The Space Between Us- Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9: I'm Guided By a Signal in the Heavens
Back to Chapter 8
"Cavil sent her back to the Galactica," the Four assured her as he did her ultrasound. "I've told you that."
"I don't understand why though," Sarah insisted. "He was determined to open her head and-"
"Sarah," the Four said, exasperated, "do you really think that that would have worked?"
"Of course it wouldn't have worked," Sarah said. "But that doesn't mean he wouldn't have done it. Even you have to admit that."
The Four didn't answer, but his silence was agreement. He looked at the ultrasound screen again. "The fetus is thriving so far," he said dully.
"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?" Sarah asked.
"Too early." He was dismissive. "But you're past the worst danger. It may be that this pregnancy is viable after all." He frowned. "Sarah? Do you believe that you were chosen?"
"No," Sarah said definitively. "I know I should, but I don't. I really don't."
"Why not?"
She shrugged. "Ellen told me something. She said that when they created us, they made us all the same, but gave us free will. Those choices we make shape who we are. And when she said it, I could see the truth in it. What made me so different than the Eight that loved you? What makes us so different from Boomer? But I was chosen, just not by God. Jesse chose me, and I chose him. To have all that we are together reduced to a decision a deity made, rather than the accumulation of our experiences together… it devalues what love is."
"I see." The Four studied the screen a little too intently.
Sarah sat up. "You loved her, and she loved you. I know that. I've never questioned that, even though she brought us here. Do you want everything about her, every decision she made concerning you to be an act of God? Or do you want it to be an act of her?"
"Which all makes sense for love. But you're pregnant."
Sarah shrugged. "Maybe it's a reward," she offered. "Or a blessing. Or even a curse, if Cavil takes this baby and then wipes my memory. But that's the best I can do."
"A reward," he said hollowly.
"Or maybe it's all random and completely luck. How the frak should I know?" Sarah snapped.
The Four leaned over and snapped the sonogram monitor off. "You're done," he said.
Sarah bit her lip. "I didn't mean to offend you," she said, which was about the closest she could come to an apology to him.
"You didn't." He walked over and put his hand to the data stream. "Get dressed. I'll take you back to your cell."
***
Dee was sitting on the floor cross-legged, playing with a set of jacks. Felix watched her, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he sat against the wall. Across the cell, Brooks snored and turned over. Sarah slept quietly, her cheek resting on her neatly folded hands.
"It wouldn't kill you to talk to me while the others are awake," Dee said.
"You understand why I don't," Felix responded.
"Yes. Did you ever actually walk in on Baltar with her?"
"A few times. I pretended I didn't notice."
"But you totally checked him out," Dee said with a wicked grin.
"Stop that," Felix said, feeling sick. Dee gave him one of her looks, and he sighed. "Look, it's not that I didn't, because we both know that I'd be lying. It's just… gods, Dee, I don't even want to think about it."
"You're good at that."
"Come on. It's not like you thought about Billy a lot once you got together with Lee."
"I didn't say you didn't have good reasons." Dee bounced the ball and scooped up four jacks. "You do still think about him though."
"Well, yes. He was a big part of my life," Felix said disgustedly. "That doesn't mean I want to go back to it."
"Do you think about Louis?"
"Dee, for a messenger of God, if that's what you are, you're pretty stupid."
"I know the answer," Dee said, bouncing the ball again and going for fives. "I just want to see if you do."
Felix sighed. "All the time," he admitted, closing his eyes. "Gods, Dee, if I could just see him once more…" He fell silent, thinking of all the things he wanted to say.
"You'll see him again," Dee said casually.
"I don't think so, Dee. Unless you're about to give me a lecture about God and the other side."
"No. You'll see him again in this world."
"No I won't. Adama thinks we're dead by now. If he ever launched a rescue mission, it failed. He's not coming after a pile of corpses."
"No, Adama knows you're alive. Ellen's on Galactica, remember?"
