i am a survior
i was raped. i was molested. i survived it. all of it.
i dont know when saying all of this became so hard. started to tie up my stomach in knotts, make me feel sick and more paniced. or maybe it always did and those times are just hard to remember. somehow in my mind it used to be easier to admit to myself. i am glad and proud of the fact that thoughts of the past dont make me go crazy as much as they once did, totally lay me out on the floor and make me feel like i can't leave my house, but i do feel like i need to just say it to someone. just admit it to show that i am not ashamed of it. yet, when i try, when i want to just say i was raped, or hurt, or anything. just to admit it and prove that it did happen and that i am okay, i can't get the words out. they terrify me.
i feel like i am going to explode
typing it helps but even now i totally want to hide this post. my goal is to leave it open and get over this fear that talking about it brings up. little steps first.
i dont know when saying all of this became so hard. started to tie up my stomach in knotts, make me feel sick and more paniced. or maybe it always did and those times are just hard to remember. somehow in my mind it used to be easier to admit to myself. i am glad and proud of the fact that thoughts of the past dont make me go crazy as much as they once did, totally lay me out on the floor and make me feel like i can't leave my house, but i do feel like i need to just say it to someone. just admit it to show that i am not ashamed of it. yet, when i try, when i want to just say i was raped, or hurt, or anything. just to admit it and prove that it did happen and that i am okay, i can't get the words out. they terrify me.
i feel like i am going to explode
typing it helps but even now i totally want to hide this post. my goal is to leave it open and get over this fear that talking about it brings up. little steps first.