this is my last week home...

[musicphean99]

its been a weird vacation...i have not really much much at all to even call it a vacation, i've sat at home, played video games, got drunk once (new years eve), and then..well nothing...i've even kind of gotten bored with working out...i've lost 40 lbs and now it seems im starting to go back to my old ways of eatting late at night, sleeping all day, and just in a blah mood....maybe the world is just weird right now..honestly, im in love with someone who i can tell is the girl i should be with, she is incredible, we talk and laugh and everything - it's really amazing that one year ago on this date i was in the deepest depression of my life with my ex-girlfriend...2003 was a horrible year, a lot of stuff happened that I would like to forget - but can i? should i? what if everything from the past was wiped away, was it to show maturity? what proves change?...will the same mistakes be made again if given the same situation....i've been in college only 5 full semesters but i am a changed person, i've loved and lost, i've almost died, i found pure lust entertaining, and i died within myself for nearly two years for what? to learn more.....i have matured in the last 6 months more than anytime in my life..i dont go create drama anymore, i don't put people down (unless its neccesary)..and i don't give a shit about money or cars or power, i just want life to be fun again, like it was when high school ended, that is cliche' but its quite true in my situation...life is turning around again after the past 3 years of facing the darker side of the world. (forgive my punctuation)..last week, i told someone i loved them, i have not even met the person but by some magical touch - we both feel the same, its mutual, this girl is gonna be the best thing to happen to me in a long time..i can feel it, never have i been so excited about something non material, what is it about her? she gives off this ora (sp?)..of happiness and confidence, thought she says she is insecure..i doubt it, she seems to be the light i need to get out of a hole i dug myself in to. personally, i've never been happier or more excited to meet a person, i'm usually a loner who has learned not to say much - but she brings out the kid in me..and i love it..and her.

till next time...
rob