Felix froze. "Oh, gods…" he whispered, when he found his voice. If Ellen was on Galactica, that meant Adama would know they were here. That they were alive. And if they could manage to send a message…
"What would that message say?" Dee asked him softly. "He knows you're alive now. It's not a beacon anymore."
"We could… we could tell them how to get to us. Tell them where we are. Tell them…"
"Tell them you could take down the defenses, if only for a short time. After all, the Colony must have a hybrid, right? And if the Colony is essentially the Cylon base…"
"The other hybrids would be linked to her. Like a master and a slave drive." Felix's eyes widened, and he reached over and grabbed his crutches. "Sarah," he called, before he even managed to stand. He hopped over, leaning heavily on the hated crutches, and then bent down and shook her awake.
"What is it?" she asked, coming awake slowly and rubbing her eyes.
"We need to talk," Felix said. "I've got an idea, and I need to know how feasible it is."
***
"Shut down the hybrids?" Brooks asked. "How the frak are you going to do that?"
"I'm hoping Sarah can tell us. Do you think it's possible?"
"Shutting down a hybrid is easy," Sarah admitted. "There's a plug. It's that simple- any moron could do it. That is, assuming we can get to the hybrids, and the hybrids for the Colony are configured like the hybrids for the baseships."
"One step at a time," Gaeta said, but Sarah could see he was already thinking they could.
"The thing is," she said, "that would simply disarm the Colony. Those baseships, the Raiders, the heavy raiders… they're all still active."
"What if we did more than just shut down the hybrids?" Brooks asked. "What if we shot them?"
Sarah shook with the effort to restrain herself from punching him. "You don't shoot a hybrid," she said through clenched teeth. "There are just some things that you do not do." She ground out the last three words like they were bullets.
Brooks was unperturbed. "You wouldn't. But as far as I'm concerned, nuking twelve worlds full of people- many of whom weren't even alive when your gripe with humanity began- is just something you don't do, either. If you can't shoot one of them, I will."
She saw red, and she was frozen in her seat. But Gaeta shook his head.
"It's probably not the best idea," he told Brooks. "If she's so against it, there are two answers: either they've been programmed to think that way because shooting the hybrid would destroy everything, or it truly is sacred to them, and therefore it's never been tested. And I'd say one answer is as likely as the other. What we need is to shut down all of the hybrids, disable all of the ships." He looked at Sarah. "Can you program a hybrid?"
Her anger had receded a little, but it flared again. "Program a hybrid?" she demanded.
"Hey, I was only asking!" Gaeta said, holding up his hands. "Would you remember for two seconds that we're human?"
"It's kind of hard to forget it," Sarah growled. She reined her temper in. "A hybrid doesn't work that way," she said. "You can communicate with it, you can interface with it, but you can't program it." She thought about it. "A hybrid takes orders when all of the models are in agreement. It can be overridden, but I'm guessing that it requires the input of a One."
"Although it can act on its own, right?" Gaeta pushed. "That's what happened when the baseship jumped away when Roslin was on board." His recollection of that was fuzzy, but he was almost positive that's what Louis had told him.
"It can," Sarah agreed. "But we can't dictate how that will happen."
"Well, what if we shot one of them?" Brooks asked. "Would that throw the others into enough of a state of panic that it would shut things down?"
"Or jump us," Gaeta said. "And that sends any hope of rescue right out the window." He stared into space for a moment, and then jerked back to reality, eyes wide. "But what about the fact that you're pregnant?" he asked Sarah. "Is that something a hybrid would acknowledge? Something that would give you some sort of higher status in the Cylon world? Can you play the destiny card? Touched by God? Vessel of love, save the baby, shut down the Colony long enough for the shape of things to come to get the hell out?"
"That's probably the best thought you've had yet."
They all turned, and for a wild moment Sarah thought that they were done. But it wasn't just any Four, it was their Four, the one that had been treating them since they got here. His eyes were dark and angry, his arms crossed. But what caught Sarah's attention was the way he was dressed. He'd always favored tighter clothing than most of the Fours, but it still had the same conservative professionalism to it. Now, he was wearing jeans, and his shirt was a green that the Fours normally wouldn't consider wearing. She moved over.
