Fic: The Day the World Changed - Day 14
Title: The Day the World Changed
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for boys who have finally got their act together.
Word Count: 4,005
Prompt: Day 14
Warnings: This is really rather long. I'm sorry. It is also a lot soppier than I would have liked.
Summary: On the day the world changed, they were woken up by a large, black bird flying repeatedly into the dormitory window.
Author's Notes: This is not how I originally intended this to happen. However, I am down in the dumps today and the prompt was so beautiful and they boys decided to do things their way. I take no responsibility for how ridiculously soppy this is. It's cold in Scotland and I can see my breath in my kitchen because we can't afford the heating right now. This was primarily to warm me up.
Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6] [ 7] [ 8] [ 9] [ 10] [ 11] [ 12] [ 13]
On the day the world changed, they were woken up by a large, black bird flying repeatedly into the dormitory window. James, sitting bolt upright suddenly, threw a shoe at Sirius’ bed.
“Padfoot! Let the bloody buzzard in before it breaks the window!”
“Wha?” Sleep-fuzzy, Sirius blinked around the room and jumped when the bird flew into the window again.
“Open the buggering window,” Remus groaned. “Merlin’s soggy pants, what time is it?”
“It’s six bleeding thirty,” James moaned, as Sirius fumbled with the latch. “Who sends post at six thirty in the morning. On a Sunday?”
“My family,” Sirius grumbled, pulling the letter off of the bird’s legs.
“Ugh, seriously? Merlin, what can they want from you? I thought they never wanted to hear from you again.” James had finally found his glasses and pulled them onto his face. He blinked a few times and peered at Sirius curiously.
“They don’t,” Sirius replied, glaring. The bird - which Remus could only describe as a miniature, ugly version of an ostrich - let out a tremendous crow and took off again, taking great care to cuff Sirius around the head with one of his enormous wings. Sirius would have hexed the thing, but his wand was out of reach; he made do with opening the letter with an unnecessary amount of venom.
“What do they want,” James asked, but Sirius didn’t reply, staring stonily at the letter instead. He re-read it several times; Remus tried to crane from his bed to see what the letter was about, but suddenly Sirius was up, throwing the letter on the bed, storming around the room muttering to himself.
“Sirius?” Remus asked, but James shot him a warning look. The two of them watched, helplessly, as the whirlwind that was Sirius pulled his shoes on and stormed out of the room. Waiting a few seconds to make sure he was really gone, James fell out of bed and grabbed the letter where Sirius had left it, scanning it quickly. “James? What is it? What do they say?”
“Fuck,” James whispered. He turned to Remus, his eyes wide behind his glasses. “It’s his uncle.”
“His uncle?”
“Alphard Black. The only one of that whole crazy clan that ever gave a damn about Sirius,” James muttered, reaching up to mess his hair around, a nervous twitch that Remus and Sirius had tried to wean him out of for years, to no avail at all. “He died yesterday.”
“Shit,” Remus cursed vehemently.
“He died, and he left Sirius everything he owned. Oh, bugger.”
Remus blinked, confused. “But... surely... that’s good? That he left Sirius ... things?” James shook his head, rereading the letter carefully.
“He left it to him because he felt bad about him,” he explained quietly to Remus. “You know Sirius hates pity. He only lets my mum and dad put him up because they hexed him until he agreed.”
Remus sighed and frowned. “Hadn’t we better find him? He’ll do himself a harm going off in a huff like that. He didn’t even take his wand.”
“No. Just leave him,” James said, crawling back into bed. “He’ll sort himself out.”
James Potter knew everything there was to know about Sirius Black. They knew things about each other that they hadn’t ever talked about or come close to mentioning - they just knew. Remus had seen it happen so many times; he was well aware that James knew Sirius better than Sirius knew himself. But this time... he didn’t believe James was right at all.
Later that afternoon, Remus slipped away from James and Peter, leaving them to trail Lily to their heart’s content without a buffer (he felt a little guilty about this, but it was for a greater cause). He found the big, black dog curled up with Hagrid’s puppy in the pumpkin patch. It had been Sirius’ safe place since the animagus thing, for reasons Remus had never understood. He approached slowly, opening his rucksack first to let Sirius know he’d brought food, and then when Padfoot did nothing but look at him mournfully with his big grey eyes that were so distinctively Sirius it made Remus’ stomach turn, he knelt down and buried a hand in the thick fur behind big black ears.
“Brought you food,” he said, quietly, taking a big chicken leg out of his bag. Padfoot accepted the food gracefully, gnawing it hungrily, avoiding looking at Remus if he could. Remus sighed and sat down on the cold, but thankfully dry, ground, petting Padfoot’s ears gently. “James said I should leave you alone.” The dog gave no indication of recognition and Remus sighed, skritching down his back some more. “We don’t have to talk about it, you know.” Still no recognition - Remus pulled out another chicken leg and handed it over. “Okay. You play dog. That’s fine. I’m not leaving you alone though. Last time we did that you managed to turn Ravenclaw’s common room into a lake and we had detention for a week.”
