i feel like i dealt with this more wrong than i have ever dealt with anything. or at least, the things i've dealt with for the past few months. i feel like i should just let myself have dealt with it wrong. accept that, move on. and i feel like this is easier said than done. i feel like. i hate doing things wrong. hate hate hate all the ( Read more... )

moving backward at an alarming pace

(it's all so harmless when you phrase it like that)

writing, but not making sense -- 
failing to communicate

i have too much time on my hands

trying to be more honest with myself, which means being unhappy if i'm unhappy -- sharing it with people, being angry and feeling helpless and.  but letting other people know, care, help if they can.  when i don't i start feeling alone - lonely - broken.  crazy (crazier.  because on the whole, i generally do sound pretty crazy.  that's okay, though ( Read more... )

there is something to be said for your stomach twisting up in knots -- for regretting every possible action in a given situation, even those you don't take ( Read more... )

I'm so sick of this.  I don't know what turns a good day into a bad day, a good week into a bad week.  I don't know why...  Why.  I just want.

Wait, I think it is best explained in lolcat:

HAI.  PLS CAN HAZ HAPPY PILLS NAO?

Semi-depressed and anti social, which means -- i should probably go socialise.  But instead I'm going to stay home and clean and probably not eat because my stomach is all in knots and I feel like I did something wrong and right now that's just...  more than I can deal with.  Tea, though.  I have some 'mexican sweet chili' yogi tea that is all ( Read more... )

once i made myself slow and thick, slumbered upon those cold stones.

once i breathed in the dawn air; cool, orange, blue.

once this pounding behind my eyes was a story you told me, that i did not solicit, that i did not --

"and i stand and solicit graffitti until he needs the land i stand on -- the plot, hard to follow..."

don't get me wrong, these ( Read more... )

context is everything.

normative gender roles are constricting (and, one might venture, wrong on a human rights level)

It seems that having a job and not compromising myself are mutually exclusive propositions.  

I hate people.

Which usually means that I hate reactionaries and conservatives and bigots.  But today mostly means that I hate myself.  (blah, blah, angst)

mixtapes, blue toes, drama

I miss --

andhearts for tomorrow morning, though.  (hopefully)

(hopefully)

Learning how to talk.

this is my suicide dress ( Read more... )