So...this is awkward.
I haven't posted in quite awhile. Just thought of LJ the other day and that I kind of missed it.
Anyways, here goes.
I just got a new job...it's decent and the people are really nice. I feel convicted of gluttony in that despite the fact that I got this job that I had to fight for, I still really want to go back to school. Alas, with bills and whatnot, I don't see how that can happen. Unless the bill fairy keels over, but as fortune would have it, she appears immortal.
I want to finish my education degree. I know that it's still the strongest desire in my heart. I have, however, been thinking about going into some kind of aero-related engineering. I know that I usually come off as ditzy, but some where amongst these scrambled eggs I did find me a brain. Being a personal assistant is great...I think in the long run though, I would really like to apply myself more than what that has to offer. I feel guilty kinda. I'm waiting for God to slap me and be like, you don't deserve any of this stuff, why are you even dreaming of more?? That's probably not Biblical...
Stuff with my dad is super weird. After awkward confrontations around Christmastime, I tried as the typical Manda does to communicate with him...idk why, just an instinctive desire to have someone out there care for me; fill a parental void I've always had I suppose.
I called him several times leading up to Father's Day, just asking if I could take him to coffee...of course, with no returned call. I found out this week that he was sitting home doing nothing and that Karen and Faith weren't even home all day. Sweet.
I finally asked him if he wished to cease communication. He asked why I would say that, and I told him it really hurt me that I never heard from him on Father's Day, or in general...and I just wanted to know if it would be better if we didn't communicate anymore. He replied that it was a "Cat's in the Cradle" sort of thing.
I had never really read the lyrics to that song before.
Ouch. Kinda had blurry vision there for a sec. But, here they are:
"My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then..."
...I could take that personal, but I'm not like him...I actually care about family, a lot for that matter. And I've tried my dang hardest to get ahold of him to...well, idk what. I can't let it go.
I babysit a lot, work at The Apple Store, and then my fulltime job. That's about it.
I just got back from the Carribbean, as well as Colorado last weekend...holy moly talk about amazing times!!!!! Wish I had the patience/time to upload some fotos...but they're all over myspace and facebook if you care to take a gander. The scenery in St. Thomas was incredible...the people were like an entire island of the ghetto place people-think-is-a-daycare-Walmart in Irvington. It was fabulous. And scary. Colorado was insanely awesome, and I screamed my lungs out at both concerts. WOOOOTTT!!
And now, time for bed. As soon as I'm done browsing the web for "just one more, I swear" good songs to find to listen to.
Peace...thanks for reading.
Anyways, here goes.
I just got a new job...it's decent and the people are really nice. I feel convicted of gluttony in that despite the fact that I got this job that I had to fight for, I still really want to go back to school. Alas, with bills and whatnot, I don't see how that can happen. Unless the bill fairy keels over, but as fortune would have it, she appears immortal.
I want to finish my education degree. I know that it's still the strongest desire in my heart. I have, however, been thinking about going into some kind of aero-related engineering. I know that I usually come off as ditzy, but some where amongst these scrambled eggs I did find me a brain. Being a personal assistant is great...I think in the long run though, I would really like to apply myself more than what that has to offer. I feel guilty kinda. I'm waiting for God to slap me and be like, you don't deserve any of this stuff, why are you even dreaming of more?? That's probably not Biblical...
Stuff with my dad is super weird. After awkward confrontations around Christmastime, I tried as the typical Manda does to communicate with him...idk why, just an instinctive desire to have someone out there care for me; fill a parental void I've always had I suppose.
I called him several times leading up to Father's Day, just asking if I could take him to coffee...of course, with no returned call. I found out this week that he was sitting home doing nothing and that Karen and Faith weren't even home all day. Sweet.
I finally asked him if he wished to cease communication. He asked why I would say that, and I told him it really hurt me that I never heard from him on Father's Day, or in general...and I just wanted to know if it would be better if we didn't communicate anymore. He replied that it was a "Cat's in the Cradle" sort of thing.
I had never really read the lyrics to that song before.
Ouch. Kinda had blurry vision there for a sec. But, here they are:
"My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then..."
...I could take that personal, but I'm not like him...I actually care about family, a lot for that matter. And I've tried my dang hardest to get ahold of him to...well, idk what. I can't let it go.
I babysit a lot, work at The Apple Store, and then my fulltime job. That's about it.
I just got back from the Carribbean, as well as Colorado last weekend...holy moly talk about amazing times!!!!! Wish I had the patience/time to upload some fotos...but they're all over myspace and facebook if you care to take a gander. The scenery in St. Thomas was incredible...the people were like an entire island of the ghetto place people-think-is-a-daycare-Walmart in Irvington. It was fabulous. And scary. Colorado was insanely awesome, and I screamed my lungs out at both concerts. WOOOOTTT!!
And now, time for bed. As soon as I'm done browsing the web for "just one more, I swear" good songs to find to listen to.
Peace...thanks for reading.