There was a small almost snicker-like noise from the dog and Remus smiled. “Come on. We’ll go for a walk, okay? I need to stretch anyways. Too close to the full to be stuck inside.”
They walked to Hogsmeade in silence. It was a remarkably clear and sunny day for a scottish October, and though it was cold, neither of them minded. Padfoot had a ridiculous amount of hair and Remus had bundled up in a big woolen scarf and the black pea coat that Sirius had bought him last Christmas. Usually, Padfoot was hyperactive and impossible to keep track of, but today he plodded along quietly, not even stopping to nose at interesting mushrooms or snap at doormice in the grass.
When they reached the hill near the village, outside of Hogwarts grounds, Remus pulled on the lead and Padfoot sat down at his feet. Kneeling down, Remus put his arms around the furry black neck. “I want to show you something, okay, Pads? But you have to go human again real quick. Just for a minute.”
Padfoot growled, but Remus stroked his ears for a little and eventually the snarl subsided. “Good dog. Come on, Sirius, just for a split second. I can’t show you this when you’re Padfoot.”
There was a sigh and a rustle, like leaves in the wind, and Sirius appeared in front of Remus, who smiled and stood up properly next to him.
“You have to take my hand, okay? And promise, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.”
Sirius nodded, his eyes wary and red-rimmed; Remus took his proffered hand and, before Sirius knew what was happening, turned quickly on the spot.
Sirius blinked. They were ... somewhere completely different. His jaw dropped and he turned to gawp at Remus.
“You... you can apparate,” he exclaimed, pointing a shaky finger at Remus, who bit his lip and flushed.
“Since I was eight,” he said quietly. “Da’ taught me, in case I ever needed to escape from... well.” The word ‘hunters’ hung between them, unspoken, in the air. Sirius reached out and waved it away with his hand.
“Can’t the ministry trace you when you apparate?”
Remus shook his head. “They can only trace wizards. Pure wizards.” Sirius gripped his friend’s hand, but Remus waved him away. “It’s fine. It’s good, actually, means I can apparate without them knowing.”
“You know, I reckon people don’t give you enough credit, you break more rules than the three of us put together on a regular basis. Where are we?”
Sirius looked around himself, appreciating the beauty of this place. It was a long, tree-lined avenue; the leaves of the tall trees were every color from red, through yellow and orange, all the way to brown. In the early evening light, the white stones of the path were tinged gold. It wasn’t as cold, here, as it had been in Hogwarts, and the air tasted different on his tongue.
“This is my safe place,” Remus said, quietly, shrugging. “I just figured you might want to... get away. Breathe. Somewhere that wasn’t Hogwarts.”
Looking around again, Sirius let a small smile creep up on him. He felt warmth in his stomach; the air around them sparkled and it was not lost on him that Remus looked resplendent in this light, in this place. He didn’t say anything, though, because even here, in this place where nothing bad could ever happen as long as the trees were still standing, the melee of emptiness, anger, grief and loss was still milling in his stomach and pressing on his vocal chords.
“Where...” he croaked, desperate to say something, because the perfect silence was strange to him. “Where are we though? It... tastes different.” Sirius knew that Remus, oddly canine in his own way, would know just what he meant.
“Um...” Suddenly Remus looked sheepish, was biting a lip to keep back a smirk. “Now, don’t freak out. It’s... well... we’re about a hundred miles outside of Philadelphia.”
“Philadelphia,” Sirius repeated, his jaw dropping once again. “You brought me to America?”
Remus nodded, smiling a little at him. “I just... thought that you would want to get as far away as you could. My Da’ - when I was younger, he taught me to come here if I was ever in danger. It’s really the middle of nowhere, and now... it’s the only place other than Hogwarts that I feel ... happy.”
“Remus,” Sirius breathed, and Remus’ stomach flipped in place. He took a steadying breath and then sat down on the leaf-covered ground, motioning for Sirius to join him.
They sat in silence for a long time, the only noise the quiet breeze in the leaves, and those selfsame leaves skittering across the floor.
“I don’t want his money,” Sirius finally said, quietly, his knees drawn up against his chest. “I never wanted his money.”
The quiet, forlorn voice pulled at Remus’ heartstrings and he found his hand flying out to rest on Sirius’ knee, squeezing a little.
“I hardly knew him, you know. My parents didn’t approve of him. But... he always checked on us. Made sure... made sure they weren’t causing any lasting damage. He ... he offered to take me in, you know, last year.”
“I didn’t know,” Remus said. He noticed, suddenly, that his hand was on Sirius’, and he moved it quickly; he didn’t know what to make of the small noise that Sirius made in his throat when he did. “Sirius, he obviously just wanted you to be okay,” he continued gently. Sirius huffed and turned his face away, fumbling in a pocket for his cigarettes. Remus supplied him with one of his own, giving Sirius his wand back in the process.
“Thanks, Remus.”
They sat in silence some more, and the smoke from their cigarettes twined together over their heads.
“Alphard was gay,” Sirius said, conversationally. Remus’ head spun to look at him, but Sirius kept staring straight ahead. “He was shacked up with a bloke, they lived together in a flat somewhere in London. That’s why my parents hated him so much; they called him all these horrible names when he came up in conversation. I really liked Aiden, though. He always brought me fizzing whizzbees when I had to stay with Uncle Alphard because my parents couldn’t find a different babysitter.”
