Can I Cry Now? ToraxShou
Title: Can I Cry Now?
Chapters: 1/1
Author: mxtrxofsomer
Genre: angst
Pairing: Tora x Shou
Rating: R
Warnings: angst!
Synopsis: “He sat down, stared at his coffee and left without drinking.”
Notes: I can’t take it anymore. This is the result of my being dramatic these days. Please don’t kill me.
Tora knew that once his secret was out, it would be over for the both of them. He knew that fact like he knew the meaning of the character which symbolizes his name. He understood it like he understood simple hand-written instructions on small pieces of paper posted on the door of the fridge whenever he randomly goes out to run for an errand. He memorized it like how he had memorized every single detail of his sensitive spots while they were making love. Yes, he was aware of all the consequences of his doings. Nevertheless, he could not stop; he could not right what was wrong. He did not have the courage to make amends.
In the first place, how did he end up like this? Nothing was ever wrong and in truth, everything was as good as he would recall. Tora loved him, and there was no questioning that he loved him back. Before he immersed himself in, he was sure that what they were going to have was eternal, not a simple form of entertainment that he could throw away once he gets bored. Tora wasn’t bored and he certainly did not fall out of love; he was actually still crazy in love, with still the same person. So why?
When had this fascination for low string sounds started? He wasn’t even that mesmerized for it wasn’t as pretty as the notes he played, nor was it comparable to the song sung by a bound angel. How? How did it come to the point of having two different lives full of fallacies?
If only he had the answer to these questions, then maybe he could’ve found a way to get out of the predicament he had brought on himself. Perhaps, he wouldn’t be wandering in an abyss, hoping for the floor to claim his corpse. He probably could have restored the small cracks before the concrete was fully destroyed. But now was too late for those maybes. He finally hit the ground he had long been waiting for and that fall created the earthquake which shattered the walls.
At least Tora had one more thing left, regret. It was a delicate poison that started somewhere inside his chest, creeping through his blood vessels, reaching his filthy soul. At least it appeared that he still had a conscience, if that could save him from burning in the depths of his own hell. But remorse, in reality was insignificant for it wouldn’t mean anything big. Change was something Tora was afraid to do but while he kept himself away from it, change itself had found him on his most unguarded moment and this time, it was so cruel.
In the kitchen, the humming of cicadas was the only noise that could be heard. It made Tora feel nauseous, more than trying to bear ear-splitting shouts of several arguments. He could not stop his heart from aching as he watched his beloved sitting at the table, with his head hanging low, anxiously brushing his fingers against a ceramic kitchenware.
“Shou,” he finally called. It was a very faint murmur that Tora was surprised when he did look up from his mug of coffee, meeting Tora’s eyes with his round expectant ones, red from tiredness and something else Tora did not want to know.
“I love you,” he found himself saying instead of untruthful reasons from the many explanations he had woven in his mind.
“I know,” Shou answered, smiling. It was bitter, Shou’s smile was. His lips were both shaking from trying too hard while his eyes shone with droplets of crystal that were stranded in his lashes.
Despite Shou’s heartbreaking state, Tora was frozen and he could not react. He wanted so badly to wrap him in his arms and whisper on his ear words of apology and reassurance as he planted innocent kisses on his cheek. But Tora was far from being innocent and Shou deserved to remain untainted. Tora would only ruin him if he did attempt it.
“I’m going to bed,” Shou hesitantly announced, pushing his cup away and standing up from his seat. Still trembling, he walked to the sink where Tora was leaning. Tiptoeing to reach the difference of their height, Shou kissed the corner of Tora’s mouth, uttering a soft goodnight before disappearing to their room.
Broken. Tora realized how much damage he had done on Shou. It was worse than really losing him.
-----
Endnotes: like what I asked, please don’t kill me if it’s too much. And I know it’s kinda crappy.
Fan Fic Archive
Chapters: 1/1
Author: mxtrxofsomer
Genre: angst
Pairing: Tora x Shou
Rating: R
Warnings: angst!
Synopsis: “He sat down, stared at his coffee and left without drinking.”
Notes: I can’t take it anymore. This is the result of my being dramatic these days. Please don’t kill me.
Tora knew that once his secret was out, it would be over for the both of them. He knew that fact like he knew the meaning of the character which symbolizes his name. He understood it like he understood simple hand-written instructions on small pieces of paper posted on the door of the fridge whenever he randomly goes out to run for an errand. He memorized it like how he had memorized every single detail of his sensitive spots while they were making love. Yes, he was aware of all the consequences of his doings. Nevertheless, he could not stop; he could not right what was wrong. He did not have the courage to make amends.
In the first place, how did he end up like this? Nothing was ever wrong and in truth, everything was as good as he would recall. Tora loved him, and there was no questioning that he loved him back. Before he immersed himself in, he was sure that what they were going to have was eternal, not a simple form of entertainment that he could throw away once he gets bored. Tora wasn’t bored and he certainly did not fall out of love; he was actually still crazy in love, with still the same person. So why?
When had this fascination for low string sounds started? He wasn’t even that mesmerized for it wasn’t as pretty as the notes he played, nor was it comparable to the song sung by a bound angel. How? How did it come to the point of having two different lives full of fallacies?
If only he had the answer to these questions, then maybe he could’ve found a way to get out of the predicament he had brought on himself. Perhaps, he wouldn’t be wandering in an abyss, hoping for the floor to claim his corpse. He probably could have restored the small cracks before the concrete was fully destroyed. But now was too late for those maybes. He finally hit the ground he had long been waiting for and that fall created the earthquake which shattered the walls.
At least Tora had one more thing left, regret. It was a delicate poison that started somewhere inside his chest, creeping through his blood vessels, reaching his filthy soul. At least it appeared that he still had a conscience, if that could save him from burning in the depths of his own hell. But remorse, in reality was insignificant for it wouldn’t mean anything big. Change was something Tora was afraid to do but while he kept himself away from it, change itself had found him on his most unguarded moment and this time, it was so cruel.
In the kitchen, the humming of cicadas was the only noise that could be heard. It made Tora feel nauseous, more than trying to bear ear-splitting shouts of several arguments. He could not stop his heart from aching as he watched his beloved sitting at the table, with his head hanging low, anxiously brushing his fingers against a ceramic kitchenware.
“Shou,” he finally called. It was a very faint murmur that Tora was surprised when he did look up from his mug of coffee, meeting Tora’s eyes with his round expectant ones, red from tiredness and something else Tora did not want to know.
“I love you,” he found himself saying instead of untruthful reasons from the many explanations he had woven in his mind.
“I know,” Shou answered, smiling. It was bitter, Shou’s smile was. His lips were both shaking from trying too hard while his eyes shone with droplets of crystal that were stranded in his lashes.
Despite Shou’s heartbreaking state, Tora was frozen and he could not react. He wanted so badly to wrap him in his arms and whisper on his ear words of apology and reassurance as he planted innocent kisses on his cheek. But Tora was far from being innocent and Shou deserved to remain untainted. Tora would only ruin him if he did attempt it.
“I’m going to bed,” Shou hesitantly announced, pushing his cup away and standing up from his seat. Still trembling, he walked to the sink where Tora was leaning. Tiptoeing to reach the difference of their height, Shou kissed the corner of Tora’s mouth, uttering a soft goodnight before disappearing to their room.
Broken. Tora realized how much damage he had done on Shou. It was worse than really losing him.
-----
Endnotes: like what I asked, please don’t kill me if it’s too much. And I know it’s kinda crappy.
Fan Fic Archive