losing everyone.
Well, i finally got burned at work. It was only a matter of time. I just wish it happened a different way, i guess.
It was getting busy, and i was taking out the chicken scampi out of the microwave, and i guess it was to powerful for the chicken, and it waited a little bit, and then exploded in my face. Nice right. THankfully my face was okay, it just hurt a little bit, but my arm have blisters on it. My manager put a patch on it, and stuff. Ugh. It still hurts though.
Ahh anyway. After some of my experiences, i realized how i unintentionally push people away from me and my life. I never thought of why everyone was leaving and why i don't talk to some people that i have talked to before. But, i know now, that it's because i am so scared of losing them, i push myself away.
Thats really bad. Because now, i see that i'm doing it in my friendships and relationships that mean the most to me now. After hearing things that i've heard, i just want to make them happy. So I just push myself away from them, not hurting them, but hurting myself. And i can't believe that i never realized that, until now.
I can see myself moving away from my relationship. When i don't want to. I'm perfectly happy, and nothing will change that. But because of my fears, and of getting hurt, i'm starting to hide in myself. I have no reason to be scared. But when i think about it.. I actually do.
I mean, what guy honestly wants to stay with a girl for 2 years, almost 3. Theres no way. And i am in a dream thats about to end, and i feel it ending.
Even in my closest friendships. I feel like i'm being avoided. Like i get annoying. Most important like i'm being replaced.
Maybe thats because i'm getting blamed for something, that not only do i do, that well they do too. I guess hypocrite is the word. If i even spelled it wrong. I am one too. But, i guess in this matter it's really important, because i don't feel like i have a best friend anymore. It hurts my feelings, i'm sure just as much as it hurts theirs.
And, even though i have people in my life, i feel alone. Like it's not enough. Where do you go from there? Maybe your suppose to feel important. Or, so you think. I just know that if thats what your suppose to feel. I don't. I did, but i dont know fear over took it, and now i'm scared.
I'm scared of losing the people that i care most about. Especially to other people who don't deserve it. And for once, i am being selfish. I'm tired of pleasing everyone else. I think its my turn for a change.
It's going to be a fight til the end. I just hope in the end, i'm the one left standing, with everyone else that cares about me, and that i care about.
I'm sick of feeling alone. And deep down i'm happy. I guess i'm just scared. I can see it taking over my life, my friendships and my relationship. Whats wrong with me?
It was getting busy, and i was taking out the chicken scampi out of the microwave, and i guess it was to powerful for the chicken, and it waited a little bit, and then exploded in my face. Nice right. THankfully my face was okay, it just hurt a little bit, but my arm have blisters on it. My manager put a patch on it, and stuff. Ugh. It still hurts though.
Ahh anyway. After some of my experiences, i realized how i unintentionally push people away from me and my life. I never thought of why everyone was leaving and why i don't talk to some people that i have talked to before. But, i know now, that it's because i am so scared of losing them, i push myself away.
Thats really bad. Because now, i see that i'm doing it in my friendships and relationships that mean the most to me now. After hearing things that i've heard, i just want to make them happy. So I just push myself away from them, not hurting them, but hurting myself. And i can't believe that i never realized that, until now.
I can see myself moving away from my relationship. When i don't want to. I'm perfectly happy, and nothing will change that. But because of my fears, and of getting hurt, i'm starting to hide in myself. I have no reason to be scared. But when i think about it.. I actually do.
I mean, what guy honestly wants to stay with a girl for 2 years, almost 3. Theres no way. And i am in a dream thats about to end, and i feel it ending.
Even in my closest friendships. I feel like i'm being avoided. Like i get annoying. Most important like i'm being replaced.
Maybe thats because i'm getting blamed for something, that not only do i do, that well they do too. I guess hypocrite is the word. If i even spelled it wrong. I am one too. But, i guess in this matter it's really important, because i don't feel like i have a best friend anymore. It hurts my feelings, i'm sure just as much as it hurts theirs.
And, even though i have people in my life, i feel alone. Like it's not enough. Where do you go from there? Maybe your suppose to feel important. Or, so you think. I just know that if thats what your suppose to feel. I don't. I did, but i dont know fear over took it, and now i'm scared.
I'm scared of losing the people that i care most about. Especially to other people who don't deserve it. And for once, i am being selfish. I'm tired of pleasing everyone else. I think its my turn for a change.
It's going to be a fight til the end. I just hope in the end, i'm the one left standing, with everyone else that cares about me, and that i care about.
I'm sick of feeling alone. And deep down i'm happy. I guess i'm just scared. I can see it taking over my life, my friendships and my relationship. Whats wrong with me?