“Seems like a nice man.”
“He was. Died a few years back. Some horrible accident. Alphard’s... never been the same since. Reckon he was just looking for excuses to go find Aiden, really.”
Fumbling in his pocket for another cigarette, Remus suddenly realized that Sirius was staring at him.
“What? Have I got something on my face?”
Sirius shook his head, the strange look in his eyes chased away suddenly, and he put his cigarette back to his lips.
They finished their cigarettes in silence, and the sun was setting before Remus stood up, shivering.
“We ought to get back, James will probably be covered in boils by now. I left him with Evans.” Sirius nodded, sighing as he stood up. Remus walked down the path a little, back to where they had appeared, but stopped short when Sirius’ hand flung out to grab his.
“Remus... I ...”
A shiver ran through Remus’ spine as he met Sirius’ eyes, deep grey and intense. They stood like that, staring, for a few seconds that felt to Remus like hours. His skin was on fire and every atom in his body was aching with yearning. It looked to him like Sirius’ mind was racing, and he didn’t understand what was going on.
“What? Sirius? Are you okay?”
Sirius shook his head, but his eyes were still locked on Remus’. “No... I... fine... just...” But then he made a small noise in his throat, a whimper that sounded like a sound Padfoot would make, and before Remus could blink Sirius had grabbed his face with both of his hands and was kissing him desperately.
Shocked and terrified, Remus stood stock still, manfully refraining from whimpering with want and confusion, until Sirius broke free after a few torturously long seconds. He was gasping and his eyes were grey like fire, burning like Remus had never seen them burn, and Remus didn’t think it had anything to do with the sunset reflecting in his eyes.
“Fuck, shit, sorry,” Sirius gasped, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “That... I didn’t mean...”
The tiny, treacherous bubble of hope that had built somewhere around Remus’ sternum burst with a resounding pop. “Don’t worry, Pads, it’s... fine. Strange, but fine. You’re upset. I’m here. It’s fine.”
“No, shut up. I mean, yes, I’m upset, but no, that’s... that’s not the point,” Sirius said vehemently, pacing. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “I... I was going to... It... There was a plan, and now I’ve fucked it all up. Arse buggering fuck.”
“A plan?” Remus’ eyebrow arched, and Sirius nodded, fighting desperately with himself not to burst out into hysterical laughter.
“James and I. We came up with a plan. He gave it a ridiculous name and... and it was going to work and... This is not... it’s just not fair!”
“What... what’s not fair?” Remus felt faint; he imagined he sounded that way too. He had absolutely no idea what was going on, and Sirius’ pacing and frantic words were starting to scare him.
“This... you... You brought me here to this... this beautiful place and you were doing everything right and gods, Remus, do you even know how amazing you look in that coat and in this light... your hair, Merlin, you look ... well... beautiful, like Autumn, gods why can’t I stop saying that, and I couldn’t... but I had a plan, and this is not what I should be doing today but I can’t help it..”
Remus couldn’t feel his legs. He wasn’t sure he could see properly, either, and his heart was beating at a pace that could not be entirely healthy.
“What... I ... what?” He looked at Sirius helplessly and caught Sirius looking at him, again, with that fire, and those eyes, and he was sure his stomach was somewhere around his feet, and he couldn’t breathe, and he really didn’t understand, but suddenly Sirius’ hands were on his face again, and Sirius’ forehead was pressed against his and his nose too and then Remus closed his eyes and Sirius’ lips were against his again, slower this time, and softer, and suddenly Remus’ brain started working again. He gasped for air and found his arms and used them to push Sirius away.
“No, no, stop, Sirius, it’s not ... you can’t... I’m not a toy, Sirius” he managed to get out, finally. “I’m not a toy that you can just... just because I’m gay... and you... you’re my... it’s just ... you’re upset but this is not how to distract yourself...”
“Shut up, shut UP, Remus Lupin, you great big glumbumble,” Sirius cursed, coming back into Remus’ personal space, eyes burning and chest heaving. “You’re not listening.”
“No, you’re not listening, Sirius. Great, you want to experiment, that’s amazing, I’m sure the gay community will welcome you with open arms and wide, wide open mouths, but I won’t be your plaything. I won’t. It’s not fair.”
“I don’t want you to be my experiment,” Sirius said, and his infernally large, strong hands were back on Remus’ cheek and Remus couldn’t look away, not even if he tried. “Remus, please, please understand what I’m trying to tell you.”
“You’re not... saying anything, Pads, all you’re doing is kissing me and it’s ... you’re... Merlin, Pads, I’ve wanted you for so long but I won’t, I won’t let you do thi...” Sirius silenced him with another kiss.
“Shut up, I love you, okay, shut up,” he breathed, hot and heavy against Remus’ lips.
“But you like girls,” Remus said, desperately. His heart felt like it might give out; his knees were jelly. “I’m not a girl.”
“I know. Doesn’t matter. Don’t care,” Sirius replied, punctuating his each word with a kiss.
