..Why not?"
"Because it will have a hole with safety pins and you'll tell me it's not appropriate!"
We then got into a discussion about sex symbols.
She said that Playboy just makes women out to be sex objects.
I told her that all men just make women out to be sex objects anyway.
I started walking out of the room.
"That's not true!"
I corrected myself: "Sorry. MOST men make women out to be sex objects."
She repeated herself: "That's not true!"
Then I walked away.
It's more than just sex objects. Don't you think I'm old enough to dress myself?! Jeez.
That's not even what bugs me most.
She doesn't have to tell me about sex symbols. She acts like I don't know anything about sex.
I'M NOT A VIRGIN.
I know what it feels like to have a guy tell you he cares about you,
have sex with him,
GIVE HIM MY VIRGINITY,
And then have him completely blow me off.
Yes. Chad. Heh.
We fucked and that night, he tells me, "I want to be loyal to my girlfriend."
THEN!
When I got mad, he said, "There goes the option of there ever being an 'us.'"
Like it was me who decided that.
I know what it is like to be used for sex, for my body.
UTAH.
Chad wasn't the only thing. Although he does live in Utah, I consider him a seperate situation.
Sexual Harrassment.
It wasn't like it was just my guy friends, or just random people.
EVERYONE IN UTAH HARRASSED ME, pretty much.
My guys friends wouldn't stop touching me, ALL THE TIME.
My girl friends wouldn't stop touching me, ALL THE TIME.
Random people would stop us in the stores.
I'd be in a fitting room and I would hear people come up to my dad, total strangers.
They'd say things like,
"I wish I had that figure! If I looked like her, I could get away with ANYTHING."
Flattering? Sure.
Annoying? Moreso.
Then there was Bill.
He was my boyfriend for three weeks in October 2004.
He was mad after I dumped him.
To get back at me, Bill spread rumors that I had slept around with a bunch of guys while I had been dating him.
Then the nude pictures of me started going around school.
Slutty reputation?
I should say so.
No wonder I got fucking harrassed.
I wish my mom would just shut up.
I know what is appropriate for me to wear.
I'm not actually acting that way, why does it matter if I wear it?
Mom has ALWAYS been judgemental of my appearance: my makeup, my clothes, my hairdye.
Should have heard her last year.
She told me I couldn't wear fishnet tights because Lauren P wore them and they looked slutty on her.
I was practically screaming at her, "I'M NOT LAUREN!!"
[If you know my fashion sense, you should know that I Loooove fishnet.]
She told me I couldn't wear thongs.
Guess what? I wear them anyway.
If she didn't do my laundry or look through my suitcases, she wouldn't even know.
Because I think it's fucking disgusting when a chick has pants halfway down her ass with her thong sticking out. And I don't do that.
I think I'm done.
_Floral_