The Four came over and sat down beside her, folding his legs underneath him. "If you can figure out a way to shut down the hybrids, I'll get you to the first one, at least," he said. "And I've also got a way for you to send a message."
"What?"
"There was a Five that found out about Ellen," the Four said, leaning in. "He was helping her a bit. He didn't think that Cavil noticed, but he did. Cavil had him boxed, and had his memories wiped. But he saved them, just in case he needed them. I accessed the file, and I found that the Five modified one of the cables in here. It's meant to regulate the water supply in the head, but with a little tweaking, we can get it to access the mainframe. If you send the signal," he said, nodding at Sarah, "I encode your message, shroud it. The baseship will realize it's truly yours, but we'll be able to get it out of the Colony without Cavil realizing that it's an Eight's handiwork."
Sarah nodded, but Brooks and Gaeta both looked wary. "Why are you helping us?" Brooks asked. "I mean, what's in it for you?"
"Well, let's be clear on this. My Eight tried to come back to me. She saw that love was more important than the petty differences we had, and she came back. She was willing to make an effort. Cavil couldn't forgive. And when he shot her…" the Four broke off, shaking his head. "It's not the grief for her that drives me to do this. It's the grief for what Cylons have become. We've taken all of the worst from you humans, but none of the best. I can't stay here knowing that.
"So this is what I want. I help you get off the Colony. When we get to the Fleet, I am a citizen. I have complete clemency for everything I've done in the past, and my way is free to make my own future."
"That's all?" Brooks said, when it became apparent that the Four wasn't going to add anything else.
"That's the most you've got to give me," the Four said.
Gaeta leaned forward, his hand extended. "I'm the Senior Officer of the Watch," he told the Four. "It's not command, but it's high enough in the command structure that I can talk to Adama. I can't promise you that Adama will listen, but given what he already promised the Cylons, I think there's a good chance. If you help us out, I will do everything I can to make sure you get what you ask for. We need a partner."
The Four nodded, and then took Gaeta's hand. "You've got one."
***
"Don't send the message quite yet," Dee told Felix. She watched as he limped from one end of the room to the other on his prosthetic, leaning heavily on the crutches. The Four was strict about the amount of time that Felix should spend on the prosthetic- no more, no less.
"Why not?" Felix asked. He had to admit that this was easier now, and didn't even want to think about how much time that meant they'd been in this room.
"There's another way to shut down the hybrids," Dee said. She sat down on the bed that Sarah slept on. "Someone they'll listen to even more readily than Sarah. Someone they revere more than they revere Sarah."
"Revere?" Felix asked, limping. "The only person I can think they would actually revere more would be a member of the Final Five."
"Nope. Guess again."
"Oh, this has become a guessing game now?" He reached the wall and turned around. "Well, not the Final Five then. Starbuck? Everybody worships her."
"I could trip you, you know," Dee said.
"Joking." He thought about it, and then shrugged. "Hera," he said finally. "If there's anyone the Cylons worship, it's Hera."
"Exactly," Dee said smugly.
"Well, yeah, but it's not like Hera's going to show up on this ship," Felix said. "Even if she dies, she can't resurrect, even if she could have before. And Cavil isn't going to be able to have people walk right onto the shi… oh my gods." He froze. "Oh, gods, that's why they went back to Galactica, isn't it? They're after Hera!"
"The shape of things to come," Dee agreed. "I really don't know what Cavil will get out of her, to be honest. She's a little girl."
"Is she special?" Felix asked.
"We're all special in the gods' eyes," Dee sing-songed.
"You know what I mean."
"I do. The answer isn't really simple. But it makes sense."
"Mmm." It did, but Felix wasn't sure how to talk the others into it. Explaining that he'd been hallucinating his best friend and she told him that Hera was coming didn't seem like the best idea. "How long do I have to wait?"
"Just hold them off for a few days," Dee said. "It won't be long."