“This... this makes no sense.”
“I know. Doesn’t matter. Don’t care.” There were more kisses, to his lips and his cheeks and his nose, and Remus couldn’t stop himself from melting into Sirius’ arms.
“Sirius, stop, please, it’s not... you know I can’t say no to you and it’s not fair, it’s really not fair.”
But Sirius just shook his head and his arms snaked around Remus’ waist, pressing their foreheads together and breathing quietly. Remus drank in the feeling of the boys’ arms around him and suddenly his hands were tangled in Sirius’ hair.
“The thing is,” Sirius said quietly, “my world has revolved around you since I was 11. It just took me a while to realize how much... and why.” Remus thought he might be drowning in the grey fire of Sirius’ eyes, and he had no idea how he was going to get free.
“You have to be kidding me,” Remus declared, approaching hysteria with terrifying rapidity. “Or, alternatively, I splinched myself when we apparated and this is actually a hallucination. Or ... OUCH! You madman! What was that for?” Sirius grinned at him, having pinched him hard in the arm.
“Not kidding, Moony. One hundred percent serious. As always. I guess this is a little out of the blue for you, huh?”
“Not really what I expected from today, no.” Remus’ voice was distressingly high. “Sirius, please, if this is some horrible joke you have to tell me now because... because it’s really... it’s just not fair, and I don’t think I can take it if you’re kidding.”
Sirius just shrugged, pressing another kiss to Remus’ lips, breathing him in deeply. But he was smiling and his eyes lit up and when they turned to beam at Remus his knees went weak. “Kissing you is like a thousand times better than I thought it would be,” he said quietly, pushing a strand of hair out of Remus’ eyes.
“You... you thought about it?”
He nodded, biting at his bottom lip. It looked sore; Remus wanted with every ounce of himself to kiss it better. “I ... I’m not kidding, Remus, I’m really not.”
“You have no idea how much I want to believe you, Sirius, but... this... it makes no sense.”
Sirius let out a rending groan of frustration and pulled himself away from Remus’ arms, leaving Remus feeling distressingly empty.
“You want the whole story? Okay. Here’s the whole story. Two weeks ago, James and I found a mirror, up in the Room of Requirement, and it shows your heart’s greatest desire. He saw himself and Lily and kid and a white picket fence, and I saw you, Remus. You, and me, and you were holding my hand and kissing me and it looked... well... bloody amazing, is how it looked, and I swear I didn’t know myself til then. And James knew, he knew. And then in potions... the amortentia... mine smelled of books and ink and skele-gro, Remus, it smelled like you. I’m not making this up, and I thought I was going crazy but I... can’t ignore this. I don’t want to ignore this and I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl or a werewolf or... I don’t care as long as it’s you.”
When Sirius stopped talking, he was red in the face and gasping for breath. Remus stood slightly down the path from him, staring and trembling.
“Remus?” The other boy looked shy, now, and worried, and every bone of Remus’ body ached to believe him.
“I... Gods, Sirius... this... I...”
“Look,” Sirius breathed, running a hand through his glorious, black hair, glinting gold in the sunlight. “I don’t care if you’re not... in love... with me, or whatever, that’s not... it’s a big word and this is all a little ridiculous ... I just... can’t you give me, us, a chance? Because I think... I hope... that this could be, you know, good. With us.”
“Sirius,” Remus breathed, daring to hope against all his better instincts. He fumbled for the words to sum up the whirlwind of feelings he was experiencing, failing miserably. “It’s... I’ve... I... it’s always been you, you daft pup. How could it be anyone else?”
When Sirius grinned at him, it was like the sun, dazzling and bright, and this time when Sirius’ hands reached out for him, he let himself be pulled forward into a kiss that took his breath away. It was insistent but tender, firm but loving, and when Sirius’ tongue brushed up against his mouth, Remus let him in without any more doubts. His hands tangled in Sirius’ long hair, so like Padfoot’s to the touch it was remarkable, but then, how could Sirius have taken any other form, and when Sirius grinned into the kiss it made Remus’ heart soar.
They kissed hungrily for what felt like hours but which Remus knew could only have been a few minutes before tapering into soft kisses among smiles and happy laughs. Sirius’ hands were back on the sides of his face again, but this time Remus was smiling.
“James is going to kill himself laughing at us,” Sirius commented, quietly, finishing his sentence with a soft kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth. “And I actually don’t give a jarvey’s arse.”
“This is ridiculous. You’re meant to be upset. All I wanted to do was take you somewhere with space to breathe in.”
“I know for a fact that Uncle Alphard doesn’t mind at all. In fact, I’m fairly sure he’s pretty chuffed.”
“We... should get back,” Remus said, ruefully, letting himself press a kiss to the lips he’d coveted for longer than he cared to remember. Sirius nodded, pushing his hair behind his ears.
“This is a beautiful place, but I think I’m ready to go back to Hogwarts. I think I’ll be able to breathe again now. And hey, did I mention, I’m rich again?” Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’ and squeezed gently. Remus just smiled, feeling on top of the world, and apparated them home.
