Lost in Time - part 2
Title: Lost in Time - part 2
Genre: crossover Torchwood/ Brokeback Mountain: canon for TW, au for BBM
Word count: ~11350 in total
Pairing: Canon pairings
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers for Torchwood: set probably early in season 2, but parallels to “Out of time” 01x10 are not entirely coincidental
Warnings: swearing
Summary: Team Torchwood rushes to another rift anomaly that brought along something from the past. Two cowboys for whom a trip to the middle of nowhere took an unexpected turn. Ennis' POV.
Disclaimer: Oh, you know - I don't own neither Brokeback Mountain nor Torchwood nor do I claim any rights to one of them. All creative rights to the characters belong to BBC and Focus and their original creators RTD and AP. I won‘t make any profit with this story.
Thanks to chamilet and musicandjason for the beta work.
Lost in Time
<< Part 1
Part 2
Thirty minutes later they drove through the center of this enormous city. At least it felt enormous to Ennis. Then the busy part gave way to much greener areas. When they continued over a bridge he could see water on both sides, wider to his left, boats bobbing up and down like small white toys in the bay. Too soon they’d crossed the mouth of the river, as Ianto had explained, and finally the car turned onto a wide parking lot.
“Holy shit!!”
Ennis stood rooted to the spot after he’d climbed out of the car.
“What … is this?”
“It’s a shopping center.” Jack was obviously more unflustered.
“It’s huge.”
“Yep.”
“You had those in Texas?”
“No, not that big, but they got bigger lately.”
He then answered Ennis' unspoken question of ‘How do you know, then?’ with “It said ‘Welcome to Asda Cardiff Bay Shopping Centre’ on the sign at the entrance of the parking lot.”
He grinned.
Ianto had watched the exchange quietly. “You know, to me it’s an absolutely American thing, shopping malls and that. It’s funny that you wouldn’t know it.”
“So, let’s go explore!” Jack started with wide strides to the glass front, big green letters probably marking the entrance. The masses of people streaming into the same direction were obviously a clue as well.
When they came closer the doors slid open miraculously. Again Ennis stared in disbelief.
“Automatic doors,” Ianto explained. “Another miracle of modern times. They always seem to make time travellers wonder. And just so that you’ll be prepared there will be automatic moving stairs as well.”
“I know these,” Ennis snapped back.
Jack turned around. “You do?”
“Well, you obviously do too.” That shut Jack up.
Ianto looked questioningly at him.
“TV,” was the short answer.
There was low music adding to the incredible soundscape, huge colourful displays everywhere, screaming for his attention in the most unusual and flashy ways. Exotic fruits he’d never seen let alone tasted were offered next to some he actually knew, but the amounts were sheer unbelievable.
Every new aisle, every new shelf was presenting something to surprise him, to make him wonder. Or to shock him. As when his eyes fell on the section with erotic magazines and the naked cover girls. Naked - for everyone to see! Ianto had watched him silently, grabbed one magazine from a higher display and handed it to him without a comment. It said ‘attitude’ in big letters, though his eyes were distracted by a hunky guy posing in nothing but swimming trunks on the glossy front page. He remembered going swimming with Jack, stark naked, and he felt a warm blush creeping up his neck as well as a warm rush in his loins. He quickly handed the magazine back without a second glance.
Ianto took it, considered for a moment, staring at the cover, before he put it back in its place. “Just wanted to let you know …” he mumbled before he walked down the aisle towards Jack.
Ennis looked puzzled at the magazine again. This time not only watching the young guy but actually reading some of what was written there. And the headlines on the cover clearly pointed out the target audience. One subtitle even read gay and sex in one sentence. Embarrassed and enraged he turned around, checking if anyone had seen him looking at it. How could Ianto hand him something like this? But then Ennis understood. Ianto had wanted to let him know it really was ok. They were selling magazines for each bias and liking. He spotted sports and travel and cooking and cars and numerous other ones he couldn’t even identify. And erotic magazines. In supermarkets. For … queers! He shook his head and hurried to catch up with Jack and Ianto.
They got toiletries as Ianto had suggested as well as some clothes to change and some food. In one section he had happily spotted a stack of canned ‘Baked beans’. Finally something he knew! He had already lifted his hand to grab one of these familiar items when he heard Jack’s voice close by.
“Don’t even think about it.”
He turned around. “Huh?”
“You’re not going to buy beans, are you?? Are you nuts?? This is Shopping Paradise.”
“But they're at special offer.”
“I don’t care. No. More. Beans. - not here. Not if I can help it!!”
Ennis shrugged reluctantly and gave in, silently wondering if Jack was considering shooting a sheep again. He smiled inwardly.
Nearing the cashier they came along the cigarettes. Jack was the first to grab some packs, staring at the upper most one in disbelief. Holding it out to Ianto and him it had ‘Smoking kills‘ written on it. The next one read ‘Smoking can cause a slow and painful death‘ in big letters, another ‘Smoking can damage the sperm and cause impotence‘.
What …???
Ianto let out a short laugh, but turned serious immediately again. “Yep, it’s true. All of them are. Better quit it. It’s too expensive anyway. Oh, on the subject: you can‘t smoke anywhere in the hub. Smoke detectors in the ventilation system, sorry.”
Jack took two packs nonetheless and Ennis was glad. Jack then asked slightly worried: “How about alcohol? Will they try to spoil a nice drink as well?” Ennis realized he hadn’t seen any alcohol for sale so far.
Ianto shook his head. “No, not yet. You should be perfectly fine. We can go and get some after we paid for these things in the off-license over there.”
Lying in bed that night, alone as he had insisted and Jack hadn’t asked again, Ennis stared with wide eyes into the darkness. He knew that Jack wasn’t asleep either. Too much had happened today, too much to assimilate, too much to handle. Yet there were other thoughts occupying his mind.
He longed to be closer to Jack. Since that first night in the tent, he hadn’t spent a single night with Jack being that close by, where they hadn’t laid together, wrapped around each other, at least touching in some way. And now they were in the same room and he couldn’t bring himself to close the gap between their beds, go over and slip under Jack’s blanket.
He cursed inwardly. Running pros and cons in his head, he couldn’t really come up with a conclusion. Or rather a reason not to do it, if he was honest. Ianto obviously knew already, and so did probably the Captain. Chances were good that by now the others did as well. And if not … they hopefully wouldn’t care. Ianto had said he and the Captain … so it should be ok, shouldn’t it? They wouldn’t do anything he assured himself, he just wanted something familiar in this foreign room, foreign city. In fucking foreign space and time. Goddammit!
He pushed back his blanket and swung his feet out of bed. He felt his way over to where he was quite sure Jack’s bed was. But then he just stood there. Still unsure, still torn about the next move.
He heard the sheets rustle. Jack taking a breath before he spoke.
“Will you decide to come in or not? You’ll have icy feet soon and I don’t want to have them anywhere near my feet. I could have stayed with Lureen for that.”
And when Ennis finally touched the edge of the bed he felt a hand grabbing his, drawing him in and under the covers.
“I started to think you wouldn’t come,” Jack whispered.
“I nearly didn’t.”
“Glad you did.” Pressing a kiss into Ennis’ hair Jack tightened his grip then sank back into the pillow.
Hearing Jack’s heartbeat, feeling him, smelling him, he began to relax. He could feel Jack relaxing under his touch as well and was strangely moved and a little ashamed by this recognition.
Soon they were both fast asleep.
When they came into the main area of the hub the next morning no one was to be seen, although the screens were all busy and jackets and handbags indicated that the team had already arrived. When Ianto joined them to get more coffee for the morning team meeting, they were sitting in the small kitchen over breakfast. They were surprised when Ianto asked them to join the end of the meeting.
