Why can't I
Why can't I ever be the girl a guy is absolutely crazy about? Why do I always seem to momentarilly attract those guys who are insane over an ex of theirs? Do they just flock to me then realize I couldn't ever be someone they cared for? I for once want a guy who isn't tainted. I've dealt with shit from guys too, do you see me obsessing over them??? Maybe for a small amount of time, but I try my hardest not to let it affect the relationships in the future.
If I could just have someone love me the way that Mike loved Brittni, the way Matt loved Loni, the way Andy loves Chelsie...but unfortunately, I'm just meant to be a toy. Toss me around, like I have no heart, no feelings. Nothing of substance. Just another dumb blonde, for a little fun. But not worth spending your money or even your time on. I'm always there for you, because I have this great trait of caring about people so much, that I would do absolutely anything for a friend. Even if they end up doing nothing for me. Nothing but chipping off another piece of my heart.
What about me is so forgettable? What about me is so horrible?
Am I purposely deterring myself from going to another relationship by finding guys who I have no chance with, because I'm scared of completley giving my heart away, yet again, only to have it ripped apart, yet again.
I try to be so understanding, I really do. But somethings I just can't comprehend.
I know I'm only 18. But, I don't care. Its happened too many times.
Maybe I'm so into Andy, because he reminds me so much of Brian. Gawd, I hate myself. I am not over Brian. I will never BE over Brian. And I understand that. I understand that and I go on. Why can't these guys ever realize that? You never get over your first love.
Anyways, I have to go get ready to go out to a party with Andy...yah, despite all of this, I can't keep myself out of these situations. I knew ahead of time he was still in love with his ex. But, did it stop me? No. of course not. As always, I blame myself.
If I could just have someone love me the way that Mike loved Brittni, the way Matt loved Loni, the way Andy loves Chelsie...but unfortunately, I'm just meant to be a toy. Toss me around, like I have no heart, no feelings. Nothing of substance. Just another dumb blonde, for a little fun. But not worth spending your money or even your time on. I'm always there for you, because I have this great trait of caring about people so much, that I would do absolutely anything for a friend. Even if they end up doing nothing for me. Nothing but chipping off another piece of my heart.
What about me is so forgettable? What about me is so horrible?
Am I purposely deterring myself from going to another relationship by finding guys who I have no chance with, because I'm scared of completley giving my heart away, yet again, only to have it ripped apart, yet again.
I try to be so understanding, I really do. But somethings I just can't comprehend.
I know I'm only 18. But, I don't care. Its happened too many times.
Maybe I'm so into Andy, because he reminds me so much of Brian. Gawd, I hate myself. I am not over Brian. I will never BE over Brian. And I understand that. I understand that and I go on. Why can't these guys ever realize that? You never get over your first love.
Anyways, I have to go get ready to go out to a party with Andy...yah, despite all of this, I can't keep myself out of these situations. I knew ahead of time he was still in love with his ex. But, did it stop me? No. of course not. As always, I blame myself.