Yup, We're Gettin' Older
It's crazy how different things are once you hit your mid-twenties. I never thought I'd say this but man were they right. Shit really doesn't begin to start or even begin to make sense until your mid-twenties. That's when you're hit with a big ol' splash of ice cold reality that's sometimes just the perfect temperature and sometimes unbearable. Who the hell did I think I was? The exception to the rule? And I swear when you're in your twenties, a year or two difference in age is a big difference. The younger one usually goes, "oh you're only older by a year" and in the one-year older one's head, "hah! You'll soon find out how much of a difference that one year can make at this point." Seriously. I'm 26 now and I've talked to 24 and 25 year olds who are like, "I'm mature for my age" or "I'm ahead of most people my age" and in my head I just laugh because although all of that is true, it doesn't really mean shit in the face of life. That was me just a year or two ago. I somehow thought I had the maturity of a 30 year old, and to be fair I've been told that by many people. But although that's some people's measure of a 30 year old's maturity, it certainly isn't mine. And what am I doing measuring myself against someone else's ruler anyway? No, my ruler tells me I've barely just reached my potential. I just reached the starting edge of that ruler a couple years back and am slowly making my way up. I have to say, so far I'm liking what I see and it feels so refreshing and freeing to be more myself.
The best part of growing up is having your friends and family grow up with you. Well, I've lost a few along the way and some I've walked away from, but the ones who've stayed, the ones who are still with me, I just appreciate them that much more as the years go by. It's funny to reminisce about the stupid things we did as kids and really amazing to talk about how we see our future. Back then our "future" was what we were going to do that upcoming weekend. Now it's career, goals, family, marriage, and just...life and all of its complexities.
Sometimes these conversations bring me up so high and make me so happy...and other times it makes me so sad because with age comes more responsibilities...and sometimes more heartache and more troubles. Getting laid off, being unhappy in your job, having no direction in your career, regret, heartache, the possibility of a divorce...man, when did things become so complicated?
I don't regret anything that I've done. I will say that I acknowledge I could have made better choices and will remember to do so in the future. Mistakes aren't mistakes so much as they're lessons. It's not that there are bad days; some are just better than others. It's not that he didn't care enough for me, it's more like the timing was just off. Or maybe the timing wasn't off; the timing was just right but he just wasn't meant to stay. I believe people have come into my life for a reason, whether it's for their sake or mine. I need to listen to my heart more, but I need to remember to still keep listening to my mind. Crazy is just a reflection of my issues and is more of a defense mechanism, but she's aight too. I need to learn to walk away sooner so resentment doesn't grow in my heart, although I must say this is already something I'm pretty good at. Maybe I'm too good at it. Maybe cold turkey isn't always the best option, especially when my heart is still stuck on someone. Or maybe it doesn't matter what I do now because the universe seems to be on my side and what will be will be. Or...maybe I think too much and I need to learn to just...let go...
But most of all, maybe I just need a little more faith, learn to relax more, and just keep doing what I'm doing because the universe listens...and since I'm determined to be happy and successful, I'm sure that's exactly what's in store for me.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
The best part of growing up is having your friends and family grow up with you. Well, I've lost a few along the way and some I've walked away from, but the ones who've stayed, the ones who are still with me, I just appreciate them that much more as the years go by. It's funny to reminisce about the stupid things we did as kids and really amazing to talk about how we see our future. Back then our "future" was what we were going to do that upcoming weekend. Now it's career, goals, family, marriage, and just...life and all of its complexities.
Sometimes these conversations bring me up so high and make me so happy...and other times it makes me so sad because with age comes more responsibilities...and sometimes more heartache and more troubles. Getting laid off, being unhappy in your job, having no direction in your career, regret, heartache, the possibility of a divorce...man, when did things become so complicated?
I don't regret anything that I've done. I will say that I acknowledge I could have made better choices and will remember to do so in the future. Mistakes aren't mistakes so much as they're lessons. It's not that there are bad days; some are just better than others. It's not that he didn't care enough for me, it's more like the timing was just off. Or maybe the timing wasn't off; the timing was just right but he just wasn't meant to stay. I believe people have come into my life for a reason, whether it's for their sake or mine. I need to listen to my heart more, but I need to remember to still keep listening to my mind. Crazy is just a reflection of my issues and is more of a defense mechanism, but she's aight too. I need to learn to walk away sooner so resentment doesn't grow in my heart, although I must say this is already something I'm pretty good at. Maybe I'm too good at it. Maybe cold turkey isn't always the best option, especially when my heart is still stuck on someone. Or maybe it doesn't matter what I do now because the universe seems to be on my side and what will be will be. Or...maybe I think too much and I need to learn to just...let go...
But most of all, maybe I just need a little more faith, learn to relax more, and just keep doing what I'm doing because the universe listens...and since I'm determined to be happy and successful, I'm sure that's exactly what's in store for me.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."