Arriving at the glassy conference room they saw the doctor boldly pushing back his chair. When he stormed out of the room they weren’t sure if he was busy or enraged. Maybe both, Ennis thought, stepping back to clear the way. The “Bollocks!“ and “Bloody hell!” clearly indicated the latter one.
The Captain waved them in and offered them seats.
Then he handed them passports, US-passports, with unlimited working visas. Ennis blinked at the birth date. 1979. He swallowed.
Then Ms. Sato stood up.
“I looked into some files about your … pasts.”
“And?” Jack was more curious than concerned.
“You were declared dead five days after you fell through the rift. They found the trucks, and your other horse. The camp was raided by wild animals, presumably a bear, by the time it was discovered. It was suspected you’d fallen victim to a bear as well. As for your families-” she paused looking at the Captain, then Ianto, then their two visitors again, waiting for confirmation to continue.
Ennis looked up and nodded, he wanted to know about his girls. Ms. Sato gave him a smile. “Alma remarried not long afterwards, had another two kids, sons. She’s widowed again. Your daughters got married, too. Alma Jr is a kindergarten teacher and lives with her husband in Casper, Wyoming. She has a girl and a boy, both grown up, Jamie, the older and his girlfriend have a boy as well, he‘s two.”
“Ennis, you’re a great-grand-dad!” Jack laughed.
Ennis sat down, face blank, mind racing.
Too much, this was too much. And Ms. Sato wasn’t done yet.
“Jenny moved to Denver, Colorado to study. She is divorced, has a teenage girl. She’s co-owner of a small but successful art gallery.”
“They … have good lives,” he murmured under his breath, but Jack had heard him. He gently rubbed his thigh under the table, then pressed his knee reassuringly.
“Well, as for your family, Mr. Twist - Lureen took over the family business a couple of years after you disappeared. She didn’t marry again. Robert also never married. He works in the film business, travelling around, he’s an editor apparently. Your parents died in the early 1990s.”
Jack nodded deflated.
Their kids were older then them now. Hell, Ennis was probably the only great-grandfather of barely thirty.
They had outlived their fate and future. What would it hold for them now? What kind of future was there anyway?
The end of the meeting came suddenly when an alarm went off. The team hurried out of the room. Jack and Ennis unsure of what to do followed them slowly down the stairs to the main area of the place.
Intense cursing from the lower levels sounded up, followed by loud noises and more cursing, which would make any foreman look like a first grader.
And then the most ugly creature appeared in one of the arched passages. About a man’s height it was dressed in a dark sort of coveralls. Its composure was kind of athletic even though it stood hunched. Even the skin looked kind of human, although somewhat … unhealthy, and it looked old in the face. Or what would one would call the face were it human … there was no nose, just small flaring nostrils, the mouth huge though, and equipped with long teeth, the canines even longer and sharper more like fangs. The jaw was chiselled and what looked like a thick vein ran up from its sides along its long, flat forehead into the thin, dirty-blond, greasy hair.
The deep set pair of small dark eyes looked hastily around. Desperate to find a way out … Ennis knew the feeling. But this creature frightened him nonetheless. Where was Jack? His Jack, he corrected himself. Knowing him, he’d probably get right int … holy shit!!!! His Jack?? Where had that come from? He stood rooted to the metal catwalk, distantly hearing footsteps running around. The Japanese’s voice calling out to someone. The doctor cursing out of breath and Ianto’s soothing murmuring which sounded strangely like “Janet”.
Over all of the ruckus the Captain shouted “Stun guns!” and “Don’t shoot!” before he jumped over a railing thwarting the creature’s hasty escape.
Everyone stood frozen for a second, including the beast. Then it lashed out to the human barrier in front of it, bringing Captain Harkness down jumping at him, head first, huge mouth wide open, aiming at the throat. He had shifted, tried to duck away but when the monster had hurried along, Ennis saw the Captain lying motionless on the floor, shirt ripped at shoulder and chest and soaked in blood. Nobody seemed to care though. Even Ianto ignored the bleeding man. The team slowly and carefully tried to close in on the creature, trying to make its escape route a dead end street.
Then he heard a familiar buzzing sound behind him and recognized a lasso when he saw something long fly into his field of vision, wrapping itself around the creature’s feet, pulling it out of balance, bringing it down.
Painful memories of the last day on the mountain came to Ennis' mind, but were immediately pushed away by the present incident.
Moments later Ianto and the self-confident woman, Ms. Cooper, were right next to the creature, spraying some aerosol into its face and pressing a gun to its shoulder. Ennis didn’t hear a shot but the beast winced and shook before it went limp and suddenly the whole team was down in the center of the bunker. While Ianto and the Japanese bound the creature's limbs, the other two started talking to each other and everyone rapidly and at the same time.
He couldn’t make out a word, closed his eyes and took a few shaking breaths. When he opened them again, while looking around for Jack, his view was caught by Ianto crouched down by his Captain, holding him in his arms, talking to him quietly. He wanted to look away, the scene too intimate, too disturbing, but he couldn’t take his eyes from them. The Captain‘s eyes were open again, taking a deep breath, but he seemed to be in pain. He watched the young man holding the other man’s hand, caressing his face. A few moments later the Captain sat up and Ianto helped him to his feet. They stood in front of each other, Ianto needlessly adjusting the collar of the ripped and bloody shirt, before Captain Harkness carefully cupped his chin, turned it up and placed a kiss onto the young man's lips.
It was over in no time and Ennis blinked, not sure if he hadn’t just imagined it. The excitement and fear of the morning’s events messing with his mind, but deep inside he knew what he had seen was real. And it hadn’t looked disgusting or wrong (other than all the blood), quite the contrary. And he wondered for the first time, why people would think it was. And then he wondered, if it would look like this to other people when he and Jack would … if their own expressions were as … He didn’t even know how to express it to himself.
Meanwhile the Captain had started to look around and when his head turned into his direction, he smiled widely coming closer with still somewhat tentative strides.
To Ennis’ surprise he heard footsteps approaching from behind as well. When he turned he saw Jack standing close to him. And the sight made him incredibly happy. He wanted to be able to touch him like Ianto had touched his Captain, kiss him like the Captain had kissed his lover - let him know, show him, that he was glad he was ok, proud of what he had done to help. But even before Ennis could as much as realize his wish himself, let alone come to a decision or make a move, Captain Harkness had reached them, smiling widely, looking at Jack.
“Good to have some cowboys around! Well done, thank you!”
Jack smiled back just as wide, same blue eyes, same ruffled hair, shit …!!!
The two men shook hands eagerly.
“So when is the bull-riding tournament?” Jack shot back.
The Captain’s eyes sparkled and the smile changed into a mischievous grin.
“Oh, I am sure we can arrange something like that. What do you think?” He turned to Ennis, who got the notion at last. Feeling himself blushing, he looked back rather angrily; about the innuendo just as much as about himself.
“What the fuck is that?” he asked instead of reacting to the Captain’s question, nodding his head to the creature on the floor.
“Oh, come and meet Janet.”
“Janet?” Jack chimed in incredulously, following the Captain to the group, dragging Ennis with him.
“Barbara just never seemed right. Well, anyway - Janet is a weevil. They normally live in the sewers. Come out occasionally and we aim to keep them at bay. This one lives with us though. We try to get to know them."
"Bring her back down!” he ordered Ianto and the Welshwoman.
Then he turned to Doctor Harper. “I think you owe Mr. Twist here a drink for fixing your mishap, eh? And I want you in my office, now. I want to know exactly what the hell happened!”
The Captain turned on his heels and headed up the stairs.
The doc smiled weakly, nodded, murmured something about “Pub tonight, mate!” Then glaring unhappily after the Captain he threw his arms in the air, muttering loudly “I didn’t do anything! Well, nothing I didn’t do before. I just … blimey …” His voice trailed away while he followed his boss with hasty strides.