Author: xkeijukainenx
Recipient: All of you lovelies
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for boys who have finally got their act together.
Word Count: 4,005
Prompt: Day 14
Warnings: This is really rather long. I'm sorry. It is also a lot soppier than I would have liked.
Summary: On the day the world changed, they were woken up by a large, black bird flying repeatedly into the dormitory window.
Author's Notes: This is not how I originally intended this to happen. However, I am down in the dumps today and the prompt was so beautiful and they boys decided to do things their way. I take no responsibility for how ridiculously soppy this is. It's cold in Scotland and I can see my breath in my kitchen because we can't afford the heating right now. This was primarily to warm me up.
Could be a standalone, but in line with the rest of my October tales.
[ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5] [ 6] [ 7] [ 8] [ 9] [ 10] [ 11] [ 12] [ 13]
On the day the world changed, they were woken up by a large, black bird flying repeatedly into the dormitory window. James, sitting bolt upright suddenly, threw a shoe at Sirius’ bed.
“Padfoot! Let the bloody buzzard in before it breaks the window!”
“Wha?” Sleep-fuzzy, Sirius blinked around the room and jumped when the bird flew into the window again.
“Open the buggering window,” Remus groaned. “Merlin’s soggy pants, what time is it?”
“It’s six bleeding thirty,” James moaned, as Sirius fumbled with the latch. “Who sends post at six thirty in the morning. On a Sunday?”
“My family,” Sirius grumbled, pulling the letter off of the bird’s legs.
“Ugh, seriously? Merlin, what can they want from you? I thought they never wanted to hear from you again.” James had finally found his glasses and pulled them onto his face. He blinked a few times and peered at Sirius curiously.
“They don’t,” Sirius replied, glaring. The bird - which Remus could only describe as a miniature, ugly version of an ostrich - let out a tremendous crow and took off again, taking great care to cuff Sirius around the head with one of his enormous wings. Sirius would have hexed the thing, but his wand was out of reach; he made do with opening the letter with an unnecessary amount of venom.
“What do they want,” James asked, but Sirius didn’t reply, staring stonily at the letter instead. He re-read it several times; Remus tried to crane from his bed to see what the letter was about, but suddenly Sirius was up, throwing the letter on the bed, storming around the room muttering to himself.
“Sirius?” Remus asked, but James shot him a warning look. The two of them watched, helplessly, as the whirlwind that was Sirius pulled his shoes on and stormed out of the room. Waiting a few seconds to make sure he was really gone, James fell out of bed and grabbed the letter where Sirius had left it, scanning it quickly. “James? What is it? What do they say?”
“Fuck,” James whispered. He turned to Remus, his eyes wide behind his glasses. “It’s his uncle.”
“His uncle?”
“Alphard Black. The only one of that whole crazy clan that ever gave a damn about Sirius,” James muttered, reaching up to mess his hair around, a nervous twitch that Remus and Sirius had tried to wean him out of for years, to no avail at all. “He died yesterday.”
“Shit,” Remus cursed vehemently.
“He died, and he left Sirius everything he owned. Oh, bugger.”
Remus blinked, confused. “But... surely... that’s good? That he left Sirius ... things?” James shook his head, rereading the letter carefully.
“He left it to him because he felt bad about him,” he explained quietly to Remus. “You know Sirius hates pity. He only lets my mum and dad put him up because they hexed him until he agreed.”
Remus sighed and frowned. “Hadn’t we better find him? He’ll do himself a harm going off in a huff like that. He didn’t even take his wand.”
“No. Just leave him,” James said, crawling back into bed. “He’ll sort himself out.”
James Potter knew everything there was to know about Sirius Black. They knew things about each other that they hadn’t ever talked about or come close to mentioning - they just knew. Remus had seen it happen so many times; he was well aware that James knew Sirius better than Sirius knew himself. But this time... he didn’t believe James was right at all.
Later that afternoon, Remus slipped away from James and Peter, leaving them to trail Lily to their heart’s content without a buffer (he felt a little guilty about this, but it was for a greater cause). He found the big, black dog curled up with Hagrid’s puppy in the pumpkin patch. It had been Sirius’ safe place since the animagus thing, for reasons Remus had never understood. He approached slowly, opening his rucksack first to let Sirius know he’d brought food, and then when Padfoot did nothing but look at him mournfully with his big grey eyes that were so distinctively Sirius it made Remus’ stomach turn, he knelt down and buried a hand in the thick fur behind big black ears.
“Brought you food,” he said, quietly, taking a big chicken leg out of his bag. Padfoot accepted the food gracefully, gnawing it hungrily, avoiding looking at Remus if he could. Remus sighed and sat down on the cold, but thankfully dry, ground, petting Padfoot’s ears gently. “James said I should leave you alone.” The dog gave no indication of recognition and Remus sighed, skritching down his back some more. “We don’t have to talk about it, you know.” Still no recognition - Remus pulled out another chicken leg and handed it over. “Okay. You play dog. That’s fine. I’m not leaving you alone though. Last time we did that you managed to turn Ravenclaw’s common room into a lake and we had detention for a week.”
