What the hell
If I were a month I would be: October.
If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday. Never did understand Thursdays.
If I were a time of day I would be: that half-second sometime in the middle of the night when you think, "Hey, life's not so bad" ... and then you realize that that's only sleep-deprived hallucination.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto. Waaaay out there, possibly not a planet at all, and not actually extant in its own right without its satellite.
If I were a sea animal I would be: a zebra mussel. Those are the ones with the razor edges, right?
If I were a direction I would be: an irrational one.
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a small, rickety three-legged stool that's shoved into the corner and mostly forgotten about.
If I were a historical figure I would be: Charlotte Corday.
If I were a liquid I would be: Coke. I'm pretty sure there's more Coke than blood in my veins right now.
If I were a stone, I would be: an opal. They transmute easiest.
If I were a tree, I would be: a weeping willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: a penguin!
If I were a tool, I would be: one that doesn't quite work.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: something poisonous.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: rain at night. [stolen from Bishop]
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a contra. Preferably Eb.
If I were an animal, I would be: a coecelanth (I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong). Their existence is in doubt.
If I were a color, I would be: deep blue.
If I were an emotion, I would be: sarcasm. Is that an emotion?
If I were a vegetable, I would be: dead.
If I were a sound, I would be: something extremely irritating.
If I were an element, I would be: Francium - highly dangerous and not found in nature.
If I were a car, I would be: an Austen (Austen? Austin?) Mini.
If I were a song, I would be: Beethoven's "Sonata Pathetique."
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Guy Ritchie - lots of death, irony and profanity.
If I were a book, I would be written by: David Eddings. I wish.
If I were a food, I would be: h'm. Probably something insubstantial and/or toxic.
If I were a place, I would be: Unplottable.
If I were a material, I would be: Mallorean silk.
If I were a taste, I would be: exquisite.
If I were a scent, I would be: ephemeral.
If I were a religion, I would be: Would saying "the divine feminine" get me killed?
If I were a word, I would be: SheiBe.
If I were an object, I would be: the small green china bowl I bought in Paris two years ago.
If I were a body part I would be: eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smirk with a raised eyebrow. [again, stolen from Bishop]
If I were a subject in school I would be: British Lit.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Dexter! Or Asterix.
If I were a shape I would be: constantly shifting.
If I were a number I would be: 0013.8 1/4
If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday. Never did understand Thursdays.
If I were a time of day I would be: that half-second sometime in the middle of the night when you think, "Hey, life's not so bad" ... and then you realize that that's only sleep-deprived hallucination.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto. Waaaay out there, possibly not a planet at all, and not actually extant in its own right without its satellite.
If I were a sea animal I would be: a zebra mussel. Those are the ones with the razor edges, right?
If I were a direction I would be: an irrational one.
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a small, rickety three-legged stool that's shoved into the corner and mostly forgotten about.
If I were a historical figure I would be: Charlotte Corday.
If I were a liquid I would be: Coke. I'm pretty sure there's more Coke than blood in my veins right now.
If I were a stone, I would be: an opal. They transmute easiest.
If I were a tree, I would be: a weeping willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: a penguin!
If I were a tool, I would be: one that doesn't quite work.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: something poisonous.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: rain at night. [stolen from Bishop]
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a contra. Preferably Eb.
If I were an animal, I would be: a coecelanth (I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong). Their existence is in doubt.
If I were a color, I would be: deep blue.
If I were an emotion, I would be: sarcasm. Is that an emotion?
If I were a vegetable, I would be: dead.
If I were a sound, I would be: something extremely irritating.
If I were an element, I would be: Francium - highly dangerous and not found in nature.
If I were a car, I would be: an Austen (Austen? Austin?) Mini.
If I were a song, I would be: Beethoven's "Sonata Pathetique."
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Guy Ritchie - lots of death, irony and profanity.
If I were a book, I would be written by: David Eddings. I wish.
If I were a food, I would be: h'm. Probably something insubstantial and/or toxic.
If I were a place, I would be: Unplottable.
If I were a material, I would be: Mallorean silk.
If I were a taste, I would be: exquisite.
If I were a scent, I would be: ephemeral.
If I were a religion, I would be: Would saying "the divine feminine" get me killed?
If I were a word, I would be: SheiBe.
If I were an object, I would be: the small green china bowl I bought in Paris two years ago.
If I were a body part I would be: eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smirk with a raised eyebrow. [again, stolen from Bishop]
If I were a subject in school I would be: British Lit.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Dexter! Or Asterix.
If I were a shape I would be: constantly shifting.
If I were a number I would be: 0013.8 1/4