The Japanese girl addressed Ennis. “Are you ok?”
Her voice and face showed real concern. It was about time that he learned the team’s names properly. Ms. Sato, Toshiko, wasn’t it? He just nodded.
“Must have been quite a surprise, but hey,” she turned to Jack, “that was brilliant. We never tried it that way before. Well, not really the local style. But what’s the sense in globalisation if you don’t adopt the good things from different cultures. After all, we have stuff here that’s not even earthly and-”
“Ok, Tosh!” Ianto‘s voice interrupted as he stepped to the small group.
The Japanese - Tosh - silenced immediately, biting her lip, but smiled. Then mumbling something about “Program to finish” and hurried away.
“So, you two. How about some fresh air and a good coffee on this surprise encounter?”
Ennis nodded gladly. Fresh air also meant he could have a smoke. Ianto always seemed to be able to read his mind. He started to wonder about that while they returned to their quarters to get their jackets.
Before they left the room Ennis caught Jack’s hand and drew him into an embrace.
He didn’t say anything, just held on tight, burying his face in Jack’s neck, smelling the unfamiliar scent of contemporary soap, new clothes, and the strange aroma that was the hub air. And yet there was something inimitably Jack.
“Thank you,” he whispered. Unexpected, even for himself.
Jack drew back, holding him at arms length and looking at him.
“What for?”
“Dunno. Everything?”
Jack smiled, moving closer again and made to kiss him. Instinctively Ennis wanted to pull back but thought better of it, giving in to the kiss, returning it, encouraged by the seclusion of the room, fulfilling his earlier desire.
“You were good with that lasso.”
“Well, I am a cowboy after all.”
“You’ve never been a cowboy,” Ennis teased. “You chased chicken and herded sheep. Have you ever even milked a cow?”
“I rode bulls.”
“For less than eight seconds each.”
“Hey …” Jack punched Ennis’ arm playfully.
“Where did you get that lasso from anyway?”
“It was still attached to the saddle. And the saddle was in the conference room. I had seen it there earlier.”
“Good thing it wasn’t the rifle then. I guess your shooting skills haven’t improved much, huh?”
Jack was about to headlock him laughingly when Ianto appeared in the doorway, clearing his throat discreetly.
Soon after they set off to see more of the city that was going to be their new home.
That night the whole team and their two temporary guests went to the pub together.
Owen kept his promise, paying for a round, teasingly reminded all the way to the bar by his colleagues.
Ennis was getting used to it. They bitched and bantered, but they relied on each other. They might be more siblings than friends sometimes, but they would go through fire and water for their team mates. Probably had on more than one occasion already.
The beer was … well, special, but tasty. He’d get used to that as well as to the size of the glasses it came in.
Some time during the second round of drinks a pool table close by became available and someone decided they should have a game.
You apparently weren’t allowed to smoke in a pub. What the fuck were they thinking?!
Any bartender telling any guy in Wyoming not to smoke in his bar, … well, he didn’t want to be in their skin.
No-smoking-bars. Ennis shook his head in disbelief, grabbed his pack of smokes and headed outside as he had seen everyone else do. Jack preferred to stay with the others, engaged in conversation and the game of pool. Ennis wondered if he’d actually seen him leave. Had he realized he was gone? Would he realize …?
There was a small crowd in front of the pub. Ennis found smoking outdoors a good excuse to get out of the crowded pub. He hadn’t wanted to exchange the crowd inside for the crowd outside though, so he started to walk away a few steps. Walked farther, unconsciously drawn by the waterfront. He stopped by the railings, propped up one foot to the lower rail, leaned his upper body against the upper part and lit a cigarette.
He listened to the distant sounds, soon forgetting the city nightlife behind him and enjoyed being in the fresh air just as much as being alone for a moment.
The moment was short.
“Hey there.” Captain Harkness’ voice was soft, disturbing nonetheless.
Ennis didn’t answer directly, just nodded, accompanied by a low growl.
The Captain leaned next to him, copying his position, watching the moon for a few seconds before he spoke again.
“How are you?”
“Alright - I guess …”
“You guess?”
“Yeah, well.”
“Well?”
“It’s not exactly what I expected to happen this weekend, nor anywhere close to it.”
“What did you expect?”
“Just a quiet weekend. Camping, riding, … “
The Captain raised an eye brow questioningly.
“… being with Jack?” A sigh escaped Ennis with this confession.
“There is nothing wrong with that.”
“’s not what I learned.”
“Ok, it is here. It is now. You are free to be with whomever you want.”
“Even if it’s a man?”
“Even if it’s two men.” The Captain laughed. “Hell, you could even get married. Well, to one of the two. They are not that liberal yet.”
“Married? No way!”
“Oh yes. I’ll be honest, it’s not as if you’d never get a bad word, a strange look. It’s easier in the cities than in the country. And if you get to the wrong people it might still be even dangerous. But then that could happen to everyone …”
“Everyone?”
“People are beaten up for an iPod, stabbed for a cell phone or a few quid. Geez, not long ago 17 people were killed and the team was beaten up just because they were human.
And some are attacked for no reason at all.”
Ennis didn‘t bother to question iPods, cell phones or quid. There were more troubling matters at hand.
“How can you stand it?”
“I don’t think about it. I don’t expect the worst from people but the best.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Not think about it.”
There was a pause. Ennis waited for the Captain to say something, but he remained silent for once.
“I’m afraid.”
“What of?”
“Of loosing him. Having him hurt. Or killed. Because of me.”
“It wouldn’t be because of you. Never because of you.
And he could be hurt or killed anyway. There could be an accident, an illness …
You are never prepared for what’s going to happen.”
It seemed that the Captain wanted to say something else but paused for a moment before he continued.
“I know you saw what happened when Janet attacked me this morning. It was a fatal attack. I died.” He ignored Ennis’ gasp. “But I can’t stay dead. I can’t even explain to you why, but the essential part is: I've lived for so long … and I’ve lost so many over the years. So many loved ones. I’ll lose Ianto, too, one day - and it will be too soon. I know that and I can‘t do anything about it, but ... it’s why you need to live up every moment you have as well as you can. Otherwise you’ll regret it every day after it’s too late.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“Just try.”
“I can’t.” Ennis shrugged helplessly.
“Promise me you’ll try. If not for yourself then for Jack.”
Ennis lit another cigarette, inhaled deeply, then nodded.
“Ok, I’ll … try.”
If the Captain had wanted to say something more, Ennis would never know. They were interrupted by a shy, yet somewhat demanding voice from behind.
“You have another fag?” a scrawny teenage boy asked him.
Ennis turned two different shades of white before his face went through at least three hues of red. His mind raced to get the meaning of what was addressed to him, not knowing how to react.
Another fag? Another - besides for whom? Captain Harkness here? Or his Jack? Or just in general? And why would they want to know - plus who would assume he’d share?
“Well do you?”
“What?” Ennis snapped.
“Have a fag for me? I really need a smoke.”
“A …?” Ennis looked bewildered at the boy, then turned his eyes to Jack Harkness, who was grinning widely. He indicated to Ennis to give the teenager one of his cigarettes.
After he did so, the boy hurried away without a ‘thank you’ and vanished into the dark.
“Welcome to Great Britain.” The Captain laughed. “You should have seen your face …”
Ennis ignored him, turned around again and stared over the water, watched the slowly rising fog, his mind racing.
A fag …. And just then Ennis realized that he had been more confused than angry. Irritated but not enraged. He hadn’t wanted to hit the boy. Was it because he had sensed that this wasn’t about him, wasn’t really about sexuality or was it indeed because he had been constantly told that it was ok to be queer for the last two days? No, probably not. Well, maybe it was a bit of both, but more likely because he had just been confused. He was constantly confused, never knew how to behave anymore, didn’t know what to do to meet expectations. And whose expectations to meet.