A few days. He thought of the way things were coming together, of the fire that was animating Sarah and Brooks now. There was no way he could get them to hold off based on the word of someone they couldn't even see. "No," he said. "I'm not sure I can."
Dee looked up at the ceiling.
Felix sighed. "Oh, gods," he muttered. "I have to try, don't I? This is why you showed me…."
Dee smiled at him. "I'll help you through it. But if you do it, Felix… I promise. You'll get home."
***
The Four slipped in, carrying a medical bag. He checked Sarah's vitals with a bored expression on his face, and then glanced back over his shoulder. The Centurion guards had retreated back to their posts.
"We're going to have to reprogram them," he said.
"Or you could remove their inhibitors," Sarah shot back.
The Four glared at her. "Because that would ensure that they're going to do exactly what we need them to do," he said mockingly. "We can't be fooling around with free will at that particular moment."
Sarah pressed her lips together so hard that her mouth turned white at the corners. Felix swallowed hard, hoping that they'd disagree enough that he wouldn't have to… over in the corner, Dee shook her head at him. She was dressed in her duty blues today, her hair slicked back into her customary neat ponytail, all business. All warrior.
"He's right," Brooks put in. "I mean, chances are if we tell the Centurions that Cavil's enslaved them, they'll help us. But it would be our luck that they'd shoot us first, or not believe us." He was fingering his Poseidon medallion as he spoke. He'd been doing that more and more since they'd struck their alliance with the Four, Felix noticed. Sarah nodded tightly, capitulating.
"All right," Dee told Felix. "It's time."
He glared at her. The Four came over and gestured for Felix to sit. Felix obeyed. As the Four pushed up the ragged, frayed cloth that covered his stump, Felix took a deep breath. "Here's the thing," he said. "I'm starting to think we should wait a few days."
"Getting cold feet?" Sarah said. Brooks stared at her. "What?" she asked, and then realized what she'd said. "Oh."
"It's not cold feet," Felix spat out, annoyed that Dee was even smirking. "It's something else."
"Well?" Brooks asked, when Felix didn't speak.
"What if Ellen didn't really escape?" Felix asked. "What if she and Boomer went back to Galactica for a reason?"
"We haven't heard of any plans for an assault," the Four said. "Cavil wouldn't be keeping that so close to his chest, believe me."
"I don't think it's an assault," Felix said. He looked at Brooks. "Has Cavil ever asked you where the Fleet is?"
"No," Brooks said cautiously, "but I just assumed he figured we didn't know. They must have jumped by now."
"And he's never asked me, either. He knows where the Fleet is, I think. And he must have had a reason for not blowing us all up."
"Of course he did," Sarah said. "The Final Five and Hera Agathon."
"Hera Agathon," Felix agreed slowly. "How much do you want to bet that Cavil sent Boomer and Ellen after her?"
"No," Brooks said. "That can't be right. Cavil's got to know that the minute Boomer sets foot on Galactica, the best thing that could happen to her is that she'll end up right down in the brig. And that's only if someone doesn't shoot her on sight. How can he possibly expect her to get Hera?"
"And is it so hard to believe that she's not Cavil's unthinking minion?" Sarah demanded.
"Maybe Boomer's the distraction," Felix said. "Maybe Ellen will bring Hera back here."
The Four's eyes lit with recognition. "You think Hera is going to be on the Colony?"
"Yes." As he said it out loud, Felix was relieved to find that it sounded less ridiculous than he thought it would. "And I think that if she is, the hybrids will listen to her." That, on the other hand…
"No, it's okay," Dee reassured him. "You're doing fine."
The Four smirked. "I'll concede that Cavil may very well be after Hera. It's certainly not out of the realm of possibility, and he wouldn't tell any of us in case he fails. But that the hybrids would listen to Hera? She's just a little girl!"
"I've seen how the Cylons treat her," Felix insisted stubbornly. "She's not just a little girl to you."
"LT," Brooks jumped in, "even if you're right about that, it's what we were talking about before. Too much uncertainty. Too much risk."
