Food and weight and the not so evil buffet...
Well, I had to work late, and we ended up going to China Moon buffet for dinner.
I used to hate going to buffets because I'd eat too much (trying to get my money's worth).
But I've been working on changing the way I think - mainly is eating so much worth it (financially in the long run) when I eat so much it makes me sick, when I pull a muscle from carrying around so much weight, when my back hurts, when eating wheat makes my sinuses go haywire..etc.)
The easiest buffet for me to exert self-control is chinese buffet. The starches stay mostly separate. This time I ate only enough that I hit that sweet spot of not hungry but not the least bit full. I did that the time before as well. And this morning the snugger of my two jeans were not the least bit uncomfortable.
I'm really overweight, like almost a hundred pounds... Part of the reason I got to this state, is because I do not have a realistic view of myself. I "feel" like a 120 pound girl inside - I "feel" my bones and muscles as being a part of me, and my skin, but I don't really feel my fat, so much as carry it around - I'm fairly detached from it. So detached that I've basically ignored it. But my body is getting older, and it is more tiresome to haul it around like a pack - which is what it feels like.
One of the things I realized was that I "needed" to see this outside view of myself. And it's kind of funny how the things you need appear when you need them...
But I did not realize how badly I needed this until this couple recently joined my local SCA group who also happen to like to take pictures. Lots of pictures. Most people ask before they take a picture. These folks don't ask before they shoot, they just take lots and lots of bad pictures, they don't compose them, or take a nice angle. There is no hiding, no mercy, not rationalizing...
I've only just managed to have them not stick the camera a foot from my face and blinding me without warning. Aside from getting them not to blind me, I've not otherwise censored them from taking or posting pics of me. I had decided it was for my own good. Hopefully one day if I ever lose all my weight they can just as indiscriminately document the not so fat me (if there is any fairness in the world).
So sometime at the end of last year, I started drinking more water and hot tea with equal at work, or iced tea with sweet & low when I go out to eat. Sometimes I forget or I'm really drained and I'll order sweet tea, but just from that alone I've lost about 5-7 pounds.
My next goal has been to try to get more sleep because when I stay up late, I eat more, and I eat more during the next day cause I'm so sleepy.
So in the past few weeks, I've quit staying up to watch Craig Ferguson (as much as I love him) and I feel soo much better during the day. It will take a few months to see how this effects my diet in the long run, but I've had the willpower to order more salads and smaller sized meals (or eat less at the buffet), and not to impulsively eat so much.
It's also nice to be able to get out of bed more easily more often and more on time. Now it just needs to be a little earlier - like 11PM sharp...
My next goal is to get a real piece of exercise equipment, and clear out a space for it in the middle area in my sewing room so I can "hyperfocus" on the exercise. (I had planned on doing that in the parlor, but I need to be in a more private area to do this - I just prefer to exercise without an audience). The two times I lost a lot of weight, I was exercising at least an hour a day. There is no other way around it.
I'm thinking about making it also serve as a meditation area, so that will mean making it a place I want to visit and hang out it.
I picturing getting up in the morning and wanting to go to that area to stretch my bones and muscles.
You may ask "why don't you just do that all at once" but I'm really wanting to develop healthy habits. I want to make sure one sticks before I layer another on. I don't want to do something intensely for a few weeks or months, and then drop it the second I get sidetracked. I want each behavior change to be deeply embedded. I want to take the time to adjust my surroundings so they support and encourage these good habits.
I feel like I'm peeling an onion, with each layer another bad habit I'm shedding.
I used to hate going to buffets because I'd eat too much (trying to get my money's worth).
But I've been working on changing the way I think - mainly is eating so much worth it (financially in the long run) when I eat so much it makes me sick, when I pull a muscle from carrying around so much weight, when my back hurts, when eating wheat makes my sinuses go haywire..etc.)
The easiest buffet for me to exert self-control is chinese buffet. The starches stay mostly separate. This time I ate only enough that I hit that sweet spot of not hungry but not the least bit full. I did that the time before as well. And this morning the snugger of my two jeans were not the least bit uncomfortable.
I'm really overweight, like almost a hundred pounds... Part of the reason I got to this state, is because I do not have a realistic view of myself. I "feel" like a 120 pound girl inside - I "feel" my bones and muscles as being a part of me, and my skin, but I don't really feel my fat, so much as carry it around - I'm fairly detached from it. So detached that I've basically ignored it. But my body is getting older, and it is more tiresome to haul it around like a pack - which is what it feels like.
One of the things I realized was that I "needed" to see this outside view of myself. And it's kind of funny how the things you need appear when you need them...
But I did not realize how badly I needed this until this couple recently joined my local SCA group who also happen to like to take pictures. Lots of pictures. Most people ask before they take a picture. These folks don't ask before they shoot, they just take lots and lots of bad pictures, they don't compose them, or take a nice angle. There is no hiding, no mercy, not rationalizing...
I've only just managed to have them not stick the camera a foot from my face and blinding me without warning. Aside from getting them not to blind me, I've not otherwise censored them from taking or posting pics of me. I had decided it was for my own good. Hopefully one day if I ever lose all my weight they can just as indiscriminately document the not so fat me (if there is any fairness in the world).
So sometime at the end of last year, I started drinking more water and hot tea with equal at work, or iced tea with sweet & low when I go out to eat. Sometimes I forget or I'm really drained and I'll order sweet tea, but just from that alone I've lost about 5-7 pounds.
My next goal has been to try to get more sleep because when I stay up late, I eat more, and I eat more during the next day cause I'm so sleepy.
So in the past few weeks, I've quit staying up to watch Craig Ferguson (as much as I love him) and I feel soo much better during the day. It will take a few months to see how this effects my diet in the long run, but I've had the willpower to order more salads and smaller sized meals (or eat less at the buffet), and not to impulsively eat so much.
It's also nice to be able to get out of bed more easily more often and more on time. Now it just needs to be a little earlier - like 11PM sharp...
My next goal is to get a real piece of exercise equipment, and clear out a space for it in the middle area in my sewing room so I can "hyperfocus" on the exercise. (I had planned on doing that in the parlor, but I need to be in a more private area to do this - I just prefer to exercise without an audience). The two times I lost a lot of weight, I was exercising at least an hour a day. There is no other way around it.
I'm thinking about making it also serve as a meditation area, so that will mean making it a place I want to visit and hang out it.
I picturing getting up in the morning and wanting to go to that area to stretch my bones and muscles.
You may ask "why don't you just do that all at once" but I'm really wanting to develop healthy habits. I want to make sure one sticks before I layer another on. I don't want to do something intensely for a few weeks or months, and then drop it the second I get sidetracked. I want each behavior change to be deeply embedded. I want to take the time to adjust my surroundings so they support and encourage these good habits.
I feel like I'm peeling an onion, with each layer another bad habit I'm shedding.