And the only ones that came to his mind were Jack’s and his own. There was no one else anymore. So maybe - maybe the Captain was right and he could try, for Jack’s sake as much as for his own.
It wasn’t until two days later that Ennis really began to understand what Captain Harkness had meant.
He had gone to the kitchen, intending to get glasses for a little night-cap. He found the electronic kettle boiling and a tea pot standing by but the kitchen was deserted. Then the alarm of the cog wheel entrance echoed through the hall. He winced, still wasn’t used to all those sounds, and looked up to see the Captain hurrying through the hub and towards a small, miserable looking group of three people. Only when they came farther into the hub, where the light was brighter, did Ennis recognize them. Toshiko, Owen and Ianto had returned to the headquarters after a mission somewhere in the streets of Cardiff that night. They were drenched, but that was the most normal that could be said about their state. Toshiko was limping and bleeding from a split lip and a deep scratch over her left eyebrow. Owen held his arm wrapped around himself in a strange manner, his face contorted in silent pain with each movement. Yet they held a semi-conscious Ianto in their middle, dragging him forward more than actually carrying him.
The Captain caught Ianto in his arms when the young man slumped down.
Gwen appeared out of nowhere with blankets and towels. She handed them out, giving one to the Captain, who immediately wrapped it around Ianto, still holding him close. Meanwhile Gwen was helping Tosh to wrap the blankets around her shaking shoulders, then offering the same to Owen, who all but shrugged her helping hand away, tugged himself into the warming wool, then hastily grabbed a towel. The doctor winced at the sudden movement and buried his wet face in the towel. Then he tried to straighten himself and took some careful breaths before he looked up at his Captain and team mates.
“Give me five minutes, please? You can bring him down to the med bay,” he said to the Captain, who was still holding Ianto close. Then Owen turned to Toshiko. “Can you wait a little longer? I could get you some painkillers first, but if the rest could wait …”
He didn’t wait for a reply, but had already turned around and tried to leave with as much dignity as he could muster to the medical area. Nonetheless the Japanese nodded, murmured something like “of course” and limped to the sofa, where she just dropped.
Everything seemed to happen so quickly. Before Ennis had understood what had happened to the three, before he had even considered if he could be of any help, they had taken care of the situation themselves. It probably - hopefully - wasn’t anything that happened on a daily basis, but obviously nothing too unusual either.
The Captain had mentioned that it was dangerous to work for Torchwood. He’d never realized just how much.
But then it was kinda dangerous to work on a farm, too, even though there were no aliens, whose main aim was to kill the human race, just boisterous bulls, frightened cows and skittish horses or stubborn machinery. And just as often half-assed and careless co-workers … or an inattentive self, no shit! He knew about pain ignored, hidden away until it faded or was forgotten. Or until it just became part of yourself.
Suddenly Ennis realized how often he himself had been close to not seeing the next day for far more irrelevant reasons than saving another human being, let alone the world. And far more stupid reasons than loving another person. He guessed same went for Jack.
Life was dangerous, perilous - and always ended in death. Well, except for Captain Harkness that was …
He could just as well try and make it worthwhile in between. And if not for mankind then maybe at least for the man he cared about more than anything - and himself at the same time.
He had just seen how the Captain had wrapped a blanket around his non-responding lover, wrapping him into his arms afterwards as well. And while he held him, he had pressed a chaste kiss to the young man’s forehead. And he remembered how Ianto had held the Captain that first morning, after that weevil creature had attacked.
Wasn’t that what it was all about? To care and take care? To love and show that love?
The heavy bubbling of the boiling kettle caught his attention again. He poured the water into the waiting tea pot and took more cups from the shelf. After a few minutes he poured the hot golden brown liquid into the cups, which he had set on the tray he’d found by the coffee machine.
He started by the sofa, where he handed one cup to Toshiko, who glanced up at him surprised but so thankful. Left one for Gwen as well before he made his way over to the medical department where he hesitated to go down the few steps.
He saw the Captain’s back, standing in front of his young lover, who sat on a metallic stretcher in the middle of the med bay. It was partly the fact that he didn’t want to intrude in whatever was going on, but also the fact that he had heard team members referring to that part of the hub as autopsy bay more than once. And he knew what that meant - and he found it a bit scary.
While he was trying to decide what to do, Gwen came up, a plastic bag with a strangely looking, shimmering blue … stuff inside in her hand and seemed to recognize his reluctance to go further.
“Give me those and bring that to Tosh for her ankle, will you.”
Ennis nodded, mostly relieved, though he exchanged the tray with the plastic pouch skeptically. But he decided not to think about its most likely extraterrestrial content. He was surprised it felt so cool and squishy.
Just before he turned around Ennis caught a glimpse of Ianto’s pale face, eyes closed, maybe listening to whatever the Captain was murmuring, maybe just trying to cope with the pain.
He brought the cool pouch to Toshiko, who placed it immediately on her ankle which she had bedded on a cushion on the coffee table. Then he went back to the kitchen, where he poured another two cups of tea for Jack and himself and returned to their little room.
He closed the door, sat the mugs down onto the bedside table, then turned to Jack, who sat on the bed, looking at him a little surprised.
He had been going over some adverts in the paper. Ennis couldn’t see if it was work or housing this time, but Jack was determined to find either one. Whereas Ennis only wanted to find one thing at the moment: the familiar feeling of security in Jack‘s arms. Feeling them arms wrapped around him. Feeling him. Feeling, knowing he was really here with him.
But Ennis didn’t know how to ask for it. Looked away. Stood, longing, lost, so close, yet far away. He closed his eyes.
He heard the rustle of paper, felt fingers trailing down his hand, wrapping themselves around his own. Pulling him closer, down onto the mattress and Ennis just gave in, stumbled forward, shins hitting the bed frame, then he awkwardly sank down, half sitting half lying next to Jack. Curled up and into Jack’s side. Slung one arm over Jack’s waist while Jack wrapped him up in his own arms. Not talking, not asking any questions; just holding and being held enough.
A knock on the door.
Ennis’ first reaction was to back away. But there was no need. And no chance.
Jack had already let out an audible “Come in.”
The door opened and a shyly smiling Gwen entered the room.
“Sorry to disturb.”
“You didn’t. What‘s up?”
“Just wanted to let you know that we all will be gone soon. I’m giving Owen and Tosh a lift and Jack will look after Ianto, taking him home and tucking him in. He might be back later, but don’t count on it.
Any alarm will go to Jack’s wrist strap automatically. You’ll be fine here. The main hub and lower levels will lock automatically. But if you want to go out you can always use the tourist office. You know the way, don’t you? The phone numbers for emergencies and such are next to the office phone as well. Call me or Jack. The others need their rest tonight.”
“How is everyone?” Ennis asked a little concerned.
“Oh, they’ll be alright, don’t worry. Good as new in a day or two.”
She tried a lopsided smiled, not convincingly though.
“Good night, you two.”
A small wave, then she closed the door silently. The silence stayed for a long moment before Jack turned to Ennis.
“What happened to the others?”
“Don’t know really.” Ennis shrugged. “Weevil or whatnot. Came back all roughed up when I was down in the kitchen.”
“Didn’t you ask?”
“No, what for? Nothing I could have done about it. Nothing I would know about neither.” Ennis paused. “Made some tea. I felt so stupid, so helpless. And they do it every day. Could get killed every day …” His voice faded.
“So could we,” Jack mused.
“I know,” the whispered reply.
Jack’s arms tightened their grip again.
“Let’s make the best of it.”
Ennis sighed, then looked up.
“Of what? Life in the 21st century or a night alone?”
Jack’s expression changed from earnest to mischievous.
“How about both?”
Ennis took a deep breath. “I’ll … try.”
The tea on the bed side table went cold. Was never drunk in fact.