"That whole part of the plan is risky," Felix pointed out. "We don't know that the hybrids will listen to Sarah, either."
"But we at least have Sarah," the Four pointed out. "Look, the longer we delay this, the more of a chance Cavil has of catching us. And if he does, none of it will matter anymore. Unless you can offer me a more compelling reason-"
"A messenger from God told me so," Felix blurted.
The room was filled with the loudest silence he'd ever heard.
The Four spoke first. "Aren't you an atheist?" he asked.
"Agnostic, but…" Felix's eyes narrowed.
"Hmmm," Dee said. "Wonder how he knew that. Might be a good time to find out, don't you think?"
"How did you know that?" Felix asked. The Four didn't even have to answer; Felix knew. He'd always known, he realized, ever since he'd set foot on this Colony and seen his Eight die in this Four's arms. "She told you, didn't she?"
"Maybe she did," the Four said. He looked away.
"She told you a lot of things about me, didn't she?" Felix pressed. "You knew that she was helping me. You knew about the lists." A cold chill passed over him. "And you knew what she was doing."
"I did."
She killed them. She killed them. I killed them, I handed them all right to her…
"No, Felix," Dee whispered. She was suddenly at his side, her hand on his. "Stay with us here."
"Did she tell you that I didn't know? She probably thought I was quite a sap, didn't she?"
"She was pretty sure you didn't know," he agreed. "That was kind of the point. It crossed her mind once or twice you might have known, but were playing along because you saw which side was going to win and were cementing your allegiance, but it didn't fit with all of the other data we'd collected about you."
"Like that I was a frakking idiot and a sap."
The Four sighed. "Well, you're the one that just announced that a messenger of God told you that Hera will be on the Colony, so I'm going to come out and say 'yes'." He shook his head. "When did you catch on, anyway? When you got back to Galactica? When you looked over the manifests?"
Brooks was looking back and forth between them. "What are you talking about?"
"The Eight," Felix said, turning to him and Sarah. "The one that brought us here. I told you I knew her on New Caprica. She told me she'd help me… that she'd get people out of detention, if I only gave her names. And like an idiot, I believed her." His throat closed up.
"You did more than believe her," the Four scowled. "And what does all this have to do with your messenger of God?"
"She's the one that told me about the lists," Felix ground out.
"Come on," the Four scowled. "You could have easily figured that out yourself. Even if you say you had no idea, you must have had some clue. After all, we're all quite aware that you're the one who handed over information to the Resistance. And you never told her, never trusted her. You must have had your reasons for that. You easily could have conjured this all up from your subconscious, and manifested it in a human form to make it more palatable to yourself."
"Tell him you know about the baby," Dee prompted.
"I know about the baby," Felix repeated without thinking, and then turned to glare at her. "Wait. What baby?"
"Gaeta?" Sarah asked. "Who are you… oh, my God."
Dee ignored her. "The Eight was pregnant," she prompted. "She didn't know it on New Caprica. She found out on the baseship."
"Oh, gods," Felix whispered. "The Eight was pregnant," he said to the Four. "And she didn't know it on New Caprica."
The Four was staring at him, his lips gaping open.
"She miscarried at eleven weeks," Dee told him.
"She miscarried at eleven weeks," Felix said, and he didn't even have to look at Dee to know what she was saying. "And when they did tests, they found out the baby was mine, not yours." He desperately wanted to throw up.
"But I knew that," Sarah protested. "And Caprica Six did, too."
"Yeah, but Gaeta really didn't," Brooks said as Felix sat down.
"It's a logical conclusion. A lucky guess," Sarah insisted.
"Or a miracle," Brooks said. "For someone who's so convinced that there's only one God, why is it so hard to accept that he's seen a messenger?"
Sarah shook her head frantically, but the Four was shaking. "What does it look like?" he said, peering over at where Dee was standing and seeing nothing. "Is it a shining being of light? A halo?"
"It looks like my best friend from Galactica," Felix said quietly, his eyes back on Dee. "I think it really is her."
