Innocence
I have come to the conclusion that in my mind, knowing a girl for a while and then hearing of her having lost her virginity in a seemingly senseless manner is a lot worse then having the same thing happen to a similar guy. What brings this up is that, today, I heard from someone that one of my friends who is female and younger than me, had had sex, and undertones of promiscuity or semi-promiscuity existed thereafter. This event shocked me and utterly broke my heart.
Maybe this is just a realization of how much things can change in a short amount of time. It had been approximately nine months since I last had encountered this girl (because I had recently), and, to me, this development is quite huge, especially when the gap between times seeing her doesn't FEEL that long. ESPECIALLY because the only taining time during junior year is ring dance, which isn't even prom, and summer doesn't feel like it would be, and then you have a few months into senior year. Big deal? Well, I guess so, seeing that she was completely innocent in January.
Or maybe it's my fault that it feels so wrong to me. Here I am knowing nothing about the relationship, but I assume since it's been only nine months that relationship was short lived, and so were the others, if there were others. If one of my girl friends genuinely believes that she has fallen in love and tells me that she's had sex, and is happy about this, I would believe that I'd be happy for her. If it doesn't work out, I'd feel very sympathetic, but then again it's not like what the current situation seems. Loss of innocence and then exploitation of this loss feels ridiculously wrong to me and it just makes me feel angry, really.
When guys tell me that they've had sex, though, it's a congratulatory time. Inherently do I feel that guys are automatically not innocent and thus this is a landmark that deserves praise? That could very well be. BUT, knowing that the sex was bad blood feels terrible to me, and also, if someone told me they lost their virginity to a prostitute, I would just be like "what the fuck" and feel really confused. Yet, if one of my friends comes back and tells me the news, my reaction is more "whoa, cool." This is not how I treat myself, though.
I myself feel that my virginity is as sacred as a girl's. No matter how much I may joke about it or how much I may think about it, sex is a really sensitive subject to me. Here's a true scenario: I had thought at one point in my life that I would absolutely have sex with two girls, no less, but possibly more, of different ethnicities to see if there was a difference (this seems kind of silly because one may assume that everyone's different no matter what, but I personally could not and can not verify that different ethnicities' experiences are not, in fact, just different). On the contrary, though, I have a very idealistic view on losing my virginity. Ideally, I would lose it to the woman that I shall marry. Even more ideally I would lose it to this girl, who is a virgin herself. Realistically, I would like at least like to lose it to someone I love, and believe that this will be the fact in the end. Can I prove that? No. I could be stuck in a situation where I just let it happen and then could feel awful about it later, particularly because I would think about that fact that I could fall in love with a virgin girl who was saving herself for her future husband, and then have to tell her that I did not have the power to do the same thing, and then think of how I actually could have fulfilled the ideal situation. It seems to be the case, though, that these girls would be REALLY hard to find. Girls are losing their virginities all over the place, especially as the years (particularly in the college setting) progress.
Ultimately I would wish my ideal situation upon everyone. But who am I to wish that upon people who just may not care?
Maybe this is just a realization of how much things can change in a short amount of time. It had been approximately nine months since I last had encountered this girl (because I had recently), and, to me, this development is quite huge, especially when the gap between times seeing her doesn't FEEL that long. ESPECIALLY because the only taining time during junior year is ring dance, which isn't even prom, and summer doesn't feel like it would be, and then you have a few months into senior year. Big deal? Well, I guess so, seeing that she was completely innocent in January.
Or maybe it's my fault that it feels so wrong to me. Here I am knowing nothing about the relationship, but I assume since it's been only nine months that relationship was short lived, and so were the others, if there were others. If one of my girl friends genuinely believes that she has fallen in love and tells me that she's had sex, and is happy about this, I would believe that I'd be happy for her. If it doesn't work out, I'd feel very sympathetic, but then again it's not like what the current situation seems. Loss of innocence and then exploitation of this loss feels ridiculously wrong to me and it just makes me feel angry, really.
When guys tell me that they've had sex, though, it's a congratulatory time. Inherently do I feel that guys are automatically not innocent and thus this is a landmark that deserves praise? That could very well be. BUT, knowing that the sex was bad blood feels terrible to me, and also, if someone told me they lost their virginity to a prostitute, I would just be like "what the fuck" and feel really confused. Yet, if one of my friends comes back and tells me the news, my reaction is more "whoa, cool." This is not how I treat myself, though.
I myself feel that my virginity is as sacred as a girl's. No matter how much I may joke about it or how much I may think about it, sex is a really sensitive subject to me. Here's a true scenario: I had thought at one point in my life that I would absolutely have sex with two girls, no less, but possibly more, of different ethnicities to see if there was a difference (this seems kind of silly because one may assume that everyone's different no matter what, but I personally could not and can not verify that different ethnicities' experiences are not, in fact, just different). On the contrary, though, I have a very idealistic view on losing my virginity. Ideally, I would lose it to the woman that I shall marry. Even more ideally I would lose it to this girl, who is a virgin herself. Realistically, I would like at least like to lose it to someone I love, and believe that this will be the fact in the end. Can I prove that? No. I could be stuck in a situation where I just let it happen and then could feel awful about it later, particularly because I would think about that fact that I could fall in love with a virgin girl who was saving herself for her future husband, and then have to tell her that I did not have the power to do the same thing, and then think of how I actually could have fulfilled the ideal situation. It seems to be the case, though, that these girls would be REALLY hard to find. Girls are losing their virginities all over the place, especially as the years (particularly in the college setting) progress.
Ultimately I would wish my ideal situation upon everyone. But who am I to wish that upon people who just may not care?