Epilogue >>
Amazing Counters
Genre: crossover Torchwood/ Brokeback Mountain: canon for TW, au for BBM
Word count: ~11350 in total
Pairing: Canon pairings
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers for Torchwood: set probably early in season 2, but parallels to “Out of time” 01x10 are not entirely coincidental
Warnings: swearing
Summary: Team Torchwood rushes to another rift anomaly that brought along something from the past. Two cowboys for whom a trip to the middle of nowhere took an unexpected turn. Ennis' POV.
Disclaimer: Oh, you know - I don't own neither Brokeback Mountain nor Torchwood nor do I claim any rights to one of them. All creative rights to the characters belong to BBC and Focus and their original creators RTD and AP. I won‘t make any profit with this story.
Thanks to chamilet and musicandjason for the beta work.
Lost in Time
<< Part 1
Part 2
Thirty minutes later they drove through the center of this enormous city. At least it felt enormous to Ennis. Then the busy part gave way to much greener areas. When they continued over a bridge he could see water on both sides, wider to his left, boats bobbing up and down like small white toys in the bay. Too soon they’d crossed the mouth of the river, as Ianto had explained, and finally the car turned onto a wide parking lot.
“Holy shit!!”
Ennis stood rooted to the spot after he’d climbed out of the car.
“What … is this?”
“It’s a shopping center.” Jack was obviously more unflustered.
“It’s huge.”
“Yep.”
“You had those in Texas?”
“No, not that big, but they got bigger lately.”
He then answered Ennis' unspoken question of ‘How do you know, then?’ with “It said ‘Welcome to Asda Cardiff Bay Shopping Centre’ on the sign at the entrance of the parking lot.”
He grinned.
Ianto had watched the exchange quietly. “You know, to me it’s an absolutely American thing, shopping malls and that. It’s funny that you wouldn’t know it.”
“So, let’s go explore!” Jack started with wide strides to the glass front, big green letters probably marking the entrance. The masses of people streaming into the same direction were obviously a clue as well.
When they came closer the doors slid open miraculously. Again Ennis stared in disbelief.
“Automatic doors,” Ianto explained. “Another miracle of modern times. They always seem to make time travellers wonder. And just so that you’ll be prepared there will be automatic moving stairs as well.”
“I know these,” Ennis snapped back.
Jack turned around. “You do?”
“Well, you obviously do too.” That shut Jack up.
Ianto looked questioningly at him.
“TV,” was the short answer.
There was low music adding to the incredible soundscape, huge colourful displays everywhere, screaming for his attention in the most unusual and flashy ways. Exotic fruits he’d never seen let alone tasted were offered next to some he actually knew, but the amounts were sheer unbelievable.
Every new aisle, every new shelf was presenting something to surprise him, to make him wonder. Or to shock him. As when his eyes fell on the section with erotic magazines and the naked cover girls. Naked - for everyone to see! Ianto had watched him silently, grabbed one magazine from a higher display and handed it to him without a comment. It said ‘attitude’ in big letters, though his eyes were distracted by a hunky guy posing in nothing but swimming trunks on the glossy front page. He remembered going swimming with Jack, stark naked, and he felt a warm blush creeping up his neck as well as a warm rush in his loins. He quickly handed the magazine back without a second glance.
Ianto took it, considered for a moment, staring at the cover, before he put it back in its place. “Just wanted to let you know …” he mumbled before he walked down the aisle towards Jack.
Ennis looked puzzled at the magazine again. This time not only watching the young guy but actually reading some of what was written there. And the headlines on the cover clearly pointed out the target audience. One subtitle even read gay and sex in one sentence. Embarrassed and enraged he turned around, checking if anyone had seen him looking at it. How could Ianto hand him something like this? But then Ennis understood. Ianto had wanted to let him know it really was ok. They were selling magazines for each bias and liking. He spotted sports and travel and cooking and cars and numerous other ones he couldn’t even identify. And erotic magazines. In supermarkets. For … queers! He shook his head and hurried to catch up with Jack and Ianto.
They got toiletries as Ianto had suggested as well as some clothes to change and some food. In one section he had happily spotted a stack of canned ‘Baked beans’. Finally something he knew! He had already lifted his hand to grab one of these familiar items when he heard Jack’s voice close by.
“Don’t even think about it.”
He turned around. “Huh?”
“You’re not going to buy beans, are you?? Are you nuts?? This is Shopping Paradise.”
“But they're at special offer.”
“I don’t care. No. More. Beans. - not here. Not if I can help it!!”
Ennis shrugged reluctantly and gave in, silently wondering if Jack was considering shooting a sheep again. He smiled inwardly.
Nearing the cashier they came along the cigarettes. Jack was the first to grab some packs, staring at the upper most one in disbelief. Holding it out to Ianto and him it had ‘Smoking kills‘ written on it. The next one read ‘Smoking can cause a slow and painful death‘ in big letters, another ‘Smoking can damage the sperm and cause impotence‘.
What …???
Ianto let out a short laugh, but turned serious immediately again. “Yep, it’s true. All of them are. Better quit it. It’s too expensive anyway. Oh, on the subject: you can‘t smoke anywhere in the hub. Smoke detectors in the ventilation system, sorry.”
Jack took two packs nonetheless and Ennis was glad. Jack then asked slightly worried: “How about alcohol? Will they try to spoil a nice drink as well?” Ennis realized he hadn’t seen any alcohol for sale so far.
Ianto shook his head. “No, not yet. You should be perfectly fine. We can go and get some after we paid for these things in the off-license over there.”
Lying in bed that night, alone as he had insisted and Jack hadn’t asked again, Ennis stared with wide eyes into the darkness. He knew that Jack wasn’t asleep either. Too much had happened today, too much to assimilate, too much to handle. Yet there were other thoughts occupying his mind.
He longed to be closer to Jack. Since that first night in the tent, he hadn’t spent a single night with Jack being that close by, where they hadn’t laid together, wrapped around each other, at least touching in some way. And now they were in the same room and he couldn’t bring himself to close the gap between their beds, go over and slip under Jack’s blanket.
He cursed inwardly. Running pros and cons in his head, he couldn’t really come up with a conclusion. Or rather a reason not to do it, if he was honest. Ianto obviously knew already, and so did probably the Captain. Chances were good that by now the others did as well. And if not … they hopefully wouldn’t care. Ianto had said he and the Captain … so it should be ok, shouldn’t it? They wouldn’t do anything he assured himself, he just wanted something familiar in this foreign room, foreign city. In fucking foreign space and time. Goddammit!
He pushed back his blanket and swung his feet out of bed. He felt his way over to where he was quite sure Jack’s bed was. But then he just stood there. Still unsure, still torn about the next move.
He heard the sheets rustle. Jack taking a breath before he spoke.
“Will you decide to come in or not? You’ll have icy feet soon and I don’t want to have them anywhere near my feet. I could have stayed with Lureen for that.”
And when Ennis finally touched the edge of the bed he felt a hand grabbing his, drawing him in and under the covers.
“I started to think you wouldn’t come,” Jack whispered.
“I nearly didn’t.”
“Glad you did.” Pressing a kiss into Ennis’ hair Jack tightened his grip then sank back into the pillow.
Hearing Jack’s heartbeat, feeling him, smelling him, he began to relax. He could feel Jack relaxing under his touch as well and was strangely moved and a little ashamed by this recognition.
Soon they were both fast asleep.
When they came into the main area of the hub the next morning no one was to be seen, although the screens were all busy and jackets and handbags indicated that the team had already arrived. When Ianto joined them to get more coffee for the morning team meeting, they were sitting in the small kitchen over breakfast. They were surprised when Ianto asked them to join the end of the meeting.