There was a small almost snicker-like noise from the dog and Remus smiled. “Come on. We’ll go for a walk, okay? I need to stretch anyways. Too close to the full to be stuck inside.”
They walked to Hogsmeade in silence. It was a remarkably clear and sunny day for a scottish October, and though it was cold, neither of them minded. Padfoot had a ridiculous amount of hair and Remus had bundled up in a big woolen scarf and the black pea coat that Sirius had bought him last Christmas. Usually, Padfoot was hyperactive and impossible to keep track of, but today he plodded along quietly, not even stopping to nose at interesting mushrooms or snap at doormice in the grass.
When they reached the hill near the village, outside of Hogwarts grounds, Remus pulled on the lead and Padfoot sat down at his feet. Kneeling down, Remus put his arms around the furry black neck. “I want to show you something, okay, Pads? But you have to go human again real quick. Just for a minute.”
Padfoot growled, but Remus stroked his ears for a little and eventually the snarl subsided. “Good dog. Come on, Sirius, just for a split second. I can’t show you this when you’re Padfoot.”
There was a sigh and a rustle, like leaves in the wind, and Sirius appeared in front of Remus, who smiled and stood up properly next to him.
“You have to take my hand, okay? And promise, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.”
Sirius nodded, his eyes wary and red-rimmed; Remus took his proffered hand and, before Sirius knew what was happening, turned quickly on the spot.
Sirius blinked. They were ... somewhere completely different. His jaw dropped and he turned to gawp at Remus.
“You... you can apparate,” he exclaimed, pointing a shaky finger at Remus, who bit his lip and flushed.
“Since I was eight,” he said quietly. “Da’ taught me, in case I ever needed to escape from... well.” The word ‘hunters’ hung between them, unspoken, in the air. Sirius reached out and waved it away with his hand.
“Can’t the ministry trace you when you apparate?”
Remus shook his head. “They can only trace wizards. Pure wizards.” Sirius gripped his friend’s hand, but Remus waved him away. “It’s fine. It’s good, actually, means I can apparate without them knowing.”
“You know, I reckon people don’t give you enough credit, you break more rules than the three of us put together on a regular basis. Where are we?”
Sirius looked around himself, appreciating the beauty of this place. It was a long, tree-lined avenue; the leaves of the tall trees were every color from red, through yellow and orange, all the way to brown. In the early evening light, the white stones of the path were tinged gold. It wasn’t as cold, here, as it had been in Hogwarts, and the air tasted different on his tongue.
“This is my safe place,” Remus said, quietly, shrugging. “I just figured you might want to... get away. Breathe. Somewhere that wasn’t Hogwarts.”
Looking around again, Sirius let a small smile creep up on him. He felt warmth in his stomach; the air around them sparkled and it was not lost on him that Remus looked resplendent in this light, in this place. He didn’t say anything, though, because even here, in this place where nothing bad could ever happen as long as the trees were still standing, the melee of emptiness, anger, grief and loss was still milling in his stomach and pressing on his vocal chords.
“Where...” he croaked, desperate to say something, because the perfect silence was strange to him. “Where are we though? It... tastes different.” Sirius knew that Remus, oddly canine in his own way, would know just what he meant.
“Um...” Suddenly Remus looked sheepish, was biting a lip to keep back a smirk. “Now, don’t freak out. It’s... well... we’re about a hundred miles outside of Philadelphia.”
“Philadelphia,” Sirius repeated, his jaw dropping once again. “You brought me to America?”
Remus nodded, smiling a little at him. “I just... thought that you would want to get as far away as you could. My Da’ - when I was younger, he taught me to come here if I was ever in danger. It’s really the middle of nowhere, and now... it’s the only place other than Hogwarts that I feel ... happy.”
“Remus,” Sirius breathed, and Remus’ stomach flipped in place. He took a steadying breath and then sat down on the leaf-covered ground, motioning for Sirius to join him.
They sat in silence for a long time, the only noise the quiet breeze in the leaves, and those selfsame leaves skittering across the floor.
“I don’t want his money,” Sirius finally said, quietly, his knees drawn up against his chest. “I never wanted his money.”
The quiet, forlorn voice pulled at Remus’ heartstrings and he found his hand flying out to rest on Sirius’ knee, squeezing a little.
“I hardly knew him, you know. My parents didn’t approve of him. But... he always checked on us. Made sure... made sure they weren’t causing any lasting damage. He ... he offered to take me in, you know, last year.”
“I didn’t know,” Remus said. He noticed, suddenly, that his hand was on Sirius’, and he moved it quickly; he didn’t know what to make of the small noise that Sirius made in his throat when he did. “Sirius, he obviously just wanted you to be okay,” he continued gently. Sirius huffed and turned his face away, fumbling in a pocket for his cigarettes. Remus supplied him with one of his own, giving Sirius his wand back in the process.
“Thanks, Remus.”
They sat in silence some more, and the smoke from their cigarettes twined together over their heads.
