Tuesday
me: hey
just saw that i missed a call
from you
Emily: its ok
i was just calling to say hi
and ask how you are doing?
me: feeling horribly nauseous etc right now
and i had a long and bad day
Emily: awwww im sorry
what happened?
me: basically i slept horribly because im sick and congested, and upset which is making me have bad dreams and restless sleep
ad im irritable
and my grandma was being so unreasonable this morning
and like nothing i did was "right"
even though im unquestionably expected to do it all
its like.. id like time to relax and grieve and be with my thoughts, too
but instead im running around doing everything
and then jessica came up again and my whole fucking family wants me to again be the bigger person
but im so fucking tired of always being the bigger person
especially with her
especially when she starts this kind of petty shit
and the county gave me no answers about paying for the cremation or not
and i had to deal with that fucking bitch again
Emily: did you fight her?
me: and then my grandma must have been having a bad morning, because i was trying to talk to her about the errands i was going to run for her that day and then later this week/month
and she just started yelling
in her highpitched hysterical kind of way
and saying fine we wont have a memorial, and i dont need my things from my storage, i can just die
Emily: wow
me: and locked herself in her room
which pissed me off
because i have been bending over fucking backwards for her doing EVERYTHING I CAN
including taking time during finals week to go clean her storages on top of all this
its like.. cut me a fucking break
when i came out of the shower, she'd left this like dramatic note on the kitchen counter
saying something like 'fine, just have a double memorial so you all wont have to deal with all this.. im lonely already and he was my other half"
its like.. that's so unfair
im already doing all i can
Emily: woooow
me: i already talk to her all the time on the phone
im doing all this
Emily: thats crazy\
me: idk what she expects
its not crazy, i mean.. she's upset
i understand that
but it frustrates me
and i cant be patient ALL the time
like, i have feelings too
and right now i feel fucking underappreciated and worn down
Sent at 11:51 PM on Tuesday
me: and on top of all that stuff, michael was being unpatient today
and rebekah was in a bad mood
so, yeah, shitty shitty day
Emily: awww
is michael with you?
me: yeah
Emily: thats really sweet
me: yeah
Sent at 11:56 PM on Tuesday
Emily: man, im so sorry
how are your papers coming?
is that a bad question to ask?
Sent at 12:00 AM on Wednesday
me: theyre not coming
have a 20 pg one due tomorrow
have another 12 pg due thurs
got an extension for my 15 pg due yesterday
idk yet if im getting an extension for the 20 pager or not
fucking professor has not responsed to ANY of my emails
and the GSI is actually getting like haughty with me in her responses
like, really?
cant i get a goddamned break from ANYONE?
Emily: jeez
im so sorry man
thats really fucked up
is rebekah helping you?
me: some, yeah
there just isnt a whole lot she can do
because she isnt patient enough to mediate with my grandma on memorial planning etc
Sent at 12:05 AM on Wednesday
me: should i stay up tonight to work on this paper or get some sleep and do it in the morning?
(im back in berk, by the way.. shouldve mentioned that before but got caught up in my complaining)
Emily: sleep dude
oooh wow
ok
well, either
Sent at 12:14 AM on Wednesday
me: hmmm
Emily: but i think sleep
me: i think so, too
im exhausted
Emily: yeah
maybe ill see yo utomorrow evening
yeah?
i gotta run now
me: yeah, maybe
ill be writing papers basically all day tomorrow
unfortunately not an exaggeration
Emily: yeah, i need to do that in the evening
ok, i gots to go
but possibly study date tomorrow
me: alright
Emily: ill keep you posted
me: night
Sent at 12:18 AM on Wednesday
just saw that i missed a call
from you
Emily: its ok
i was just calling to say hi
and ask how you are doing?
me: feeling horribly nauseous etc right now
and i had a long and bad day
Emily: awwww im sorry
what happened?
me: basically i slept horribly because im sick and congested, and upset which is making me have bad dreams and restless sleep
ad im irritable
and my grandma was being so unreasonable this morning
and like nothing i did was "right"
even though im unquestionably expected to do it all
its like.. id like time to relax and grieve and be with my thoughts, too
but instead im running around doing everything
and then jessica came up again and my whole fucking family wants me to again be the bigger person
but im so fucking tired of always being the bigger person
especially with her
especially when she starts this kind of petty shit
and the county gave me no answers about paying for the cremation or not
and i had to deal with that fucking bitch again
Emily: did you fight her?
me: and then my grandma must have been having a bad morning, because i was trying to talk to her about the errands i was going to run for her that day and then later this week/month
and she just started yelling
in her highpitched hysterical kind of way
and saying fine we wont have a memorial, and i dont need my things from my storage, i can just die
Emily: wow
me: and locked herself in her room
which pissed me off
because i have been bending over fucking backwards for her doing EVERYTHING I CAN
including taking time during finals week to go clean her storages on top of all this
its like.. cut me a fucking break
when i came out of the shower, she'd left this like dramatic note on the kitchen counter
saying something like 'fine, just have a double memorial so you all wont have to deal with all this.. im lonely already and he was my other half"
its like.. that's so unfair
im already doing all i can
Emily: woooow
me: i already talk to her all the time on the phone
im doing all this
Emily: thats crazy\
me: idk what she expects
its not crazy, i mean.. she's upset
i understand that
but it frustrates me
and i cant be patient ALL the time
like, i have feelings too
and right now i feel fucking underappreciated and worn down
Sent at 11:51 PM on Tuesday
me: and on top of all that stuff, michael was being unpatient today
and rebekah was in a bad mood
so, yeah, shitty shitty day
Emily: awww
is michael with you?
me: yeah
Emily: thats really sweet
me: yeah
Sent at 11:56 PM on Tuesday
Emily: man, im so sorry
how are your papers coming?
is that a bad question to ask?
Sent at 12:00 AM on Wednesday
me: theyre not coming
have a 20 pg one due tomorrow
have another 12 pg due thurs
got an extension for my 15 pg due yesterday
idk yet if im getting an extension for the 20 pager or not
fucking professor has not responsed to ANY of my emails
and the GSI is actually getting like haughty with me in her responses
like, really?
cant i get a goddamned break from ANYONE?
Emily: jeez
im so sorry man
thats really fucked up
is rebekah helping you?
me: some, yeah
there just isnt a whole lot she can do
because she isnt patient enough to mediate with my grandma on memorial planning etc
Sent at 12:05 AM on Wednesday
me: should i stay up tonight to work on this paper or get some sleep and do it in the morning?
(im back in berk, by the way.. shouldve mentioned that before but got caught up in my complaining)
Emily: sleep dude
oooh wow
ok
well, either
Sent at 12:14 AM on Wednesday
me: hmmm
Emily: but i think sleep
me: i think so, too
im exhausted
Emily: yeah
maybe ill see yo utomorrow evening
yeah?
i gotta run now
me: yeah, maybe
ill be writing papers basically all day tomorrow
unfortunately not an exaggeration
Emily: yeah, i need to do that in the evening
ok, i gots to go
but possibly study date tomorrow
me: alright
Emily: ill keep you posted
me: night
Sent at 12:18 AM on Wednesday