should i stay or should i go....
tonight i learned another thing about myself that I've secretly known for awhile...music is my passion, i cant sing but i know i need to do something in it, priduce it, guitar, drums..anything...its the one thing that keeps me sane and on track during such hard times, the one band that does is Pearl Jam...i bought their new cd tonight of 'lost dogs' or previously unreleased hits, with I believe 4 exceptions. Anyway, the cd is amazing..it makes me teary eyed, joyful, and angry at the world at the same time. That to me, is music at its purest form. -- to have emotions in a song written by someone else for a totally different reason than why you are listening it and interpreting it is amazing and talented....maybe I can do that..maybe I am gonna try, but unfortunately Eddie Vedder doesn't try to make good lyrics andsongs..he just does, its a born talent which I may or may not posess, we'll see. What gave me these crazy thoughts and realixation that music is my passion..a movie..called 'School of Rock' -- i seen kids doing stuff i've always wanted to go, play guitar, sing, play drums..but sorry, not play keyboard! I mean, this is what i want to do...i want to learn everything i can about writing music, playing music, recording it, producing it...and I will.
onto more personal news.....Shay went out tonight and so did I, we both had lives for once! haha...but anyway, its weird loving someone but them not being right there when your having a good time..its a difficult feeling to express, knowing your in love with someone and vice versa and not being able to see them all the time for the current moment and even the next day or the next...but knowing you will is sometimes not enough to overcome a emptiness in my gut that I want to be with Shay forever, I do..she is the one person who makes me at ease, carefree, and unknowing of pain that exists in the world...when im talking to her on the phone or internet - nothing else matters, literally. I am not an easy person to understand, I am rude and obnoxious at times, and arrogant in my own way, but Shay doesn't seem to make a note of it..she just accepts it and goes with it...its amazing, i have a beautiful and stunning girl that loves me and still I'm complaining about distance and time together...what is wrong with me? God, who if anyone knows me i wasn't a believer in till recently...has sent me something that many people don't find their entire life..he/she/it sent me a beautiful creation in his own image to love me and to make me a better person...does shay deserve better? Yes, i hope I can be what shay deserve in life..but i doubt I ever could be, I would give shay the world and the solar system if i could - but she deserves more..she deserves more than the world can possibly offer - let alone me. However, right now as I sit here listening to 'Last kiss' (songs changed) i know I love shay, i do..she is everything I could imagine in a girl - which ive said before..bt its true, no girl I can see here or anywhere can compare to her, i am in love - which I thought was never possible. Shay,....thank you for giving me that one chance into your world..the journey has yet to begin, but it holds the greatest tale to be told.
onto more personal news.....Shay went out tonight and so did I, we both had lives for once! haha...but anyway, its weird loving someone but them not being right there when your having a good time..its a difficult feeling to express, knowing your in love with someone and vice versa and not being able to see them all the time for the current moment and even the next day or the next...but knowing you will is sometimes not enough to overcome a emptiness in my gut that I want to be with Shay forever, I do..she is the one person who makes me at ease, carefree, and unknowing of pain that exists in the world...when im talking to her on the phone or internet - nothing else matters, literally. I am not an easy person to understand, I am rude and obnoxious at times, and arrogant in my own way, but Shay doesn't seem to make a note of it..she just accepts it and goes with it...its amazing, i have a beautiful and stunning girl that loves me and still I'm complaining about distance and time together...what is wrong with me? God, who if anyone knows me i wasn't a believer in till recently...has sent me something that many people don't find their entire life..he/she/it sent me a beautiful creation in his own image to love me and to make me a better person...does shay deserve better? Yes, i hope I can be what shay deserve in life..but i doubt I ever could be, I would give shay the world and the solar system if i could - but she deserves more..she deserves more than the world can possibly offer - let alone me. However, right now as I sit here listening to 'Last kiss' (songs changed) i know I love shay, i do..she is everything I could imagine in a girl - which ive said before..bt its true, no girl I can see here or anywhere can compare to her, i am in love - which I thought was never possible. Shay,....thank you for giving me that one chance into your world..the journey has yet to begin, but it holds the greatest tale to be told.