And this is what likes when worlds collide....
Lets see,well,watching over my sweet 15 DVD today,i was forced to watch
myself walking around in this enormous pink dress,obviously fatter then
i am now,and looking so diffrent, even my mother admits it was the time
when i would still let her pick out what to wear.Ugh.Before so many
things about me were so diffrent.I didn't wear any make up at all,in
fact i actually frowned upon girls who wore too much of it, this was
freshmen year in high school.I also used to wear whatever,jeans,weird
beige pants (with lace up things or something),any type of tee
shirts.Now i limit myself to black.Black baggy pants,band
shirts,corsets,and what not.Not that i'm not happy with myself, i mean
i am, i'm comfortable and thats what matters, i just feel like before i
wouldn't even fall into any groups,when i looked normal.Just another
face.I would even be made fun of a lot.I was the typical lost teenager
starving for a place in society. But then i just stopped,ignored my
mom's opionin,ignored the stares,ignored the people i'd let bother me,
i realized that too, i was so weak i actually allowed people to use me.
But now i wear make up,thick black eyeliner,dark crimson lipstick,i
hardly seem to be the same 15 year old i used to be.The same shit
happened to me, i felt similar to how i feel now,i just look diffrent
in the way i express my liking now.I also find myself much more often
depressed or pensive then happy.It always seems like happiness is only
an act,like theres more ways to be disapointed or put down then ways to
be happy or destroy happiness.When i wear jeans today i get stared at
weird because it seems diffrent coming from me,when i used to do it all
the time.it's sort of amusing,to find it morbid to be normal.Or what
normal is seen today to be.Tomorrow there is no school, so i'm hoping
to be able to do somthing,like roller blade or something, i haven't in
awhile and i heart rollarworld.Poetry club was interesting Wes.,people
self titled me poem analizer which is funny,most poems are commone
sense,or at least some parts symbolize something,and i usually
understand that, but in high school i guess it makes me a genius. Ha,go
figure.Comprehension,common sense, a gift.