"She died by suicide," Brooks said softly, sitting down. "This might be some sort of redemption."
That was the moment that Felix knew that Brooks believed him. It was the strangest feeling, to tell someone that he'd been spoken to by God and have them believe, even though there was no real proof. After all, Sarah and the Four had only used arguments Felix had gone over in his head hundreds of times before.
"Why me?" he asked Dee suddenly. "I'm the one standing in this room that's never really been sure if there is a God, or gods, or anything like that."
Dee just smiled.
The Four was still staring, as if staring harder would make Dee appear. "All right," he finally said. "I'm willing to wait. At least for a bit. Because if God is telling you to wait, it might be a good idea to listen. And worst case, I don't think we stand to lose too much."
Dee smiled. "It won't be long," she said to Felix. "I promise." She walked over, kissed him on the forehead, and then disappeared.
Brooks cleared his throat. "So, we're in agreement, Sarah?" he asked. "We'll wait?"
Sarah shrugged. "I guess so. God can't be ignored." She sat down slowly next to Brooks. "I was just really ready to get home."
"Yeah," Felix agreed. He limped over and sat down beside her. "Me, too."
The Four looked at them sympathetically. "Hang in there," he told them, as he gathered up his things. "We will get there." He turned around and left.
The three of them sat together in silence.
***
"Are we crazy?" Sarah asked Brooks quietly while Gaeta was in the head. "Trusting him?"
"No," Brooks said. "I think the better word is 'desperate.' Or do you mean Gaeta?"
"I mean Gaeta. A messenger from God?" Sarah was still dubious.
Brooks shrugged. "It's not like she's telling us to create a diversion by running naked through the Colony while Felix plugs himself into the ship because he's really a Cylon," he said. "What he's saying makes sense."
"But do you really believe-"
"I don't know what I believe anymore," Brooks cut her off. "At least, not about this. But I do know that Gaeta is one of the sharpest guys I've ever met. Maybe it's a message from the gods, maybe it is his subconscious that worked all this out and he's quietly going crazy. But I trust the gods, and I trust Lieutenant Gaeta. Either way, I'm willing to follow."
For some reason, that made Sarah feel better.
***
The other two were asleep, but Felix couldn't drift off. He couldn't move, couldn't close his eyes, couldn't do anything but sit there, with his good leg drawn up against his chest.
"Are you okay?" Dee asked softly, sitting down beside him.
He didn't look at her. "I've still been trying not to think about it," he said quietly. "You showed me, and I still kept it from myself. All of that… all of those names… and now it's real."
"It's always been real," Dee said.
"How can I live with myself, Dee?" he asked. His eyes were burning, and his nose was beginning to clog up. "I killed them. I killed them just as sure as if I put the guns to their heads and shot them all myself."
"I'm not going to absolve you," Dee said, "but you didn't kill them."
"But I-"
"Felix, they were already in detention. They were already under the Cylons' thumbs and the Cylons were killing prisoners anyway. You were a convenient excuse, not an executioner."
"I singled them out."
"Your intentions were good."
"The road to Hell-"
"Your intentions were good," Dee repeated. She ran her fingers through his curls and pulled him so his head rested against her breast. "You made mistakes. You trusted her too easily, and she fooled you. But what happened wasn't black and white. You weren't completely innocent, but you were nowhere near as guilty as you're making yourself believe. She killed them, Felix."
She might not really be there, but she was solid under his cheek, he was sure of that. "I don't know what I'm going to do when I get home, Dee. How will I face anyone ever again? How will I face Louis again?"
Dee was silent for a long time, her fingers playing with his hair. Finally, she said, "Louis loves you. And no matter what you think, he's never been under any illusions about you. He knows who you are, and he has his own past."
"The Pegasus," Felix murmured. "And the Scylla."
"See?" Dee said. "It will be all right. Go to sleep, Felix. You need it."
He wanted to, but as he lay against Dee, he felt the hot tears began to spill silently down his face, and he knew that this was really the rest that he needed.
On to Chapter 10