“Alphard was gay,” Sirius said, conversationally. Remus’ head spun to look at him, but Sirius kept staring straight ahead. “He was shacked up with a bloke, they lived together in a flat somewhere in London. That’s why my parents hated him so much; they called him all these horrible names when he came up in conversation. I really liked Aiden, though. He always brought me fizzing whizzbees when I had to stay with Uncle Alphard because my parents couldn’t find a different babysitter.”
“Seems like a nice man.”
“He was. Died a few years back. Some horrible accident. Alphard’s... never been the same since. Reckon he was just looking for excuses to go find Aiden, really.”
Fumbling in his pocket for another cigarette, Remus suddenly realized that Sirius was staring at him.
“What? Have I got something on my face?”
Sirius shook his head, the strange look in his eyes chased away suddenly, and he put his cigarette back to his lips.
They finished their cigarettes in silence, and the sun was setting before Remus stood up, shivering.
“We ought to get back, James will probably be covered in boils by now. I left him with Evans.” Sirius nodded, sighing as he stood up. Remus walked down the path a little, back to where they had appeared, but stopped short when Sirius’ hand flung out to grab his.
“Remus... I ...”
A shiver ran through Remus’ spine as he met Sirius’ eyes, deep grey and intense. They stood like that, staring, for a few seconds that felt to Remus like hours. His skin was on fire and every atom in his body was aching with yearning. It looked to him like Sirius’ mind was racing, and he didn’t understand what was going on.
“What? Sirius? Are you okay?”
Sirius shook his head, but his eyes were still locked on Remus’. “No... I... fine... just...” But then he made a small noise in his throat, a whimper that sounded like a sound Padfoot would make, and before Remus could blink Sirius had grabbed his face with both of his hands and was kissing him desperately.
Shocked and terrified, Remus stood stock still, manfully refraining from whimpering with want and confusion, until Sirius broke free after a few torturously long seconds. He was gasping and his eyes were grey like fire, burning like Remus had never seen them burn, and Remus didn’t think it had anything to do with the sunset reflecting in his eyes.
“Fuck, shit, sorry,” Sirius gasped, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “That... I didn’t mean...”
The tiny, treacherous bubble of hope that had built somewhere around Remus’ sternum burst with a resounding pop. “Don’t worry, Pads, it’s... fine. Strange, but fine. You’re upset. I’m here. It’s fine.”
“No, shut up. I mean, yes, I’m upset, but no, that’s... that’s not the point,” Sirius said vehemently, pacing. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “I... I was going to... It... There was a plan, and now I’ve fucked it all up. Arse buggering fuck.”
“A plan?” Remus’ eyebrow arched, and Sirius nodded, fighting desperately with himself not to burst out into hysterical laughter.
“James and I. We came up with a plan. He gave it a ridiculous name and... and it was going to work and... This is not... it’s just not fair!”
“What... what’s not fair?” Remus felt faint; he imagined he sounded that way too. He had absolutely no idea what was going on, and Sirius’ pacing and frantic words were starting to scare him.
“This... you... You brought me here to this... this beautiful place and you were doing everything right and gods, Remus, do you even know how amazing you look in that coat and in this light... your hair, Merlin, you look ... well... beautiful, like Autumn, gods why can’t I stop saying that, and I couldn’t... but I had a plan, and this is not what I should be doing today but I can’t help it..”
Remus couldn’t feel his legs. He wasn’t sure he could see properly, either, and his heart was beating at a pace that could not be entirely healthy.
“What... I ... what?” He looked at Sirius helplessly and caught Sirius looking at him, again, with that fire, and those eyes, and he was sure his stomach was somewhere around his feet, and he couldn’t breathe, and he really didn’t understand, but suddenly Sirius’ hands were on his face again, and Sirius’ forehead was pressed against his and his nose too and then Remus closed his eyes and Sirius’ lips were against his again, slower this time, and softer, and suddenly Remus’ brain started working again. He gasped for air and found his arms and used them to push Sirius away.
“No, no, stop, Sirius, it’s not ... you can’t... I’m not a toy, Sirius” he managed to get out, finally. “I’m not a toy that you can just... just because I’m gay... and you... you’re my... it’s just ... you’re upset but this is not how to distract yourself...”
“Shut up, shut UP, Remus Lupin, you great big glumbumble,” Sirius cursed, coming back into Remus’ personal space, eyes burning and chest heaving. “You’re not listening.”
“No, you’re not listening, Sirius. Great, you want to experiment, that’s amazing, I’m sure the gay community will welcome you with open arms and wide, wide open mouths, but I won’t be your plaything. I won’t. It’s not fair.”
“I don’t want you to be my experiment,” Sirius said, and his infernally large, strong hands were back on Remus’ cheek and Remus couldn’t look away, not even if he tried. “Remus, please, please understand what I’m trying to tell you.”
“You’re not... saying anything, Pads, all you’re doing is kissing me and it’s ... you’re... Merlin, Pads, I’ve wanted you for so long but I won’t, I won’t let you do thi...” Sirius silenced him with another kiss.
“Shut up, I love you, okay, shut up,” he breathed, hot and heavy against Remus’ lips.
“But you like girls,” Remus said, desperately. His heart felt like it might give out; his knees were jelly. “I’m not a girl.”