Arriving at the glassy conference room they saw the doctor boldly pushing back his chair. When he stormed out of the room they weren’t sure if he was busy or enraged. Maybe both, Ennis thought, stepping back to clear the way. The “Bollocks!“ and “Bloody hell!” clearly indicated the latter one.
The Captain waved them in and offered them seats.
Then he handed them passports, US-passports, with unlimited working visas. Ennis blinked at the birth date. 1979. He swallowed.
Then Ms. Sato stood up.
“I looked into some files about your … pasts.”
“And?” Jack was more curious than concerned.
“You were declared dead five days after you fell through the rift. They found the trucks, and your other horse. The camp was raided by wild animals, presumably a bear, by the time it was discovered. It was suspected you’d fallen victim to a bear as well. As for your families-” she paused looking at the Captain, then Ianto, then their two visitors again, waiting for confirmation to continue.
Ennis looked up and nodded, he wanted to know about his girls. Ms. Sato gave him a smile. “Alma remarried not long afterwards, had another two kids, sons. She’s widowed again. Your daughters got married, too. Alma Jr is a kindergarten teacher and lives with her husband in Casper, Wyoming. She has a girl and a boy, both grown up, Jamie, the older and his girlfriend have a boy as well, he‘s two.”
“Ennis, you’re a great-grand-dad!” Jack laughed.
Ennis sat down, face blank, mind racing.
Too much, this was too much. And Ms. Sato wasn’t done yet.
“Jenny moved to Denver, Colorado to study. She is divorced, has a teenage girl. She’s co-owner of a small but successful art gallery.”
“They … have good lives,” he murmured under his breath, but Jack had heard him. He gently rubbed his thigh under the table, then pressed his knee reassuringly.
“Well, as for your family, Mr. Twist - Lureen took over the family business a couple of years after you disappeared. She didn’t marry again. Robert also never married. He works in the film business, travelling around, he’s an editor apparently. Your parents died in the early 1990s.”
Jack nodded deflated.
Their kids were older then them now. Hell, Ennis was probably the only great-grandfather of barely thirty.
They had outlived their fate and future. What would it hold for them now? What kind of future was there anyway?
The end of the meeting came suddenly when an alarm went off. The team hurried out of the room. Jack and Ennis unsure of what to do followed them slowly down the stairs to the main area of the place.
Intense cursing from the lower levels sounded up, followed by loud noises and more cursing, which would make any foreman look like a first grader.
And then the most ugly creature appeared in one of the arched passages. About a man’s height it was dressed in a dark sort of coveralls. Its composure was kind of athletic even though it stood hunched. Even the skin looked kind of human, although somewhat … unhealthy, and it looked old in the face. Or what would one would call the face were it human … there was no nose, just small flaring nostrils, the mouth huge though, and equipped with long teeth, the canines even longer and sharper more like fangs. The jaw was chiselled and what looked like a thick vein ran up from its sides along its long, flat forehead into the thin, dirty-blond, greasy hair.
The deep set pair of small dark eyes looked hastily around. Desperate to find a way out … Ennis knew the feeling. But this creature frightened him nonetheless. Where was Jack? His Jack, he corrected himself. Knowing him, he’d probably get right int … holy shit!!!! His Jack?? Where had that come from? He stood rooted to the metal catwalk, distantly hearing footsteps running around. The Japanese’s voice calling out to someone. The doctor cursing out of breath and Ianto’s soothing murmuring which sounded strangely like “Janet”.
Over all of the ruckus the Captain shouted “Stun guns!” and “Don’t shoot!” before he jumped over a railing thwarting the creature’s hasty escape.
Everyone stood frozen for a second, including the beast. Then it lashed out to the human barrier in front of it, bringing Captain Harkness down jumping at him, head first, huge mouth wide open, aiming at the throat. He had shifted, tried to duck away but when the monster had hurried along, Ennis saw the Captain lying motionless on the floor, shirt ripped at shoulder and chest and soaked in blood. Nobody seemed to care though. Even Ianto ignored the bleeding man. The team slowly and carefully tried to close in on the creature, trying to make its escape route a dead end street.
Then he heard a familiar buzzing sound behind him and recognized a lasso when he saw something long fly into his field of vision, wrapping itself around the creature’s feet, pulling it out of balance, bringing it down.
Painful memories of the last day on the mountain came to Ennis' mind, but were immediately pushed away by the present incident.
Moments later Ianto and the self-confident woman, Ms. Cooper, were right next to the creature, spraying some aerosol into its face and pressing a gun to its shoulder. Ennis didn’t hear a shot but the beast winced and shook before it went limp and suddenly the whole team was down in the center of the bunker. While Ianto and the Japanese bound the creature's limbs, the other two started talking to each other and everyone rapidly and at the same time.
He couldn’t make out a word, closed his eyes and took a few shaking breaths. When he opened them again, while looking around for Jack, his view was caught by Ianto crouched down by his Captain, holding him in his arms, talking to him quietly. He wanted to look away, the scene too intimate, too disturbing, but he couldn’t take his eyes from them. The Captain‘s eyes were open again, taking a deep breath, but he seemed to be in pain. He watched the young man holding the other man’s hand, caressing his face. A few moments later the Captain sat up and Ianto helped him to his feet. They stood in front of each other, Ianto needlessly adjusting the collar of the ripped and bloody shirt, before Captain Harkness carefully cupped his chin, turned it up and placed a kiss onto the young man's lips.
It was over in no time and Ennis blinked, not sure if he hadn’t just imagined it. The excitement and fear of the morning’s events messing with his mind, but deep inside he knew what he had seen was real. And it hadn’t looked disgusting or wrong (other than all the blood), quite the contrary. And he wondered for the first time, why people would think it was. And then he wondered, if it would look like this to other people when he and Jack would … if their own expressions were as … He didn’t even know how to express it to himself.
Meanwhile the Captain had started to look around and when his head turned into his direction, he smiled widely coming closer with still somewhat tentative strides.
To Ennis’ surprise he heard footsteps approaching from behind as well. When he turned he saw Jack standing close to him. And the sight made him incredibly happy. He wanted to be able to touch him like Ianto had touched his Captain, kiss him like the Captain had kissed his lover - let him know, show him, that he was glad he was ok, proud of what he had done to help. But even before Ennis could as much as realize his wish himself, let alone come to a decision or make a move, Captain Harkness had reached them, smiling widely, looking at Jack.
“Good to have some cowboys around! Well done, thank you!”
Jack smiled back just as wide, same blue eyes, same ruffled hair, shit …!!!
The two men shook hands eagerly.
“So when is the bull-riding tournament?” Jack shot back.
The Captain’s eyes sparkled and the smile changed into a mischievous grin.
“Oh, I am sure we can arrange something like that. What do you think?” He turned to Ennis, who got the notion at last. Feeling himself blushing, he looked back rather angrily; about the innuendo just as much as about himself.
“What the fuck is that?” he asked instead of reacting to the Captain’s question, nodding his head to the creature on the floor.
“Oh, come and meet Janet.”
“Janet?” Jack chimed in incredulously, following the Captain to the group, dragging Ennis with him.
“Barbara just never seemed right. Well, anyway - Janet is a weevil. They normally live in the sewers. Come out occasionally and we aim to keep them at bay. This one lives with us though. We try to get to know them."
"Bring her back down!” he ordered Ianto and the Welshwoman.
Then he turned to Doctor Harper. “I think you owe Mr. Twist here a drink for fixing your mishap, eh? And I want you in my office, now. I want to know exactly what the hell happened!”
The Captain turned on his heels and headed up the stairs.
The doc smiled weakly, nodded, murmured something about “Pub tonight, mate!” Then glaring unhappily after the Captain he threw his arms in the air, muttering loudly “I didn’t do anything! Well, nothing I didn’t do before. I just … blimey …” His voice trailed away while he followed his boss with hasty strides.
The Japanese girl addressed Ennis. “Are you ok?”
Her voice and face showed real concern. It was about time that he learned the team’s names properly. Ms. Sato, Toshiko, wasn’t it? He just nodded.
“Must have been quite a surprise, but hey,” she turned to Jack, “that was brilliant. We never tried it that way before. Well, not really the local style. But what’s the sense in globalisation if you don’t adopt the good things from different cultures. After all, we have stuff here that’s not even earthly and-”
“Ok, Tosh!” Ianto‘s voice interrupted as he stepped to the small group.
The Japanese - Tosh - silenced immediately, biting her lip, but smiled. Then mumbling something about “Program to finish” and hurried away.
“So, you two. How about some fresh air and a good coffee on this surprise encounter?”
Ennis nodded gladly. Fresh air also meant he could have a smoke. Ianto always seemed to be able to read his mind. He started to wonder about that while they returned to their quarters to get their jackets.
Before they left the room Ennis caught Jack’s hand and drew him into an embrace.
He didn’t say anything, just held on tight, burying his face in Jack’s neck, smelling the unfamiliar scent of contemporary soap, new clothes, and the strange aroma that was the hub air. And yet there was something inimitably Jack.
“Thank you,” he whispered. Unexpected, even for himself.
Jack drew back, holding him at arms length and looking at him.
“What for?”
“Dunno. Everything?”
Jack smiled, moving closer again and made to kiss him. Instinctively Ennis wanted to pull back but thought better of it, giving in to the kiss, returning it, encouraged by the seclusion of the room, fulfilling his earlier desire.
“You were good with that lasso.”
“Well, I am a cowboy after all.”
“You’ve never been a cowboy,” Ennis teased. “You chased chicken and herded sheep. Have you ever even milked a cow?”
“I rode bulls.”
“For less than eight seconds each.”
“Hey …” Jack punched Ennis’ arm playfully.
“Where did you get that lasso from anyway?”
“It was still attached to the saddle. And the saddle was in the conference room. I had seen it there earlier.”
“Good thing it wasn’t the rifle then. I guess your shooting skills haven’t improved much, huh?”
Jack was about to headlock him laughingly when Ianto appeared in the doorway, clearing his throat discreetly.
Soon after they set off to see more of the city that was going to be their new home.
That night the whole team and their two temporary guests went to the pub together.
Owen kept his promise, paying for a round, teasingly reminded all the way to the bar by his colleagues.
Ennis was getting used to it. They bitched and bantered, but they relied on each other. They might be more siblings than friends sometimes, but they would go through fire and water for their team mates. Probably had on more than one occasion already.
The beer was … well, special, but tasty. He’d get used to that as well as to the size of the glasses it came in.
Some time during the second round of drinks a pool table close by became available and someone decided they should have a game.
You apparently weren’t allowed to smoke in a pub. What the fuck were they thinking?!
Any bartender telling any guy in Wyoming not to smoke in his bar, … well, he didn’t want to be in their skin.
No-smoking-bars. Ennis shook his head in disbelief, grabbed his pack of smokes and headed outside as he had seen everyone else do. Jack preferred to stay with the others, engaged in conversation and the game of pool. Ennis wondered if he’d actually seen him leave. Had he realized he was gone? Would he realize …?
There was a small crowd in front of the pub. Ennis found smoking outdoors a good excuse to get out of the crowded pub. He hadn’t wanted to exchange the crowd inside for the crowd outside though, so he started to walk away a few steps. Walked farther, unconsciously drawn by the waterfront. He stopped by the railings, propped up one foot to the lower rail, leaned his upper body against the upper part and lit a cigarette.
He listened to the distant sounds, soon forgetting the city nightlife behind him and enjoyed being in the fresh air just as much as being alone for a moment.
The moment was short.
“Hey there.” Captain Harkness’ voice was soft, disturbing nonetheless.
Ennis didn’t answer directly, just nodded, accompanied by a low growl.
The Captain leaned next to him, copying his position, watching the moon for a few seconds before he spoke again.
“How are you?”
“Alright - I guess …”
“You guess?”
“Yeah, well.”
“Well?”
“It’s not exactly what I expected to happen this weekend, nor anywhere close to it.”
“What did you expect?”
“Just a quiet weekend. Camping, riding, … “
The Captain raised an eye brow questioningly.
“… being with Jack?” A sigh escaped Ennis with this confession.
“There is nothing wrong with that.”
“’s not what I learned.”
“Ok, it is here. It is now. You are free to be with whomever you want.”
“Even if it’s a man?”
“Even if it’s two men.” The Captain laughed. “Hell, you could even get married. Well, to one of the two. They are not that liberal yet.”
“Married? No way!”
“Oh yes. I’ll be honest, it’s not as if you’d never get a bad word, a strange look. It’s easier in the cities than in the country. And if you get to the wrong people it might still be even dangerous. But then that could happen to everyone …”
“Everyone?”
“People are beaten up for an iPod, stabbed for a cell phone or a few quid. Geez, not long ago 17 people were killed and the team was beaten up just because they were human.
And some are attacked for no reason at all.”
Ennis didn‘t bother to question iPods, cell phones or quid. There were more troubling matters at hand.
“How can you stand it?”
“I don’t think about it. I don’t expect the worst from people but the best.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Not think about it.”
There was a pause. Ennis waited for the Captain to say something, but he remained silent for once.
“I’m afraid.”
“What of?”
“Of loosing him. Having him hurt. Or killed. Because of me.”
“It wouldn’t be because of you. Never because of you.
And he could be hurt or killed anyway. There could be an accident, an illness …
You are never prepared for what’s going to happen.”
It seemed that the Captain wanted to say something else but paused for a moment before he continued.
“I know you saw what happened when Janet attacked me this morning. It was a fatal attack. I died.” He ignored Ennis’ gasp. “But I can’t stay dead. I can’t even explain to you why, but the essential part is: I've lived for so long … and I’ve lost so many over the years. So many loved ones. I’ll lose Ianto, too, one day - and it will be too soon. I know that and I can‘t do anything about it, but ... it’s why you need to live up every moment you have as well as you can. Otherwise you’ll regret it every day after it’s too late.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“Just try.”
“I can’t.” Ennis shrugged helplessly.
“Promise me you’ll try. If not for yourself then for Jack.”
Ennis lit another cigarette, inhaled deeply, then nodded.
“Ok, I’ll … try.”
If the Captain had wanted to say something more, Ennis would never know. They were interrupted by a shy, yet somewhat demanding voice from behind.
“You have another fag?” a scrawny teenage boy asked him.
Ennis turned two different shades of white before his face went through at least three hues of red. His mind raced to get the meaning of what was addressed to him, not knowing how to react.
Another fag? Another - besides for whom? Captain Harkness here? Or his Jack? Or just in general? And why would they want to know - plus who would assume he’d share?
“Well do you?”
“What?” Ennis snapped.
“Have a fag for me? I really need a smoke.”
“A …?” Ennis looked bewildered at the boy, then turned his eyes to Jack Harkness, who was grinning widely. He indicated to Ennis to give the teenager one of his cigarettes.
After he did so, the boy hurried away without a ‘thank you’ and vanished into the dark.
“Welcome to Great Britain.” The Captain laughed. “You should have seen your face …”
Ennis ignored him, turned around again and stared over the water, watched the slowly rising fog, his mind racing.
A fag …. And just then Ennis realized that he had been more confused than angry. Irritated but not enraged. He hadn’t wanted to hit the boy. Was it because he had sensed that this wasn’t about him, wasn’t really about sexuality or was it indeed because he had been constantly told that it was ok to be queer for the last two days? No, probably not. Well, maybe it was a bit of both, but more likely because he had just been confused. He was constantly confused, never knew how to behave anymore, didn’t know what to do to meet expectations. And whose expectations to meet.