“I know. Doesn’t matter. Don’t care,” Sirius replied, punctuating his each word with a kiss.
“This... this makes no sense.”
“I know. Doesn’t matter. Don’t care.” There were more kisses, to his lips and his cheeks and his nose, and Remus couldn’t stop himself from melting into Sirius’ arms.
“Sirius, stop, please, it’s not... you know I can’t say no to you and it’s not fair, it’s really not fair.”
But Sirius just shook his head and his arms snaked around Remus’ waist, pressing their foreheads together and breathing quietly. Remus drank in the feeling of the boys’ arms around him and suddenly his hands were tangled in Sirius’ hair.
“The thing is,” Sirius said quietly, “my world has revolved around you since I was 11. It just took me a while to realize how much... and why.” Remus thought he might be drowning in the grey fire of Sirius’ eyes, and he had no idea how he was going to get free.
“You have to be kidding me,” Remus declared, approaching hysteria with terrifying rapidity. “Or, alternatively, I splinched myself when we apparated and this is actually a hallucination. Or ... OUCH! You madman! What was that for?” Sirius grinned at him, having pinched him hard in the arm.
“Not kidding, Moony. One hundred percent serious. As always. I guess this is a little out of the blue for you, huh?”
“Not really what I expected from today, no.” Remus’ voice was distressingly high. “Sirius, please, if this is some horrible joke you have to tell me now because... because it’s really... it’s just not fair, and I don’t think I can take it if you’re kidding.”
Sirius just shrugged, pressing another kiss to Remus’ lips, breathing him in deeply. But he was smiling and his eyes lit up and when they turned to beam at Remus his knees went weak. “Kissing you is like a thousand times better than I thought it would be,” he said quietly, pushing a strand of hair out of Remus’ eyes.
“You... you thought about it?”
He nodded, biting at his bottom lip. It looked sore; Remus wanted with every ounce of himself to kiss it better. “I ... I’m not kidding, Remus, I’m really not.”
“You have no idea how much I want to believe you, Sirius, but... this... it makes no sense.”
Sirius let out a rending groan of frustration and pulled himself away from Remus’ arms, leaving Remus feeling distressingly empty.
“You want the whole story? Okay. Here’s the whole story. Two weeks ago, James and I found a mirror, up in the Room of Requirement, and it shows your heart’s greatest desire. He saw himself and Lily and kid and a white picket fence, and I saw you, Remus. You, and me, and you were holding my hand and kissing me and it looked... well... bloody amazing, is how it looked, and I swear I didn’t know myself til then. And James knew, he knew. And then in potions... the amortentia... mine smelled of books and ink and skele-gro, Remus, it smelled like you. I’m not making this up, and I thought I was going crazy but I... can’t ignore this. I don’t want to ignore this and I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl or a werewolf or... I don’t care as long as it’s you.”
When Sirius stopped talking, he was red in the face and gasping for breath. Remus stood slightly down the path from him, staring and trembling.
“Remus?” The other boy looked shy, now, and worried, and every bone of Remus’ body ached to believe him.
“I... Gods, Sirius... this... I...”
“Look,” Sirius breathed, running a hand through his glorious, black hair, glinting gold in the sunlight. “I don’t care if you’re not... in love... with me, or whatever, that’s not... it’s a big word and this is all a little ridiculous ... I just... can’t you give me, us, a chance? Because I think... I hope... that this could be, you know, good. With us.”
“Sirius,” Remus breathed, daring to hope against all his better instincts. He fumbled for the words to sum up the whirlwind of feelings he was experiencing, failing miserably. “It’s... I’ve... I... it’s always been you, you daft pup. How could it be anyone else?”
When Sirius grinned at him, it was like the sun, dazzling and bright, and this time when Sirius’ hands reached out for him, he let himself be pulled forward into a kiss that took his breath away. It was insistent but tender, firm but loving, and when Sirius’ tongue brushed up against his mouth, Remus let him in without any more doubts. His hands tangled in Sirius’ long hair, so like Padfoot’s to the touch it was remarkable, but then, how could Sirius have taken any other form, and when Sirius grinned into the kiss it made Remus’ heart soar.
They kissed hungrily for what felt like hours but which Remus knew could only have been a few minutes before tapering into soft kisses among smiles and happy laughs. Sirius’ hands were back on the sides of his face again, but this time Remus was smiling.
“James is going to kill himself laughing at us,” Sirius commented, quietly, finishing his sentence with a soft kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth. “And I actually don’t give a jarvey’s arse.”
“This is ridiculous. You’re meant to be upset. All I wanted to do was take you somewhere with space to breathe in.”
“I know for a fact that Uncle Alphard doesn’t mind at all. In fact, I’m fairly sure he’s pretty chuffed.”
“We... should get back,” Remus said, ruefully, letting himself press a kiss to the lips he’d coveted for longer than he cared to remember. Sirius nodded, pushing his hair behind his ears.
“This is a beautiful place, but I think I’m ready to go back to Hogwarts. I think I’ll be able to breathe again now. And hey, did I mention, I’m rich again?” Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’ and squeezed gently. Remus just smiled, feeling on top of the world, and apparated them home.