And the only ones that came to his mind were Jack’s and his own. There was no one else anymore. So maybe - maybe the Captain was right and he could try, for Jack’s sake as much as for his own.
It wasn’t until two days later that Ennis really began to understand what Captain Harkness had meant.
He had gone to the kitchen, intending to get glasses for a little night-cap. He found the electronic kettle boiling and a tea pot standing by but the kitchen was deserted. Then the alarm of the cog wheel entrance echoed through the hall. He winced, still wasn’t used to all those sounds, and looked up to see the Captain hurrying through the hub and towards a small, miserable looking group of three people. Only when they came farther into the hub, where the light was brighter, did Ennis recognize them. Toshiko, Owen and Ianto had returned to the headquarters after a mission somewhere in the streets of Cardiff that night. They were drenched, but that was the most normal that could be said about their state. Toshiko was limping and bleeding from a split lip and a deep scratch over her left eyebrow. Owen held his arm wrapped around himself in a strange manner, his face contorted in silent pain with each movement. Yet they held a semi-conscious Ianto in their middle, dragging him forward more than actually carrying him.
The Captain caught Ianto in his arms when the young man slumped down.
Gwen appeared out of nowhere with blankets and towels. She handed them out, giving one to the Captain, who immediately wrapped it around Ianto, still holding him close. Meanwhile Gwen was helping Tosh to wrap the blankets around her shaking shoulders, then offering the same to Owen, who all but shrugged her helping hand away, tugged himself into the warming wool, then hastily grabbed a towel. The doctor winced at the sudden movement and buried his wet face in the towel. Then he tried to straighten himself and took some careful breaths before he looked up at his Captain and team mates.
“Give me five minutes, please? You can bring him down to the med bay,” he said to the Captain, who was still holding Ianto close. Then Owen turned to Toshiko. “Can you wait a little longer? I could get you some painkillers first, but if the rest could wait …”
He didn’t wait for a reply, but had already turned around and tried to leave with as much dignity as he could muster to the medical area. Nonetheless the Japanese nodded, murmured something like “of course” and limped to the sofa, where she just dropped.
Everything seemed to happen so quickly. Before Ennis had understood what had happened to the three, before he had even considered if he could be of any help, they had taken care of the situation themselves. It probably - hopefully - wasn’t anything that happened on a daily basis, but obviously nothing too unusual either.
The Captain had mentioned that it was dangerous to work for Torchwood. He’d never realized just how much.
But then it was kinda dangerous to work on a farm, too, even though there were no aliens, whose main aim was to kill the human race, just boisterous bulls, frightened cows and skittish horses or stubborn machinery. And just as often half-assed and careless co-workers … or an inattentive self, no shit! He knew about pain ignored, hidden away until it faded or was forgotten. Or until it just became part of yourself.
Suddenly Ennis realized how often he himself had been close to not seeing the next day for far more irrelevant reasons than saving another human being, let alone the world. And far more stupid reasons than loving another person. He guessed same went for Jack.
Life was dangerous, perilous - and always ended in death. Well, except for Captain Harkness that was …
He could just as well try and make it worthwhile in between. And if not for mankind then maybe at least for the man he cared about more than anything - and himself at the same time.
He had just seen how the Captain had wrapped a blanket around his non-responding lover, wrapping him into his arms afterwards as well. And while he held him, he had pressed a chaste kiss to the young man’s forehead. And he remembered how Ianto had held the Captain that first morning, after that weevil creature had attacked.
Wasn’t that what it was all about? To care and take care? To love and show that love?
The heavy bubbling of the boiling kettle caught his attention again. He poured the water into the waiting tea pot and took more cups from the shelf. After a few minutes he poured the hot golden brown liquid into the cups, which he had set on the tray he’d found by the coffee machine.
He started by the sofa, where he handed one cup to Toshiko, who glanced up at him surprised but so thankful. Left one for Gwen as well before he made his way over to the medical department where he hesitated to go down the few steps.
He saw the Captain’s back, standing in front of his young lover, who sat on a metallic stretcher in the middle of the med bay. It was partly the fact that he didn’t want to intrude in whatever was going on, but also the fact that he had heard team members referring to that part of the hub as autopsy bay more than once. And he knew what that meant - and he found it a bit scary.
While he was trying to decide what to do, Gwen came up, a plastic bag with a strangely looking, shimmering blue … stuff inside in her hand and seemed to recognize his reluctance to go further.
“Give me those and bring that to Tosh for her ankle, will you.”
Ennis nodded, mostly relieved, though he exchanged the tray with the plastic pouch skeptically. But he decided not to think about its most likely extraterrestrial content. He was surprised it felt so cool and squishy.
Just before he turned around Ennis caught a glimpse of Ianto’s pale face, eyes closed, maybe listening to whatever the Captain was murmuring, maybe just trying to cope with the pain.
He brought the cool pouch to Toshiko, who placed it immediately on her ankle which she had bedded on a cushion on the coffee table. Then he went back to the kitchen, where he poured another two cups of tea for Jack and himself and returned to their little room.
He closed the door, sat the mugs down onto the bedside table, then turned to Jack, who sat on the bed, looking at him a little surprised.
He had been going over some adverts in the paper. Ennis couldn’t see if it was work or housing this time, but Jack was determined to find either one. Whereas Ennis only wanted to find one thing at the moment: the familiar feeling of security in Jack‘s arms. Feeling them arms wrapped around him. Feeling him. Feeling, knowing he was really here with him.
But Ennis didn’t know how to ask for it. Looked away. Stood, longing, lost, so close, yet far away. He closed his eyes.
He heard the rustle of paper, felt fingers trailing down his hand, wrapping themselves around his own. Pulling him closer, down onto the mattress and Ennis just gave in, stumbled forward, shins hitting the bed frame, then he awkwardly sank down, half sitting half lying next to Jack. Curled up and into Jack’s side. Slung one arm over Jack’s waist while Jack wrapped him up in his own arms. Not talking, not asking any questions; just holding and being held enough.
A knock on the door.
Ennis’ first reaction was to back away. But there was no need. And no chance.
Jack had already let out an audible “Come in.”
The door opened and a shyly smiling Gwen entered the room.
“Sorry to disturb.”
“You didn’t. What‘s up?”
“Just wanted to let you know that we all will be gone soon. I’m giving Owen and Tosh a lift and Jack will look after Ianto, taking him home and tucking him in. He might be back later, but don’t count on it.
Any alarm will go to Jack’s wrist strap automatically. You’ll be fine here. The main hub and lower levels will lock automatically. But if you want to go out you can always use the tourist office. You know the way, don’t you? The phone numbers for emergencies and such are next to the office phone as well. Call me or Jack. The others need their rest tonight.”
“How is everyone?” Ennis asked a little concerned.
“Oh, they’ll be alright, don’t worry. Good as new in a day or two.”
She tried a lopsided smiled, not convincingly though.
“Good night, you two.”
A small wave, then she closed the door silently. The silence stayed for a long moment before Jack turned to Ennis.
“What happened to the others?”
“Don’t know really.” Ennis shrugged. “Weevil or whatnot. Came back all roughed up when I was down in the kitchen.”
“Didn’t you ask?”
“No, what for? Nothing I could have done about it. Nothing I would know about neither.” Ennis paused. “Made some tea. I felt so stupid, so helpless. And they do it every day. Could get killed every day …” His voice faded.
“So could we,” Jack mused.
“I know,” the whispered reply.
Jack’s arms tightened their grip again.
“Let’s make the best of it.”
Ennis sighed, then looked up.
“Of what? Life in the 21st century or a night alone?”
Jack’s expression changed from earnest to mischievous.
“How about both?”
Ennis took a deep breath. “I’ll … try.”
The tea on the bed side table went cold. Was never drunk in fact.
Epilogue >>
Amazing Counters